LIFE
6 Things My Autistic Brother Has Taught Me
He has made me a better person with no awareness of doing so.
My brother is one of the best people I have ever known. Why? He is the best because he has given me so much and taken so little, without even the slightest inkling that this is so.
He has opened my eyes to more than I could see. To a way of being that, I did not know.
His needs are complex, he is autistic, but he has multiple conditions.
He can’t hear or talk, but walks, signs, and writes just fine. He has full control of his body, but his brain doesn’t function correctly and he has trouble understanding the world around him.
Growing Up White in A Brown Family | ILLUMINATION (medium.com)
1. Enjoy the little things
He finds such joy in the things he loves, no matter how ordinary. Whatever he is doing, he’s enjoying it to the fullest. He will watch one of his favourite films for eight thousandth time (it could be Mrs. Doubtfire or perhaps Nightmare on Elm Street, he has a very eclectic taste in cinema) and love it like it was the first time.
He is always entirely thrilled with his lunch, whether it’s a three-course meal or a sandwich, it’s all amazing to him and appreciated in the same way.
He has an unrestricted way of appreciating the most unexceptional parts of life. Something that I am always aspiring to do too.
Everything is a cherished gift to him.
2. Patience
He’s given me the gift of patience. With him, everything requires significantly more patience. I have to explain things in detail. Even a minor discrepancy can cause him to be upset. I’ve learnt to take my time and not to be disheartened when explaining something for the seventeenth time. It’s all worth it in the end.
3. To forgive and to do so quickly
If you’re going to forgive, you might as well get on with it. My brother, bless him, has done a few, shall I say stressful things in his time. For him, though it’s never really his fault, he doesn’t see the world the same way I do and that can make a bumpy road.
After we have explained his trespasses to him, dealt with it and it’s over, there is no reason to not move on.
I’ve been able to use this with my own relationships. It’s given me the gift of getting over things quickly. Thank you, brother.
4. To be consistent
Change is the devil for my brother. The slightest deviation from what he expects can cause distress for him.
Where possible, we keep everything the same for him. This means driving the same route to the restaurant or renting the exact same room in the hotel.
Challenges like this make more typical commitments look like a piece of cake.
5. To show your love every day
My brother needs more love than most of his family. This is not a bad thing. It inspires me to love with an open heart to everyone else in my life.
He needs regular reassurance and help, and he needs it to be done with love.
He’s shown me that love is not always what we perceive it to be, it’s not all like the movies. It’s always standing by someone. Ensuring that we meet their needs every day. Never let them down, and always considering them and how what you do will affect them.
6. To take nothing for granted
The truth is, my little brother has missed out on a lot. He didn’t get to be a ‘normal’ teenager and experience freedom and life the way I or my friends did.
He won’t get his dream job and it breaks my heart to watch, but I am gifted with the ability to do those things. I’m so aware that this isn’t a given, a sad twist of fate can take it away. I’m humble to the universe and the tremendous change that can occur.
It makes me chase my dreams harder and love bigger, because who knows what is next?
I’m a more humble person because of him.
Cheers, my brother.
May 2021
Delilah Brass
Own Your Mornings. How to love the AM | ILLUMINATION (medium.com)