Happiness/Mental Health
6 Dead Giveaways That Your Relationship Might Be Over — Even If You Don’t Want To Admit It
Life has a way of telling you what you don’t want to hear.
Erin King is the author of How To Be Wise AF: A 30-day journalling adventure to your inner Guru.
Sometimes when a relationship is over, you try to pretend it’s not.
Maybe you don’t want to hurt the other person or you don’t like confrontation. Perhaps everybody else thinks you’re a great couple or your family really loves your partner you don’t want to let them down.
So you put a smile on your face even though there’s a rock in the pit of your stomach. You stifle that little voice in the back of your head and soldier on.
The problem is, when you choose denial as a way of life, it twists your soul inside out and makes you something you’re not. Denial turns lovely people bitter and in extreme cases creates problems like depression or alcoholism. I’ve seen more than one person throw their life away marrying someone they don’t like let alone love.
Since we’re often better at lying to ourselves than other people, here are some signs that you might be in denial about your relationship.
Be warned though: If you really are in denial, this article might cause an extreme emotional reaction, if you find yourself getting really angry or defensive just reading this, that could be your first sign.
7 Signs that you’re relationship may already be over:
- You dread coming home.
If you get a terrible feeling walking in the door and your mood goes from great to gloomy the moment you get in, something is up.
Your home should be your sanctuary, the one place in the world that you feel safe and content. If your relationship doesn’t facilitate that, you might want to explore why.
2. You are not physically attracted to your partner.
Nobody feels sexy all of the time. Even when you’re into someone there are times when you just don’t feel like sex and that’s okay. But if your partner repulses you, that’s a bad sign.
Animal attraction is a big part of any relationship. It is one of those intangible elements that define a relationship - what makes it a thing. Sex is part of the bonding process.
If you don’t have that but you’re trying to pretend you do, you may end up feeling short-changed in the long run.
3. Everything they do bugs you.
Does your partner irritate you? Does everything they do get under your skin?
Sometimes when things aren’t right, we ignore the signs, so our subconscious kicks into high gear to highlight what we’re denying.
While it’s true that sometimes when you’re with the right person and you really love them you can go through periods when they bug the crap out of you, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about when you’re with someone and all you can see is the fault. Somehow, they can’t even breathe properly.
If the other person can’t seem to do anything right, if they bug you all of the time for no reason, it might be a sign that deep down you know it’s not working.
4. You want to cheat.
When I was dating, I had a rule: if I even felt like cheating, it was over.
Even when you're in a solid relationship, now and again you’ll meet someone who you will think is attractive. You might even think if you were single, that’s the person you would go for. But if you’re seriously entertaining the thought, you have already done it.
You don’t even have to cheat, you just have to want to so if you find yourself seriously thinking about someone else, you are no longer in your present relationship.
5. You’ve stopped trying to be nice to them.
When you stop being nice to your partner, you’re done.
If you really love that person you’ll always work towards being the best, nicest person you can be to them.
Sure, you can have a fight and even be mad if you are in a loving, committed relationship. But if you haven’t got it in you to try to be nice about things anymore, there is something permanently wrong.
If you are with the right person, your default setting will always be kindness.
6. You act differently to each other when you’re alone.
This is a biggie. If you don’t treat that person as well in private as you do in public, you probably don’t have a good thing going.
It’s easy to pretend to be a happy couple when the spotlight is on you when you’re out and distracted.
But how are you when you are behind closed doors with no one watching?
If you act happy in public but mean and cold in private, there is definitely something wrong.
There are a few classic clues that it’s probably time to move on.
Even though denial usually feels like the easier option, over time it wreaks havoc on everything from your self-esteem to your physical health. It keeps you from being fully yourself and robs you of true happiness.
So don’t feel bad about facing the facts.
When you stay in a situation that isn’t working, you’re committing to something that will become toxic over time. Even if that person begs you to stay, if these factors are dominating your relationship, you will be doing them a favor by letting them go.
Thanks so much for reading!😊
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