6 Things Women Want in a Man
This is what relationship material looks like
There’s a lot of confusion about what women want from a man.
There are some guys who just aren’t sure what a woman is looking for. Then there are the ones who are flat-out wrong about it.
I’ve seen tons of people commenting that women only want a guy who’s got a thick wallet, or a bad boy who’ll jerk them around, or that they won’t go for a man who isn’t at least pushing six feet in height.
I get why some people get that impression, but none of those are quite right.
And then there’s the nonsense peddled by pickup artists. That stuff is just wrong in its very own special way.
Like, where did they get the idea that women will fawn over a guy because he low-key disrespects her? Or that we’d love nothing more than to date a dude who is such a badass that he is constantly cold, distant, and emotionally checked out?
I know those opinions are pretty prevalent but they always confuse me because they don’t reflect what I find appealing. And it doesn’t match up with what women actually say they’re looking for in a guy or who they choose to actively pursue.
Obviously, there are differences across women. Everyone’s attracted to some unique set of characteristics. But there are a few things that women generally agree on.
These are the six qualities we tend to seek out in a potential partner. They’re the ones that hook us in, make us cherish our boyfriends and husbands, and keep us sticking around for the long run.
Vulnerability
I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman who didn’t wish her partner could be a little more vulnerable.
I know why being vulnerable can be a struggle. It’s hard for a lot of women, too. But it can be especially tough for guys because it often goes against the ideas of masculinity they were raised with.
There’s also a lot of misunderstanding around vulnerability. I’ve heard a lot of men complain that women say they want a vulnerable man but in reality they find that vulnerability unattractive.
But that’s because they have the wrong impression of what a vulnerable man really is. It’s not a guy who’s whiny, needy, or emotionally volatile. It’s not someone who’s incredibly insecure about his sexual performance, how he measures up in the relationship, or what kind of ex-boyfriends she has.
The vulnerable guy isn’t the one who can’t handle his emotions — it’s the one who isn’t afraid to feel them and show them.
And that’s incredibly appealing to women because it’s essential for a great relationship. We can’t form a deep and meaningful connection with a guy unless he can get vulnerable. And there’s a limit to how tight your bond can be if he suppresses his emotions and refuses to talk about them.
It also takes vulnerability to apologize and do it sincerely. A vulnerable guy can own up to his mistakes instead of doubling down on them or trying to shift the blame on someone else. He can be accountable for his actions instead of denying responsibility for what he’s done.
That’s huge because everyone fucks up a few times over the course of a relationship. And in most cases, it’s not what you did that matters most — it’s how you make up for it that really counts.
Genuine Interest
One of the biggest mistakes men make when they’re on a date is trying really hard to showcase how interesting he is.
Lots of guys treat dates like job interviews where the point is to impress the girl. So they end up showing off, mentioning as many achievements as they can, telling their best stories, and basically talking about themselves the whole time.
And yeah, women love talking to a guy who’s interesting. But what we really want is a guy who’s also interested in us.
It’s hard for us to see a guy as relationship material when he doesn’t actually listen to us. We don’t want to settle down with a guy who doesn’t want to celebrate our wins and hear all the random dumb shit that happened to us at work.
No one wants to feel boring, uninteresting, and unappreciated. We all want to be with someone who makes us feel seen and understood. We want to enjoy spending time with our guy and be able to have long conversations with him. But we won’t get that from a guy who isn’t genuinely curious about us.
Trustworthiness
Every relationship has its own set of rules. Whether you’re strictly monogamous, slightly open, or polyamorous, you’re going to have to work out what your arrangement looks like and establish your boundaries. And everyone wants to be with someone who will respect those.
We also don’t want to feel like we have to constantly police those boundaries. We want someone we don’t have to keep checking on because they’ve shown, repeatedly and consistently, that he can be trusted.
Women spend a lot of their time with their guard up because of the guys they encounter. Sadly, a lot of men are on the make and are willing to manipulate us to get what they want. We need our relationships to be a safe haven from all that. We don’t want to be dating yet another guy we have to worry about.
And it’s just really off-putting. I’ll occasionally get guys in monogamous relationships sliding in my DMs to hit on me. A lot of times, they’ll claim to be asking advice for their wives or girlfriends but soon after they try to get dirty with me.
I’m not open to dating or fucking my readers — at all. But even if I was, this kind of thing would be an instant turn-off. I would never want to be involved with someone who breaches the boundaries of their relationship like that. And most women feel the same way.
Women want a relationship that feels safe and secure — and they won’t get that with a guy who hasn’t demonstrated that he can be trusted.
Attractiveness
When we settle down with a guy, we want to keep the spark going over the long run. We want to be able to admire him, desire him, and maybe even show him off once in a while.
And we want to feel like we’ve got a partner, not a roommate. That takes a little bit of chemistry. A little bit of charm doesn’t hurt, either. And he’s got to be attractive.
I don’t mean anything specific by that. Attractiveness isn’t universal. What a woman finds herself drawn to is going to be completely subjective. We’re all into different physical traits, styles, and personality quirks.
We all have our own personal criteria. But we all want to end up with a guy we find sexually appealing — whatever that looks like for each of us.
Reliability
A lot of guys can talk a big talk. The problem is they don’t always back it up.
That’s something we tend to notice, because we want a guy we can rely on.
We want a guy who takes his word seriously. Even when it’s the small stuff, like calling when he says he will or not cancelling on us at the last minute (unless he really has to).
It’s partly about respect. We want to know we’re with a guy who values our time enough not to waste it.
It’s also about the mental and emotional energy it takes to deal with someone unreliable. Being let down by unfulfilled promises feels bad enough as it is — when it’s a feature of your relationship, it’s just plain exhausting.
And knowing what to expect is a big part of what makes a relationship feel stable and worthwhile. Spontaneity is great — not being able to depend on your partner isn’t.
All the thoughtful promises, all the sweet talk, everything — it might be nice at first but it starts to feel really cheap once you realize it’s insincere.
That’s why being with a guy who has follow-through is great. It gives us stability and security. It gives us a relationship that we can count on. And it makes us feel like our guy is there for us.
It’s even relevant when it comes to sex.
Sadly, it’s fairly common for guys to brag about what they’ll do in bed only to disappoint when they’re actually between the sheets. They’ll tell us how much they love going down on women, how they’re all about giving pleasure, and how they don’t stop until a woman’s had at least three orgasms.
Let’s just say they don’t always live up to their own hype.
Which is too bad, because when they do, it changes everything. When we know a guy can back it up, that boasting can be a part of foreplay. Hearing dirty talk about all the things he’ll do can be extremely arousing — as long as we know it’s true.
So go ahead and say as much as you want. Just be sure to back those words up with your actions.
A Good Sense of Humor
Women love a guy who can make them laugh. But that’s not the only thing they mean when they say they want a guy with a good sense of humor.
The ability to see when we’re being funny matters, too. When we’re being dry and sarcastic, we want a guy who can pick up on it. When we’re being goofy and silly, we want him to appreciate it. And when we drop one-liners, we don’t want them to fall flat.
A guy with a good sense of humor is also a guy who can laugh at himself.
Lots of women love to tease when they’re flirting, but it’s extremely hard to tease a guy who gets defensive. That takes a lot of the fun out of it. And not being able to hit on him comfortably is one of the reasons the passion dies out too quickly in a relationship.
Guys who make us laugh are great. But they’re nothing compared to the guy we can banter with, the one who “yes ands” our stupid jokes, and the one who cracks up when we’ve nailed the perfect one.
Be the Guy She’s Been Waiting For
A lot of this boils down to one thing: we want a guy who respects us and who sees us as an equal. Someone who takes us seriously and wants a genuine relationship with us.
That’s essential, but it’s not enough. After that, there still needs to be chemistry, compatibility, and the luck of finding each other at the right time in your lives.
That’s the kind of stuff that happens when two people meet who are just right for each other. And that’s the tricky part, the part you can’t plan for.
But you can develop the other traits that women want in a man. You can work on your listening skills, get in touch with your vulnerable side, and practice being more reliable. If you do that and meet a girl who finds you attractive on top of it, you’ll be the whole package.
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