Summary

The article outlines seven manipulative tactics commonly used by narcissists to control and influence their victims.

Abstract

The article "7 Monumental Ways a Narcissist is the Master of Manipulation" delves into the psychological manipulation techniques employed by narcissists. It explains how narcissists use love bombing to create a false image, exploit third parties known as "flying monkeys" to reinforce their narrative, and closely observe their victims to exploit their weaknesses. The article also discusses how narcissists erode self-esteem, gaslight, and manipulate their victims into staying in toxic relationships, often setting them up to take the blame. The author emphasizes the importance of recognizing these tactics to break free from narcissistic abuse.

Opinions

The author believes that narcissists manipulate from the very beginning of a relationship, using tactics like love bombing to distort perception.
It is suggested that narcissists use others, referred to as "flying monkeys," to validate their false persona and manipulate the victim's reality.
The article conveys that narcissists are highly attentive to their victim's behaviors and use this knowledge to undermine their self-worth.
The author indicates that gaslighting is a deliberate strategy used by narcissists to make victims question their own memories and sanity.
The article opines that narcissists are adept at convincing victims to remain in harmful relationships through blame-shifting and guilt.
It is implied that narcissists may set up their victims, especially after a relationship ends, to serve as scapegoats for their own actions.
The author emphasizes that victims often do not engage in manipulative games and are frequently unprepared for the narcissist's tactics, which can lead to disbelief by professionals.

7 Monumental Ways a Narcissist is the Master of Manipulation

The narcissist will manipulate any situation to their advantage

You are stunned.

This person you love and care about is not who you thought they were at all.

You see now how they have been devaluing you — putting you down, undermining your success, sabotaging the relationships and things most dear to you.

You wonder how you fell so far down this rabbit hole.

How is this even possible?

You’ve been manipulated from day one by a master.

Manipulate — control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously per the Oxford Dictionary

Let’s break down 7 common ways the narcissist manipulates you.

#1 The narcissist love bombs the heck out of you

The narcissist has been manipulating you from day one.

They have used the tactic of love bombing to create the lens for how you see them.

You are led to believe they are

Thoughtful
Generous
Smart
Hard-working
A great listener

This tactic deceives you into believing you are developing a relationship (romantic, friendship, work colleague) with someone else, someone other than who they really are.

They fear you wouldn’t engage if you knew who they are. Through this manipulation, the narcissist has removed your power of choice.

#2 The narcissist utilizes their flying monkeys

The narcissist’s flying monkeys reinforce that the narcissist’s idealized self and false narrative are real.

You start to doubt yourself and your experience because so many other people share an alternate common experience of this person.

The narcissist says something untrue — everyone else believes it and repeats it as if it’s truth. You think you must have misunderstood the situation.
The narcissist doesn’t show up for your date. Everyone thinks they’re reliable and repeats the narcissist’s story that they got stuck at work, even though it’s not true.
The narcissist puts you down. Everyone laughs at the great “burn,” thinking the narcissist is so funny.

#3 The narcissist notices your “tells”

The narcissist will listen to you intently in the beginning. They notice your speech patterns, your preferred way of experiencing the world (seeing, hearing, feeling), your insecurities, and what’s important to you.

They notice that you bite your lower lip when you’re nervous, twist your hair when you’re afraid to say something, or lean in when you’re about to share something important.

This knowledge gives you the impression that they know you very well.

They make comments about things you said months ago. They actively listen when you share something important. They make unsolicited reassuring statements when you are insecure — as if they are reading your mind — because they are.

#4 The narcissist slowly erodes your self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth

They use their knowledge of your insecurities to devalue you through put-downs, triangulation, and projection.

You’re afraid you’re not good enough? They triangulate you with an ex to make you jealous.
You’re afraid you’re too controlling? They are sure to point out numerous ways you are.
You’re afraid you’re high maintenance? They tease you while ordering at a restaurant about how picky you are.

Their effort pays off. It makes you far easier to manipulate.

#5 The narcissist gaslights you

This tactic is specifically designed to destabilize and weaken you. This makes you even easier to manipulate.

You bring up a certain conversation and its resolution. They insist it never happened.
You approach a tough conversation from a calm, clean space. They accuse you of yelling and say they won’t have the conversation until you calm down.
You keep your slippers next to your side of the bed. They hide them.

Not only do they get narcissistic supply from your confusion, your defense of yourself, your attempts to clarify, but they get feel power and control over making you doubt yourself.

Over time, you start to trust their memories and their knowledge of reality more than your own.

#6 The narcissist convinces you to stay in the relationship

This often includes gaslighting coupled with blame shifting — specifically to stay in the relationship you’ve discovered is toxic.

You wouldn’t seriously break up our family over…
You believe the kids over me? I’d never think that about you.
I guess your career is your top priority. Mine is our relationship. (After they sabotaged your career.)

This combo tactic manipulates you into believing you’re the problem and giving the narcissist a pass.

#7 The narcissist sets you up

When the relationship has ended, the narcissist sets you up to be the fall guy. They get you to do the heavy lifting in your own smear campaign.

Requesting a meeting time when they know you aren’t available, so you appear difficult.
Filing legal paperwork shortly after you leave on a 3-week trip, so you appear non-compliant with the court.
Inviting you to yell, shout, and get everything off your chest — while recording it to be used later.

The narcissist’s victim by contrast

Most victims don’t play games or manipulate the facts.

They believe the truth speaks for itself.

They are completely shocked when professionals fall for obvious manipulation tactics and dismiss the truth — which sadly happens more often than not.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

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