6 Irrational Fears That Are Stopping You From Creating The Life You Want

Fear paralyzes you from reaching your potential — here’s how to overcome it.

“What if it doesn’t work out?” “Ah, but what if it does?”

Fear. The four-letter word that can paralyze you and rob you of your biggest gift in life: your potential.

Fear is what stops us in our tracks. Fear is what blinds us from the blessings of change. It’s what strangles us and strips away our power, boldness, and originality.

In his book, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, bestselling author Joseph Murphy writes “fear depresses normal mental action, and renders one incapable of acting wisely, for no one can think clearly and act wisely when paralyzed by fear.” In fact, research shows that living in fear can interrupt certain processes in your brain which have serious health consequences.

Fear is absolutely normal though — everyone feels afraid — and according to Psychology Today, “the capacity to be afraid is part of normal brain function.”

The key to working with fear is to address the underlying belief behind it.

Very often, we produce irrational thoughts that are driven by our rational fear. Too often, we end up falling for these and robbing ourselves of our ability to create positive change in life.

As Rumi wrote:

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?”

If you give in to fear, you will continue to crawl through life; if you don’t, you will have the courage to spread your wings and fly like you were born to do.

While it’s impossible to become completely fearless, there is a way to conquer that fear. Here’s how you can overcome the 6 irrational fears that arise when you’re faced with a decision to create any form of change in life.

1. Fear of The First Step

“I don’t know where to start.”

Do you ever wonder why it’s always so hard to take that first step? It’s because of all the friction, tension, and resistance you face when you’re about to make a change. These feelings overwhelm you with confusion.

Steven Pressfield author of War of Art says:

“Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it. If it means nothing to us, there’d be no Resistance.”

Fear is an instinct and it only rises for things that we care for — it’s a form of resistance to stop us from taking that first step. We don’t feel fear toward something we are indifferent to, only toward what we are interested in.

The easiest way to overcome such fear is to simply take a step forward. Set an intention and move in its direction. You don’t know how to become a writer? You start by putting words on paper. You don’t know how to become an entrepreneur? You start by identifying a problem and creating a solution for it.

“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears” are the ever-true words of Rumi. If you’re afraid of taking that first step to start walking, the way will never appear.

2. Fear of Oneself

“I’m not good enough — I don’t know if I can.”

This thought is not you, and it most certainly is not true.

We are the stories we repeatedly tell ourselves. So if you continue to tell yourself that you’re not good enough, then guess what? That’s what you’ll come to believe, and thus, become ‘not good enough’.

In order to overcome this fear, you must first change the story you tell yourself. I am good enough. I can do this. I’m confident I can figure it out.

Positive self-talk boosts your self-confidence, which then empowers you with the conviction to follow through and make change happen. And here’s a reality check: no one has it all figured out.

Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca said:

“We suffer more from imagination than from reality.”

Stop imagining that you’re not great and start imagining that you are. Stop imagining that you’re afraid and start imagining that you’re not. This mental shift can free you of your self-limiting beliefs.

3. Fear of Failure

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

Vincent Van Gogh was one of the most famous painters to grace this world with his art, yet he only managed to sell one painting during his lifetime. Still, he said:

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”

It didn’t matter to Van Gogh whether his life as a painter would “work out.” Whether it brought failure or success, he did it anyway. Today, a Van Gogh painting will cost you upwards of $100 million.

Jerry Seinfeld's first time on stage for a comedy stand-up did not go so well — he froze and was booed and jeered off stage. Today, he’s one of the most successful comedians of all time.

Adam Grant, author of The Originals writes: “Choosing to challenge the status quo is an uphill battle, and there are bound to be failures, berries, and setbacks along the way.”

There are bound to be failures. If you can accept this perspective, you can relieve yourself of the fear of failure.

And one way to do so is to ask yourself: “What would I do if I fail? What would be the worst-case scenario?” Once you have it, build a contingency plan around it. Acknowledge that you can handle that worst-case scenario. This raises your level of confidence and gives you the courage to move forward.

“You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.” — Richard Branson

Failure is just part of the journey. And while we’ve developed a negative association with failure, in reality, it’s simply another word for “learning.”

The more open you are to failure — or learning — the more likely you are to succeed. If you look at failure as a catalyst of success, you rid yourself your fear of it.

In fact, whenever you find yourself asking the question of “what if it doesn’t work out”, follow-up with this instead:

“But what if it does?”

4. Fear of External Judgement

“What will they think of me?”

Walt Disney was told that he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Did that stop him from following his dream? Absolutely not.

The simple answer to the question of “what will they think of me” is this: who gives a shit? Seriously. Do you want to live your life in accordance with what society holds an acceptable way of living? Or do you want to live life on your own terms?

A little over a year ago, when I resigned from my role at Google and first launched my business, I was so excited, but a grave part of me was terrified of failing. What would all my friends, family, and colleagues think of me if I didn’t “succeed”?

The guy who quit Google to start a business and completely failed. I was afraid of external judgment — of “what will they think of me.”

That was, however, until I realized that I’m looking at this through the wrong lens. I have done something that people dream of doing in their lifetime but fail to find the courage to pursue. I embraced uncertainty where so many people shy away from the unknown. I resigned from a role I didn’t enjoy when so many people settle for jobs they hate. I turned a lifelong dream of starting a business into reality when so many people won’t even try because they’re too afraid.

I won.

I did what I believed in. I took a leap. And whether I succeed or fail, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I removed myself from the judgment of others.

In her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Bronnie Ware mentioned that the most common regret of the dying was:

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Don’t let your current irrational fear of the judgment of others be the thief of your dreams. Don’t let comparison get in the way either.

5. Fear of Hardship and Uncertainty

“This change will bring too much doubt, discomfort, uncertainty.”

Yes, it will. In fact, that’s the entire point behind pursuing change. We grow and expand in the discomfort that we face along the journey. That’s why highly successful people advise us to “stay out of the comfort zone”; because growth happens in the process of working towards what you want.

Overcoming obstacles is the way of life.

The Airbnb founders sold cereal boxes to fund their lives and keep their startup dream afloat. Michael Jordan was cut from the varsity basketball team in his sophomore year. Stephen King’s first novel was rejected 30 times. Discouraged by his inability to get signed by a publishing house, he threw his book in the trash. His wife retrieved it and urged him to continue.

The reality of life is this:

Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better.

I had to sacrifice my lifestyle and invest my savings before my business began to pick up the pace and a few customers started to place orders. Any change will bring doubt, discomfort, uncertainty. It is in the pursuit of that change that you will grow, expand and become.

Also, nothing in life is certain. Even if you keep things the way they are in the present, there is no certainty they will be there in the future. Your job is not certain; if the economy takes a downturn, you might lose it. Your relationship is not certain; you have to invest time and energy into it to keep it that way.

The key to dealing with the uncertainty of change is to not “jump” into things, but have a definitive plan of action. A plan helps you mitigate your risks and thus reduce the uncertainty of the outcome.

Embrace the unknown and the hardship it might bring— see it as a natural path of growth in the journey of life — and it will transform your perspective on fear.

6. Fear of Competition

“The idea already exists.”

I want you to take a moment to think about all the things you would miss out on if other people would've stopped at this irrational thought that my “idea already exists.”

Your favourite band wouldn’t exist, nor would your favourite brunch café. Your favourite author wouldn’t either. Nor would that yoga studio you go to on Wednesday evenings.

Do you know how many food delivery services there are in this world? Uber Eats, Delivery Hero, Deliveroo, Door Dash, Munchery, Eat24, and many more…

The point is, you’re not going to reinvent the wheel. And that shouldn’t stop you from pursuing an idea. Whether it be a hobby, an experience, a business idea or a community event, your ideas and perspectives are unique.

Your way of doing things is unique.

So, how do you overcome this irrational fear? Stop thinking small and start thinking big. Think with abundance, not scarcity.

Don’t Let Fear Defeat You

“Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hope you choose not to be defeated. I hope you choose to spread your wings and fly. I hope you choose to look fear in the eyes and say:

“I’m going to crush you.”

That’s the secret to feeling alive and living a life without regret. Whenever you feel afraid, lean into that fear and embrace it.

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