4 Brutal Truths About Why True Confidence Matters
The reasons why you should start developing this vital skill
I was bullied. A lot.
I never really had any friends for the majority of my childhood. This was partly because we kept moving primary schools and, partly because I was a quiet unconfident kid.
As soon as I made a friend, a big bad bully will torment me making even my so-called friend run for the hills and never speak to me again.
So I soon gave up making friends. The characters in my favourite books were my friends — they were loyal and I could carry them everywhere with me.
But by the time I was 13, I decided that I had enough of people pushing me around. I realised that I lacked confidence.
Those who weren’t bullied were seething with this one thing I yearned for.
So as a true nerd, I read and devoured books, articles and magazines (basically everything I could find), to learn the art of true confidence.
Fast forward today, seven years later, I have a good support system from people that I adore and my confidence shines through everything I do.
I have spoken at events with more than 500 people present and I tutor English to school kids. I am truly confident.
The art of true confidence is a skill.
What people often get wrong is that they ‘try’ to be confident or they ‘act’ confident. Don’t. Both of these methods fall under a ‘fake it till you make it’ approach. And believe you me, it shows when you fake it.
What you’re doing is walling off people. You become so emotionally detached and constantly trying to hide your insecurities to façade of bravado and swagger.
It’s forced and unattractive, in any setting.
Let’s start at the beginning and get a grip on what is true confidence.
The definition
Jordan Harbinger defines true confidence as a skill that reflects the ‘feeling of self-assurance that is grounded in an authentic experience of our own ability, perspective and sufficiency’.
It is to be sure and certain of what you can do, what you believe and what you are capable of being.
As you can see, confidence forms an integral part of human psychology. True confidence is a skill that starts and ends with your mindset.
There are many reasons why true confidence matters. But here are the 4 brutal truths that will make you want to develop this key skill.
Why true confidence matters
1. Confidence is the brick and mortar of happiness and success
If you look towards successful and happy people you’d often find that they are truly confident. They go out of their way to get what they want.
Mark Manson writes about the confidence conundrum. He writes that confidence and happiness and success go hand in hand.
I agree. To a certain degree, the ability to stay happy and successful comes from being confident.
True confidence is an essential part of our character and work.
It allows us to better ourselves and to establish ourselves in our relationships, careers and our daily lives.
2. Confidence is essential to influence and leadership
Think back to any influencer or successful leader. More times than not, they have distinguishable confidence. One that doesn’t falter and is not a pretense.
Those who fake it till they make it, never make it. For one reason alone. True confidence is a skill that needs to be exercised. It allows us to be set apart.
It does not matter what you do. What matters is how you do it. That’s where true confidence enters.
A successful leader can articulate themselves in a manner that is confident in their abilities and sufficiency.
Look at Steve Jobs.
His confidence allowed him to not only build an empire but make leaps of changes to modern technology. I believe that confidence played an important role in the birth of Apple.
If Steve Jobs was not confident in his ideas, his products and himself, no one will be confident in him.
“Don’t let the noise of other people’s opinions drown out your own inner voice.” — Steve Jobs
If you don’t believe in yourself, no one will ever believe in you. It’s as simple as that.
3. Confidence is about substance
Whilst true confidence is key, one must be wary that if you don’t actively work on your confidence, it will deplete, or worse yet, overcompensate.
The mere act of being truly confident is to know that if you don’t actively exercise this skill, you won’t have happiness nor success.
Remember Manson’s conundrum?
Here’s the thing. There is a fine line between arrogance and true confidence. Arrogance is ugly. It sells you the dreams of true confidence but steals your happiness and success. No one likes an arrogant person.
What sets arrogance and true confidence apart is that truly confident people work on bettering themselves in their abilities. So long as there is no gap between effort and confidence, true confidence won’t morph into arrogance.
4. Confidence protects us
Eh? Yup, you read that right. True confidence is a weapon that can arm us in a highly competitive world.
Take my bullied self. I was not confident and so it gave out a message that allowed bullies to treat me in a mean way.
I’m a black belt martial artist in Tae Kwon Do. Going up the grades meant you had to spar. Most of my fellow martial artists where big muscle (and terribly smelly) teenage boys. I’m 5 ft 1!
When I was 12 and unconfident, I got my ass kicked a lot more than I’d like to admit online.
But by the age of 16, I could face these beefy boys and not shake with fright. I was confident in my abilities as a martial artist. Whilst I hardly beat them up like in the movies, I was confident I wouldn’t be a stain on the floor.
When you’re confident, you don’t wear a weakness badge. It’s that simple.
Key Takeaway 🥡
True confidence is a skill, you either exercise it or not. And it matters in so many ways.
True confidence is what earns you happiness and success.
To summarise, true confidence matters because
- it goes hand in hand with happiness and success;
- it is essential in leadership;
- it doesn’t replace work and,
- it can protect you.
If you learn at least one thing from reading this, learn that you can’t fake it till you make it.
