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Abstract

to even try to understand your own emotions?</p><p id="144f"><b>The problem with the tired old trope of men as less emotional is that it only works if we ignore all the emotions we associate with maleness, such as anger, competitiveness, lust, rage, ambition, jealousy, and pride. And only if we pretend men aren’t affected by such feelings as insecurity, shame, sadness, fear, grief, pain, anxiety, and guilt.</b></p><p id="a656">What I observed in my professional career was that men do experience those emotions just as much as women do, but they are less aware of them, less willing to examine them, less able to discuss them.</p><p id="5b18"><b>Even feelings every human being should be proud to own, like love, are uncomfortable territory for the hyper-male to verbalize. Does that mean they lack such feelings? No. <i>So why are they so scared to talk about them?</i></b></p><p id="6246" type="7">In what sense is it rational not to try to understand how others feel?</p><h2 id="4850">Big boys don’t cry.</h2><p id="f56e"><b>To most of us, emotionality means tears.</b> Maybe this is where we got the notion of the unemotional man. Women cry, and children cry, but men are tough. They don’t react to feelings.</p><p id="5921">Well, they might react, but not by weeping. They might shout and clench their fists. They might pitch tantrums — punching walls, slamming doors, and breaking things. They might do any of a dozen crazy things, from driving way too fast to picking fights in bars, but as long as they aren’t crying at the same time, their friends won’t call them out for “getting all emotional.”</p><p id="e644">But tears are a <b>healthy</b> response to strong emotion. Tears show vulnerability, invite support, build unity with others, and regulate our neurochemical balance. Tears function as a safety valve, removing stress hormones like cortisol. When those chemicals build up, it sets us up for major health problems, including diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. It also builds up pressure that can lead to desperate behavior.</p><p id="c708"><b><i>Maybe, if we taught our boys to cry, we wouldn’t see so many of our men arrested, addicted, committed, or dead by suicide.</i></b></p><p id="2497" type="7">Tears function as a safety valve, removing stress hormones like cortisol.</p><h2 id="a13e">But what about their hormones? PMS!?!</h2><p id="56ba"><b>Here’s the scoop: we all have hormones.</b> Every body and every brain has the same hormones, just not in the same proportion. And everybody’s hormones have an impact, not just on their moods but on their mental clarity.</p><p id="3e2c">Women’s estrogen levels fluctuate in predictable 28-day cycles. That’s why we see shelf after shelf of books, plus articles in every magazine that’s written for a female readership, about not only PMS and PMDD but also the emotional effects of pregnancy and perimenopause. Estrogen may be the single most-examined substance in the human body. (Or, at least, in the <i>female</i> human body, though many of the neural pathways in men’s brains are also estrogen-dependent.)</p><p id="4017">But even though males are still in the majority among physicians, testosterone has not been given anywhere near as much attention except regarding its

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impact on sexual and athletic performance.</p><p id="4887">Men’s testosterone levels surge <b>unpredictably</b>. Like every time they see a pretty woman. Or their team wins a big game. Or they get cut off in traffic. So where is all the research on the impact of those hormone surges on men’s moods and mental clarity? Or, more to the point, why doesn’t <i>that</i> research get more air time in the popular press?</p><p id="81c9"><b>Testosterone-juiced behavior has been described in many ways. Rational was never one of them.</b> But do we teach our sons to watch out for <i>their</i> hormones? Of course not. Instead, we show them how to justify their actions — to <i>rationalize </i>their irrational behavior and, if called out by a woman, accuse her of oversensitivity.</p><p id="bb86" type="7">Testosterone-juiced behavior has been described in many ways. Rational was never one of them.</p><h2 id="b8af">Conclusions</h2><p id="277a">A<b>re men more rational than women? </b>In a word, no. Just the opposite. Neither are they less emotional, just less aware of their emotionality.</p><p id="1b09">Our culture shows girl children lots of ways to handle feelings. It tells boy children just to stuff them. So the women have the tools, the tears, the talking skills. The men just have to wing it. In the dark.</p><p id="6fc1">It isn’t fair to anyone. Not fair to men who have grown up deprived of vital skills and knowledge. Not fair to women who are forced to deal with men who can become irrational at any moment, in response to feelings they have been conditioned to ignore.</p><p id="b67f">It doesn’t have to be that way. We can do a better job preparing all our children to live as emotion-having beings in the company of other emotion-having beings.</p><p id="4b69"><b>But until that happens, we should stop letting men get away with pretending they are somehow blessed with greater rationality than women. Because nothing could be further from the truth.</b></p><p id="cc07">.</p><p id="171c"><b><i>More from Edward Robson, PhD, MFA:</i></b></p><div id="2913" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-friend-zone-is-a-lie-f7b904035d3a"> <div> <div> <h2>The Friend Zone is a Lie</h2> <div><h3>There’s a reason you keep getting stuck there.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*9tcAn5ESD5gxfeUb)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="0d10" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/you-have-the-power-to-cause-pain-ba63dcb1a55e"> <div> <div> <h2>You Have the Power to Cause Pain</h2> <div><h3>The surest way to guarantee you will is to imagine that you can’t.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*56yO74vt1MVnhj5I0uIECg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Relationships, Love

7 Terrific Signs That Your Partner Is Incredibly In Love With You

Love is in the details.

“If someone truly loves you, they won’t tell you love stories, they will make a love story with you.” — Unknown

I used to wonder how you know for sure that someone is incredibly in love with you.

Is it the spark in their eye whenever they look at you? Is it how they speak to you? Is it in uttering the three little words we want to hear?

I recently had a detailed discussion with a friend who has been married for 7 years. He shared how he knew that this was the person he wanted to spend forever with.

Being incredibly in love with someone is a gift that keeps on giving. You respect that person, are fascinated by them, and are intentional in your actions with them. You love and value them for who they are.

From our conversation, I made these deductions that I want to share with you today.

Here are 7 Terrific Signs That Your Partner Is Incredibly In Love With You

1. Your partner expresses their liking for you

You can’t stop me from liking you. It’s just a thing. Like the sun rising and the tides coming in. — Jen Frederick

It is awesome to have someone you like and someone you think about all the time. Every encounter, every conversation, and every glance brings precious feelings like no other.

It is even more precious is when your attraction and fondness are reciprocated.

When somebody likes you, you can tell that they do going by how they treat you. They do not judge you by your past. They leave it in the past and also enjoy that they get to share your present with you.

I assume that when you really like a person, every single day you spend with them, you fall in love even more. Time you invest in that person resembles a journey right into their heart. You uncover that love is in the heart due to the fact that you love them also when you do not see them.

A partner who is incredibly in love with you will like you for who you are.

2. Your partner pays attention to you

“The greatest act of love is to pay attention.” — Diane Sawyer.

Another terrific sign that your partner is incredibly in love with you is how they pay attention to you and your individual needs.

Anytime you need to talk to someone, your partner renders a listening ear.

They try to do things with you that will help you relieve your stress; whether that is going on a hike or watching a movie.

They are also a great sounding board when you need to vent.

Somebody that is incredibly in love with you will want to spend quality time paying attention to your issues. They will make you feel like you are one of their priorities.

A partner who is incredibly in love with you will pay attention to you.

3. They look forward to spending quality time with you

Absence develops love, and visibility strengthens it. — Thomas Richer

When somebody is incredibly in love with you, they will want to spend quality time with you.

You will see them often enough — unless you are in a long-distance relationship. And even then, technology has made it easier to see each other more often.

When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far, no time at all is too long, nothing can break them apart.

It is important to note that time apart is necessary to relationship health and wellness as well. You don’t want to spend all your time with someone, no matter how much you like each other.

Even when you are incredibly in love, you must make adequate time to pursue your dreams and also concentrate on your hobbies or profession.

A partner who is incredibly in love with you will look forward to spending quality time with you.

4. They put in the effort required to make the relationship to work

There is just one joy in this world, to love and be loved. — George Sand

Good relationships do not just happen out of the blue. They require time, perseverance, and the effort of two people who actually want to be with each other.

The truth is that the more thoroughly you know a person, the much easier it becomes for their flaws to stick out. That is simply the way life is.

Because of highlighted flaws in relationships, children are deserted, marriages stop working, and relationships break down.

You may think you are in love with a person until you see just how they act when they are captured in a snag, or out of money, or starving, as well as worn out.

To put it simply, just how would you characterize your connection with this person? How secure and risk-free do you really feel? Are you preoccupied with this individual and anxiously concerned that she or he will leave you?

When somebody is incredibly in love with you, they are aware of your flaws yet choose to be with you and highlight your strengths over your weak points.

Being in love with a person can sometimes require perseverance, experiencing pain, as well as compromise.

When someone is incredibly in love with you, they want you to be happy with them. Whenever you have a disagreement, they will concentrate on handling the problem and coming to a resolution.

A partner who is incredibly in love with you will be willing to put in the effort required to make the relationship work.

5. They support you in the things that matter to you

Anything is possible when you have the right people there to sustain you. — Misty Copeland

When your partner is incredibly in love with you, they will want to support you in the things that matter to you.

Your personal development is a win for them, too.

Someone that is incredibly in love with you you will want to relieve a bit of your stress and anxiety whenever they can.

They will express their love through their actions — particularly if their primary love language is “acts of service.”

A loving partner will feel an inate need to support you in your endeavors.

A partner who is incredibly in love with you will be willing to support you in the things that matter to you.

6. They enjoy discussing your future together

Life can just be understood in reverse; yet it must be lived forwards. — Søren Kierkegaard.

For many couples that are in the dating stage, talking about the future is a topic of conversation that stresses them out. The couple can talk about anything — religion, food, politics, lifestyle, anything.

But, you drop words like “babies” or “marriage” into the mix, and suddenly the stress sets in. It is hard to envision their future or discuss it in a healthy way. It is either 100 percent avoided, or grounds for a heated, dreaded debate.

A person that is incredibly in love with you will appreciate experiencing life with you, on a daily basis. They will also enjoy discussing your future together.

When they make plans, they constantly include you, due to the fact that it feels all-natural to them to see you in their future. Not just that, they also have suggestions of things you can do together.

A partner who is incredibly in love with you will enjoy discussing your future together.

7. You feel reminded of the fact that love is in the details

“The details are details. They make the product. The connections, the connections, the connections. It will in the end be these details that give the product its life.” — Charles Eames

Love is in the details.

This is a phrase I absolutely love. It is nice when somebody remembers small details about you. Not because you keep reminding them, but because they care.

When you are in love with somebody, love is in the tiny details.

Their generosity. The way their eyes brighten when they see you. The furrow of their eyebrow when they focus. The sound of their voice on the phone. Their gait as they walk. The way the rays of light bounce off their hair.

Love remains in the details.

The details show that we love each other and, above all, that we know each other. Love is that adventure of getting to know yourself and your partner every day, reinventing the relationship and its meaning, as we explore who we are and who they are.

“Love is in the details.”

A partner who is incredibly in love with you will keep you reminded of the fact that love is in the details.

And now your thoughts…

What are some other signs that one’s partner is incredibly in love with them?

Wishing you loads and tons of love in your relationships.

May you discover true love, and might you fall deeply and incredibly in love with your partner over and over again!

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Thank you for reading!