5 Untold Ways To Be Truly Confident

2. Vocal tonality

Obama. Robert Downey Jr. Oprah. Beyoncé. These are only 4 of the most confident people I can name.

They all exhibit relaxed confidence. One that isn’t boastful — unless in a tongue-in-cheek manner.

Growing up, I always wanted to be confident. As a bullied kid, confidence would be my weapon. But I had to make sure that my confidence would not falter. I couldn’t afford to pretend to be confident. I needed to be truly confident.

The art of true confidence matters. It paints you to be someone who is not afraid. It gives you power, and it gives you credibility.

There are many tricks on the internet about how to be confident. But to be truly confident is something less often spoken about. True confidence is a skill, not an act.

Below I have listed the 5 untold ways to be truly confident.

1. Have a growth mindset

To be truly confident, it starts and ends with your mindset. To be open to change. Remember that true confidence comes from within. It’s a skill that you can develop.

You have to really want to be confident.

Those with a growth mindset are go-getters. You know you can be better. You always ask ‘why not me?’. If someone can do something, then so can you.

Cal Newport once said that ‘focus is the new IQ’. We live in a world where anything can be possible with a little focus and habit. You can not only be confident but achieve a whole lot more.

Truly confident people want to better themselves. They are never satisfied with being good enough.

Mark Manson writes about the confidence conundrum. As long as you have confidence, your life will be filled with happiness, love and success.

If that confidence is not true, then it is bound to deplete. And you’ll lose a lot.

Those with a growth mindset also seek approval from only those who matter. Having too many voices can be noisy. Only you know who matters in your life. Truly confident people don’t try to please everyone. It’s impossible, and it’s a sure-fast way of losing.

2. Understand the power of vocal tonality

Vocal tonality is a hidden gem. Obama, Robert Downey Jr, Oprah and Beyoncé know how important it is to be vocally clear.

It’s why Oprah has a successful talk show. It’s why Obama could deliver clear speeches. Robert Downey Jr can act out a powerful monologue and Beyoncé can sing on stage.

But what exactly is vocal tonality?

It is the ability to articulate and enunciate your words. The last thing you want is to mumble or swallow half your sentence. As a truly confident person, you have to be able to be crystal.

When you speak in front of your colleagues or seniors, use statements unless you are asking a question. Unconfident people talk in questions. This makes them appear uncertain.

Also, don’t use filler words. Filler words are a telltale mark of a nervous person. If you’ve ever done a speaking exam in school, you’ll know that filler words make you appear amateur.

Speak clearly and know what you want to say before you speak.

Look at Keanu Reeves, the guy takes 30 seconds before answering a question. His interviews are slow and drawn out. But you know that Keanu is confident. His thoughts are clearly articulated and when he speaks he rarely uses filler words.

3. Have great non-verbal communication skills

Your body language, your facial expressions, your manners all speak louder than your words. It’s the ol’ actions speak louder than words wisdom.

Think back to our amazing four — Obama, RDJ, Oprah and Queen B. They all have an approachable, open body language. They have a resting warm smile and they listen more than they speak.

Body language is the real deal, right? It’s what determines a lot of things. It determines whether to approach a potential lover; it snags the job promotions, heck; it gets you the job.

Your body language is the thing people notice before you even speak. Trevor Noah is great at this. Even in his stand-up gigs, he holds an open body language — he never closes off. I’ve seen comedians (and I won’t name and shame) who close off when they get too comfortable on stage.

Your facial expression is also just as important. Let’s experiment.

Don’t change your facial expression and go look in the mirror right now. Do you see that face? It’s your resting face.

I’m awful at this. My resting face looks like I’m about to kill someone. I’m a friendly person. Why do I look like I’m about to kill someone?

Consciously try to fix your facial expressions. Smile when on public transport. Especially then. From experience, public transport sucks all the happiness in you. But when you smile, you’re radiating positive energy. And reducing stress. Win-win.

When you listen more than you speak, like Keanu, you invite articulate thoughts. People notice when someone is quiet. It shows you’re mature enough not to be the loudest one in the room.

4. Portray authentic vulnerability

When we think of confident people we tend to think of superheroes or people who have no insecurities. Truth is, truly confident people are not afraid of showing their vulnerability.

When you’re wrong about something, be okay with it. Use your mistake for a learning experience. It’s not an awful thing to be wrong. But it is bad to throw a tantrum or worse still, insist that you’re right.

Growing up and even now at university, I’m the first to put my hand up and answer questions (alright, I’m a nerd). But I don’t care if I get it wrong. I learn why my first answer is wrong. If the question ever appears in a paper, I know the answer and I know what is definitely the wrong answer.

Same goes if you’re stuck with something. Never think to ask for help is showing your weaknesses. Quite the contrary. Ask for help and you show that you’re confident in your abilities. You are actively bettering yourself by learning.

Do you know what’s annoying in a boss? Not owning up to their mistakes. It boils the blood of every employee. Owning up to your mistake is what true confidence looks like.

5. Don’t own the spotlight

When you are truly confident, you don’t rely on the spotlight. You don’t shout from the rooftops of your capabilities and you don’t preach them to the choirs either.

Truly confident people are okay with not being the best all the time. And if they are, they shine the spotlight on others. Give credit when it’s due and lift other people. Be a role model.

By the same vein, don’t put other people down. It’s rude, and it shows you’re too immature and insecure.

Here’s the thing. No one owes you anything. Keep that as your life motto. Whenever you try to own the spotlight, you enter an owing game.

Earn your spot under the light but don’t expect it. Sometimes other people work hard for it. So give them a shoutout.

Key Takeaway 🥡

True confidence is a skill, not an act. Exercise its muscle and you’ll reap the benefits.

Or you can always plug your fingers in your ears after reading this and continue to fake it till you make it. Spoiler: you won’t make it.

Will it take a long time to be truly confident? Sure.

Is it worth your time? Every second.

Fatima Sultan is a writer, tutor and self-proclaimed nerd. She writes about life and its many excitements and disappointments. She also apparently likes referring to herself in the third person. You can read more of her writing by subscribing to her free newsletter.