7 Penis Myths Men Wished Women Would Stop Believing

Yes, the penis really is a "use it or lose it" organ.

Throughout history, women didn't know what to do with men's penises. During the Renaissance, the first time many young maidens saw a penis was on their wedding night. Before that day, mothers only taught their daughters to preserve their chastity and not get pregnant.

By the seventeenth century, naughty authors began printing sex manuals known as "whore's dialogues." In these first pornographic books, a wiser, older sexual expert would advise a younger sexual neophyte on how to please a man.

One such book was The School of Venus, or the Ladies Delight, Reduced into Rules of Practice. Its advice is surprisingly modern, albeit comical.

In The School of Venus, a benighted virgin named Katherine is taught by her sexual cohort Roger how to handle a "Tarse" (penis). When Catherine asks Roger how many times a man's penis will get hard in a night, he replies, "…some will Fuck Nine or Ten times in a Night, some Seven or Eight, but that is too much, Four or Five times in a Night is enough for any Reasonable Woman." (1)

I am not sure what these "reasonable" seventeenth-century kids were up to, but they clearly were not getting much sleep.

Today we understand that refractory periods vary significantly in men, depending on age and health. But for too long, women were kept in the dark about male sexuality allowing many penis myths to spread like a bad case of the Pox.

The following are the most common penis myths that some women (and men) might still believe.

A penis intro

First, to understand the penis' sublime engineering, we must understand the plumbing.

This is going to require more pretty drawings from my medical illustration days. (I never thought I would use this skill again...)

The penis is composed of three cylinders. Two cylinders flank both sides of the penis called the corpora cavernosa. The corpora cavernosa contain spongey erectile tissue and blood vessels that fill up and cause an erection. The middle cylinder, called the corpus spongiosum, contains the urethra and is responsible for urination.

If we were to take a cross-section of the penis, it would resemble a complicated sponge that expands to fill each chamber with blood.

Now that we understand the mechanics let's examine some cherished myths.

Myth 1: Ejaculation and orgasm always coincide.

If only sex could be like synchronized swimming with perfectly orchestrated movements coming together in one graceful dance. Unfortunately, in some men, the physical response (ejaculation) doesn't always sync up with the psychological responses (orgasm).

Think of the problem like the game of telephone tag. The cavernous nerves send signals to the brain's limbic system and then to the spinal ejaculation center — the spinal control center located below the tenth vertebra that regulates ejaculation. But once the message travels back to the brain…it gets garbled. When this happens, a man ejaculates without the feel-good rush of an orgasm. Bummer.

The condition is called ejaculatory anhedonia or orgasmic anhedonia, and there is surprisingly limited research on its causes. Possible suspects include hormones — low testosterone or too much prolactin. Other causes are medications — SSRIs (antidepressants) or blood pressure medication. And sadly, people who suffer blockages or spinal cord injuries may ejaculate without orgasm.

But sometimes, the cause is psychological, and these men often suffer in silence.

Sometimes, the opposite problem occurs — men have an orgasm without ejaculation. This is called a dry orgasm or anejaculation. In many cases, semen is produced but gets trapped in the bladder and never comes out of the penis. Supposedly, it still feels like an orgasm (I wouldn't know) but without the messy cleanup and money shot.

Myth 2: It won't hurt a man's erection if he has sex infrequently.

The penis is a "use it or lose it" organ. One study found that men who have sex less than once a week are twice as likely to develop erectile dysfunction (ED).

And ED isn't the only consequence of too little sex. Men who have infrequent sex also have a higher blood pressure than men who are getting it on consistently. The researchers found that regular sex reduces stress by facilitating the release of oxytocin, prolactin, and dopamine. And stress is a big contributor to high blood pressure.

Sex also strengthens the immune system by increasing IgA — an antibody made by white blood cells that toughens your immune system. And since we are all still trying to survive a pandemic, more sex is a damn good prophylactic.

Myth 3: His morning erection means he wants sex.

I want to apologize to all the ex-boyfriends I pounced on in the morning because I believed his erection was waving the welcome flag. Not so. A morning erection is not the same as an erection from arousal.

A morning erection happens when the parasympathetic system is activated during sleep. The parasympathetic system is called the "rest and digest" system because it controls digestion and sexual arousal. The sympathetic system controls your fight or flight response and is the ultimate boner killer.

Interestingly, when men were asked to describe morning erections vs. arousal erections, their responses varied. Some described their morning erection as more intense, while others referred to it as an "annoyance" that didn't always equate with arousal.

What's the moral of this story? Always ask before pouncing.

Myth 4: Circumcision is cleaner and healthier.

It always surprises Americans, but less than a third of men are circumcised worldwide. There's a reason for that.

American women especially have been conditioned to believe that a circumcised penis is a cleaner penis. Not exactly true. All penises should be washed with soap and water, whether circumcised or not. It is true that cleaning a penis is easier if circumcised because you don't have to clean under the foreskin. But unless you are a toddler, I assure you…most men can handle cleaning under their foreskin.

The other reason a circumcised penis is viewed as more hygienic is due to the reduced risk of STDs. But the link between HIV and uncircumcised penises is unclear. Other proponents of circumcision site the reduced risk of HPV — the STD that causes anal and penile cancer. Since the HPV vaccine is 99% effective against penile cancer, a vaccine is far less invasive than surgery.

More reasons to rethink circumcision:

Myth 5: His flaccid penis is an indicator of size.

Men's penises are a lot like a box of chocolates. You just never know what's inside until…

We see his phenomenon with men who are "growers" vs. "showers." The growers are men who have a deceptively small penis in the flaccid state but then…surprise! Jack springs out of the box tall and proud.

The "showers" are men who are already large in the flaccid state and don't expand as much when erect. What you see is what you get.

So which one is your man? Let's break out our rulers…(No, seriously. Don't. That's creepy.)

One 2018 study labeled growers as having an average length change of at least 2.4 inches (5.3 cm), while showers have an average length change of fewer than 1.2 inches (3.1 cm.) The study found that most men were showers (74%). And since collagen decreases as a man ages, growers were typically younger.

Myth 6: The entire penis is visible.

I got good news for you — your penis is twice as big as you think it is. While the average penis size is 5.1 inches (12.9 cm) long when erect, that's only the visible bits. And since I have already beguiled readers with the hidden parts of the clitoris, it seems only fair that we celebrate the whole penis enchilada.

As you can see from the first illustration, the penis has an entire hidden structure beneath the base. These hidden bits are essential for maintaining an erection. For example, the ischiocavernosus muscles compress the penile crus during the rigid phase of the erection, allowing him to stay hard. Meanwhile, the bulbospongiosus muscle empties urine and ejaculate from the urethra.

And no, his height, weight, shoe size, and hand size did not correlate with penis size. Only one body part indicated size:

Myth 7: Erectile Dysfunction (ED) can be fixed with a pill.

A study from The International Journal of Impotence found that 37% of middle-aged men's erectile dysfunction could be attributed to psychological distress. When it comes to sex, the big head is always calling the shots.

Unfortunately, no pill will remove the ultimate boner killer — adrenaline. Adrenaline can occur when a man senses danger or when he simply has stress or anxiety. Unfortunately, his penis can’t distinguish between real danger and perceived danger.

If a zombie horde is chasing you, an erection might slow you down, so a man becomes flaccid. But worrying about your sexual performance will also cause many men to lose their erection. Men's brains don't always know the difference between embarrassment and death.

So perhaps Margaret Atwood's famous quip, "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them," should be changed to men are worried they will be BOTH killed and laughed at.

In Antonio Vignali's sixteenth-century parodic sex manual, La Cazzaria: The Book of the Prick, he tells the reader that the penis was formed from the slime of the mythical serpent, Python. With such a fantastical tale, it's no wonder that women have feared the snake in his pants for centuries.

Even today, in most sex-ed classes, teachers separate the boys and girls in different rooms. The girls then learn about their genitals, and the boys learn about their genitals.

This needs to change. Great sex requires great communication. If we want to give each other sexual pleasure, we must first understand the science of both genders.

Carlyn Beccia is an award-winning author and illustrator of 13 books. For past articles grouped by subject, see my Table of Contents.

Update! I am launching Conversations with Carlyn soon to have more open and honest conversations with readers about sex, love, feminism, culture, and the latest science behind our most intimate human interactions.

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