6 Automatic Negative Thoughts You Should “Kill” to Grow Your Confidence

Not all thoughts are true.

A few years ago I was interviewing for a remote Product Marketing position with a tech startup.

The interviews (over Zoom) had all gone great.

I was down to my final one with the CEO of the company.

We seemed to hit it off and the interview felt more like a conversation than back and forth questioning.

I was sure the job was mine.

And then, before our allotted time was up, the CEO abruptly wrapped up the call and signed off.

Damn, I thought. That is not a good sign.

Other thoughts that went through my mind went like this:

He didn’t like me and wanted to end the interview early.

He thought I wasn’t good enough for the position.

I probably said something stupid.

I was mentally prepared to get an email telling me they’d gone with someone else.

But to my surprise, I got a job offer instead.

A month later, the CEO mentioned in passing that his lunch wasn’t sitting well with him the day of our interview.

Turns out, he had cut our call short so he could sprint to the bathroom.

Upon hearing this, I immediately felt silly for all those negative thoughts I had about myself following the call.

Why didn’t I trust my intuition that it was going great and that I did deserve the job?

Over time, because of experiences like this (and quite a few others), I’ve learned to challenge automatic negative thoughts instead of blindly accepting each one as the truth.

You’ll probably recognize at least a few of these thought patterns, and one of the best ways to increase your self-esteem and confidence is to spot them as they crop up…

And destroy them.

So here are 6 common automatic negative thought patterns to watch out for in your own thinking.

We’re All Guilty Of This One

As humans, we love to find patterns.

This also means we often jump to conclusions.

You have one experience, and then use it as a frame of reference for all future experiences.

For example, if your parents are divorced, you might tell yourself all marriages are doomed to fail.

Here are a few other examples:

I’m always late.

Nobody understands me.

Nothing good ever happens to me.

Nothing is ever black and white. There are always exceptions, and generalizing doesn’t leave room for anything good to actually happen.

So if you notice yourself using words like always, never, nobody, or everyone…

Don’t instantly accept what follows as the truth.

Beware of The Negative Fortune Teller

Have you ever predicted a bad future outcome… before the event has even happened?

This kind of destructive thinking pushes you to fixate on what can go wrong and how you might mess up.

For example, say you have a big date coming up.

Your thoughts automatically go to the worst-case scenario — you’ll look nervous. You won’t have anything to talk about. You’ll choke on your sushi.

This type of negative thinking is especially sneaky because the more you tune yourself into future failure, the more likely you are to create the circumstances for that kind of outcome.

Instead, challenge these thoughts with counter-thoughts, like:

Why would I choke on my sushi? That has literally never happened to me before.

I have plenty of interesting things to talk about.

And so on.

Your Mind Tricks You Into Focusing On The Negative 1%

This one is easy to fall into.

You zoom in on a single negative detail and magnify it to the point where it overshadows everything else.

Say you gave an excellent presentation at work, but you mixed up a few slides at the end.

Instead of focusing on the 99% that went well, you focus on the 1% that didn’t go well.

You start to assume everyone else will also focus on the ONE thing you did wrong and use it to judge your entire performance.

This is the fastest way to kill your motivation and self-esteem.

As hard as it may be, for every negative critique you have of yourself, try to find at least 5 positive ones.

You’re Wasting Your Time On This

Mind-reading is an automatic negative thought where you assume you can “read” someone’s thoughts, motives, and intentions.

Sure, sometimes body language can reveal a lot.

But at the end of the day, you can never really know what someone else is thinking.

It’s easy to misjudge people’s words or behaviors and take them personally when in reality they had nothing to do with you.

Once you realize how little people actually think about you it can be incredibly liberating.

After all, we’re pretty selfish creatures.

So the next time you think someone made up an excuse to get out of a conversation with you, maybe they just really needed to use the restroom.

Thoughts That Kill Your Motivation

What makes you feel better?

“I should work out.”

Or

“I want to go to the gym.”

Words like should, have to, and must are usually intended to motivate you to do something.

But they have the opposite effect.

These words imply that even though you should do it, you don’t actually want to.

So whenever I catch myself using the “shoulds” I try to reframe the statement.

It’s subtle, but it creates a mental shift that makes you feel more in control of your behavior and decisions.

How You Slowly Destroy Your Confidence

Blame-related thoughts can look like this:

It was all her fault.

I made a bad investment because of you.

She pressured me into having another piece of cake.

One of the most empowering things you can do is to take responsibility for all of your problems and decisions.

Yes, even the ones you didn’t create.

Most people prefer to find someone to blame for their problems.

This is taking the easy way out.

Because as long as you blame someone else, it means you don’t have to be the one to fix it.

It also means you’ll harbor resentment and take on a victim mentality.

Not a very useful breeding ground for confidence, wouldn’t you agree?

So take 100% responsibility for everything that happens in your life, and see what happens.

Follow The Orange Journal so you don’t miss a post. Do you love to write about self-improvement and personal development? Learn how to be added as a writer here. 🍊