5 Unfortunate Sex Habits of Terrible Lovers

#2 Red Light Green Light Sex

No one is perfect. We all have flaws and we’re always working on improving ourselves.

Sex can be an awkward endeavor, but that doesn’t mean you should give up hope.

The first step is identifying five unfortunate habits of terrible lovers to avoid in order to fully explore yourself as a sexual being. As we look at each habit, we’ll also talk about how to fix it.

Here are the five habits.

“Let today be the day you give up who you’ve been for who you can become.” — Hal Elrod

1) Ground Hog Day Sex

Ground Hog Day sex is when you do the same routine day in and day out without ever deviating even an inch.

It’s repetitive and boring.

It’s based on the old movie, Ground Hog Day, where the main character was forced to relive the same day over and over again until he learned a lesson about love.

Here’s a 3-minute clip from the movie to illustrate the idea:

When you fall into Ground Hog Day Sex, your partner knows exactly what you are going to do, right down to each and every last move.

There are no surprises.

How to fix it: It’s a good idea to switch things up every so often by changing the way you engage in sex.

A great idea is to do something wild and out-of-the-box. Essentially, to interrupt and disrupt the pattern of sameness.

You can try:

• Dressing up
• Roleplay
• New positions
• New locations
• Watching porn
• Adult toys

There is no judgment in making love.

If they want you to dress up in a Cookie Monster outfit and spank them, then go for it.

“In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.”—Tony Robbins

2) Red Light Green Light Sex

I’ve never watched a single episode of Squid Game, but I understand the reference to the childhood game of red light/green light.

In case you’ve forgotten, when you play red light/green light, you have to stop moving when the person who is “it” yells “red light.”

Moving forward or suddenly stopping when the other person is not ready or when they are in the middle of a climb toward orgasm is like playing red light/green light with your sex life.

It’s frustrating and can be quite annoying.

If you stop every three seconds to ask, “Is this okay?” or “Do you like it like that?”, you’ll mess up the vibe of the experience.

How to fix it: Always ask for consent, of course, but no need to ask for feedback after every other moan and groan.

Take a breath. Enjoy yourself. Let your body talk to their body. Endless chatter can distract you from fully embracing the experience.

3) Zombie Sex

Zombie Sex is mindless sex. You are anywhere but in the present moment.

Your eyes are closed, your mind is blank, and you’re just going through the motions.

It’s like being in a trance.

It’s related to starfishing, but a more extreme version. Zombie sex is very one-sided.

Sex should be an experience that is enjoyed by both partners. It’s a great way to connect with someone on a deeper level and feel their energy.

If you’re not present, you’re not making the most of your sexual experience.

If you’ve had a long day and all you want to do is lie in bed, then that’s fine.

But if you’re looking for an epic night out with your boo and they’re yawning and complaining about how tired they are, don’t engage in sex with them (or at least check in with them first).

They might not be into it.

How To Fix It: Refocus on the present moment and the other person with you.

Sex should be like solo mountain climbing.

In a recent documentary I watched about Marc-André Leclerc (The Alpinist), one climber noted beautifully:

“It puts you directly in the present. You can’t be thinking about anything else. And you’re interacting and improvising in the moment.” — Brette Harrington, Girlfriend of Marc-Andre Leclerc

4) Academy Award of Porn

Sometimes we get lost in the fantasy of what we think sex should look like or sound like. The problem is our source.

If we mistakenly believe that porn sex is real-life sex, we accept a fantasy version of intimacy. No one contorts their body like that in real life (ok, most of us don’t).

We don’t usually get the same things people get in those videos. It’s make-believe.

I mean, when is the last time someone really got themselves stuck in a washing machine?

Yet, when we succumb to fantasy, we often make love in all the wrong ways. We force behaviors onto our partners, expecting them to respond like the actors in the movies. We feel confused when our partners don’t like it.

It’s as if we are trying to win the Academy Award for porn.

How to fix it: Be yourself. Embrace the messy truth of real sex.

If you like crazy, wild, circus sex, do that. If you prefer light and airy sex, then stick with it. And if you want to make funny faces and loud noises, go for it!

Variety is the spice of life.

5) Faking… Anything

Faking anything during sex will probably not end well.

When we pretend to enjoy something we really don’t, we pretend at sex. We may not want to hurt the other person’s feelings, but lying to them (by omission) is just as hurtful.

It’s like a slow-motion punch that hasn’t yet made full impact.

How to fix it: If you’re not feeling it, say so. Honesty is better than fakery.

Be honest about your feelings. If you don’t like what your partner is doing, let them know. Don’t just sit there and suffer in silence. Be kind. Be sensitive, but also be assertive.

Final Thoughts

These five habits don’t have to derail your sex life. You can acknowledge any of these habits you might practice, slowly undo them, and boldly reclaim your sexuality.

“A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.” — Mark Twain

Read this next: I’ve Never Had a One-Night Stand (and I’m Not Sure How I Feel About It)

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