MAKING WAVES COLUMN

50 Looks More Like Reaching the Top of a Great Hill than Being Over One

Some of us are rising in more ways than one as we enter this decade with new perspectives

Sunday, February 25th, 2024

My inner life looks completely different from my outer life at the moment. It’s an overcast, chilly afternoon here in northern Germany. My partner is doing something on his computer while I am across the room on my laptop.

I’m tempted to put on some background music, which one of us tends to do under such scenarios, but I’m feeling too comfortable and focused to disturb my blankets or writing flow.

On the outside, my life seems fairly normal and calm, but on the inside, there’s a party going on…a HUGE, RAGING PARTY…and it’s only just getting started.

In a little less than three years, I’ll be fifty years old. I never thought I’d look forward to turning fifty, although, for many years, I have looked forward to no longer having a period and all that it entails.

I had a taste of what menopause would be like when I was on the birth control, Depo Provera for several years in my twenties. For those unfamiliar, Depo is a shot of hormones that tricks the body into thinking that it’s pregnant, so an egg is not released.

Needles make me nervous every single time I see them, but getting that shot every three months was worth it. I used to remind myself, “Would you rather have the pain of that shot that lasted only a few seconds, or the pain of sore breasts and menstrual cramps that lasted for days on a monthly basis?”

It was a no-brainer for me until I moved to Saint John, a small Caribbean island, where it was much harder to get the shot, so I stopped.

That was twenty years ago. Now that my cycle is still pretty regular, but my symptoms are much less drastic, life is easier, and in this regard, should become even more so.

After doing some research into things I should expect as I become menopausal, I learned that I’m one of a small percentage of people who look forward to this stage of my life.

I honestly think I have since my period started when I was twelve years old. The pain from my cramps was awful for a good decade until I became better with my diet and exercise, which helped me cope. I still make sure I have effective painkillers on hand for the first day or two of my period.

Now that I turning fifty in a few years, it hurts my heart to realize how many people view it negatively for one reason or another. Since I was a kid, I’ve seen countless cards and balloons that say, “Over the Hill” in association with the 50th birthday.

I know it has to do with the fact that most people don’t live to see their 100th birthday; therefore, turning fifty means that life is more than half over for the vast majority of people.

However, as someone who has had multiple incarnations in my lifetime, I see this new decade on my horizon as one with infinite possibilities, which is exciting.

For one thing, it will be the year that I make one of my biggest dreams come true. It’s a dream that has already been ten years in the making. By then, it will be thirteen years and worth every second.

In three more years

I will have permanent residency in Germany, and will be able to apply for dual citizenship. Once I have that, I can live and work in any country that is part of the European Union. It is a dream I’ve had since I visited Italy for the first time in 2014.

As an American, especially a middle-aged American, being able to live and work in an EU country for more than a year is extremely hard — unless you’re in the IT, hospitality, or healthcare field. I was a licensed massage therapist at the time, which is a whole different ball game in Europe.

I went back to school to finish my Bachelor’s degree in Occupational Therapy. My plan was to save up as much as possible over ten-fifteen years, and move to a small Italian village to live out my final decades.

By the end of year two, with excellent grades, I decided to change gears and majors completely, set to move to the one country in which I stood a chance of becoming an EU citizen, Germany.

It’s been a very long, uphill battle, especially when the global pandemic started four years ago, just a few months before I was set to move to Europe. I had a lot of detours, but I kept on keeping on, despite the insecurity and uncertainty of it all.

I knew that I wouldn’t be satisfied with myself if I didn’t at least try and give my all.

The best part is that I have managed to do all of this on my own, with support and assistance in ways from many loved ones, including my wonderful, German partner. However, I didn’t get married, which quite a few people suggested over the years.

There’s nothing like making your own dreams come true. No one can take that feeling away, and I treasure it beyond measure.

That’s why there’s a party going on inside me oftentimes these days.

I will be dancing and doing carting at the top of the hill when I turn fifty. Maybe I’ll see some of you celebrating in your own way, at the top of your hill as well.

How do you feel about turning fifty years old?

What does it look like to you? Is it your vision or that of the media’s influence?

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