Relationships
6 Things I Learned From A Narcissist That Improved My Life
#6 Never settle for less than you deserve.
I was a victim of a narcissist. I used to pity and blame myself for having to undergo narcissistic abuse. However, I’ve realized that there was a reason why that person entered my life.
They were here with one purpose — to teach me.
Instead of indulging in negative emotions and beating myself up I’ve decided to take this experience as a blessing. The narcissist entered my life in order to guide me, and teach me hard lessons which would help me grown and become a better person.
They’ve made me realize how strong I am.
I strongly believe that we attract people that we need the most. These people help us grow spiritually and help us in perhaps unorthodox ways become a better version of ourselves. Even though it never is their attention. Ironic, right?
Surviving a narcissist has helped me become more mindful, resilient, calmer and happier. Here are the lessons that I’ve learned from experiencing narcissistic abuse:
1. There Is Nothing Wrong With You
Narcissists know how to make doubt yourself, your perception and your beliefs. Losing your true self is something that frequently happens when you are dealing with a narcissist. That is why it's essential to hold on to your own beliefs and your true self.
Narcissists are manipulators and they use every possible tool to control you. Don’t let them.
I’ve learnt that standing your ground, believing in yourself is not only essential to survive the narcissistic abuse but to thrive in life altogether. Never let anyone make you doubt your own beliefs. Never change for anyone other than yourself. Don’t let people make you think that it's you who is making issues, problems, remember that if people say these things it's mostly about them and not about you.
Learning to stand up for yourself is the best and most important lesson you can learn.
2. Learn To Love Yourself — Unconditionally.
I used not to love myself enough. I used to believe that I need to give more, do more in order to be loved, to feel worthy. This is a toxic belief that I’ve created in my own mind.
The truth is, we are enough and in order to love others, and be able to support others, we must love ourselves first. I’ve learnt to believe that I am enough and that I have done enough and that the relationship I have with myself is sacred. If we don't — then we become easy targets for people such as narcissists who prey on our insecurities.
The best thing that we can learn from them, is to be confident in ourselves.
3. If Your House Has No Foundation — It Will Be Blown Away
Narcissists have no boundaries. They will do everything and anything to push your limits. They will make you cross your personal boundaries and will confuse you about what’s right and wrong.
The foundation that you’ve built — the morals and values are not negotiable. Don’t tolerate disrespect. People may beg for forgiveness and you may give them another chance to fix it, but if you keep giving the chances all over again — you are openly saying that you will and can tolerate anything.
You can't expect anyone to respect your boundaries when you can’t respect them yourself.
4. Listen To Your Gut — It’s Telling You The Truth
I knew something was off for a long time. I could not explain how — but I felt it. I just decided not to listen to my intuition. Now looking back — every time my gut told me something was wrong, my gut was right.
Listening to your intuition is listening to yourself. Now I know that if I ever feel like being used or manipulated by someone I will not dismiss the thought I will act upon it.
Our bodies and minds are protecting us — and we should not avoid these deep feelings, there here with a reason and they care about us. Intuition can foresee how things will play out. Always listen to your own instincts.
5. You Can Only Change Yourself
A common mistake many of us make is to try and change others. We ask, questions, emphasise, argue but nothing changes. Not because we are incapable but because the other side just doesn't want to hear our message.
It’s crucial to understand that we can’t change others, but we can change the way we respond to others. So instead of giving my energy to other people, I focused on myself.
Ask yourself: “What can you do differently this time?”
Constant improvement and working on ourselves is the path to a healthier lifestyle and more fulfilling life. Never give up on yourself — evaluate, reflect and better your behaviour.
Focus on changing yourself, it's the only way you could influence others to change too.
6. Never Settle For Less
My grandma used to say “Never switch a horse for a donkey”, meaning “never settle for less than you deserve”.
I finally realized the true meaning of her words. Combining all the learning above I realized that I do deserve better. I can finally see certain people for what they truly are and I will not be used or abused again.
I’ve learned to forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made and decided to take each and every mistake as guidance.
This experience has taught me the value of freedom. Because of I became proud of who I am and where I am headed. I became free from fear of what others might think of me, free from manipulation and control.
I’ve had to go a long way to become whole again, and however hard this experience was, I am grateful.
Now, finally, I can focus on my life.
Thank you for reading.
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