5 Surviving Life Lessons From “How To Win Friends and Influence People”

Never say: “I give you my word.”

From head to toe, I’ve always been an introvert.

The problem? Nobody ever told me that being an introvert and a misbehaver is different.

When a person meets you for the first time and shies away from greeting, that’s their cue of being noninterested.

Our nature, “introvert,” is specifically for people who know us. Being introverted, nature hardly gets recognized in workplaces and business meetings.

Or maybe you expect your mama to pump in the middle of your business conversation and warn everyone, “Greeting, my son is a little introvert. Please don’t mind him.”

The choice is yours.

Recently, I’ve realized:

• Being introvert
• Not knowing enough tactics to deal with people

… are two different things. Most of us don’t know the art of persuading people.

Let me break it to you being an introvert and shy limits your power to influence people.

It’s like two inseparable best friends. But Dale Carnegie has some nice tips to share.

Especially when Dale gave an ultimatum: “Read a chapter twice or thrice to gasp the fullest knowledge,” I can’t stop thinking about when to read it next.

The book: “How to win friends and influence people” is divided into 4 topics with ample knowledge to win and inspire people.

Below, find 5 pieces of advice by dale to make friends.

Let’s get started.

1. The Socratic Method

Suppose I ask you the following questions:

Do you want to succeed on Medium?

You: yes

Do we all want to work less?

You: yes

…

So, what did I do?

Dale Carnegie writes:

“Get the person saying ‘yes’ and ‘yes’ at the outset. Keep your opponent from saying ‘no.’”

If we realize, this Socratic method is deeply used by politicians and public speakers at most. Dale says that several “yes” pushes people in the affirmative direction.

1500 years ago, Socrates challenged the whole world with his “yes and yes” method.

Instead of telling people they were wrong, he asked questions the opponent had to agree.

According to him, two “yesses” would bring a deep whoosh of self-realization, and the opposite person would almost admit his mistake. There are a total of a few advantages of using the Socratic method, namely:

• Lets people admit a mistake without any melodrama
• Brigs self relauation
• No, we’re saved from becoming the bad one
• Everyone’s happy.

It’s like you never complain to people about their mistakes. (Honestly, tell me it is possible.)

We all know this is a brilliant persuasion technique.

2. Arose, an Eager Want

“How to Win Friends and Influence people” has some long chapters at first.

I’d almost give up reading the first chapter and trying to resonate it with me. But then, a chapter came that instantly liked my mind.

“Arose an eager want.”

That’s what my little sister says. She does it with her crush. Arouses an eager want (MY, MY).

Was I such a fool from the start?

Dale says: “Yes.”

Dale writes:

“The only way to influence people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.”

This technique generally takes empathy to a whole new level. If you want to influence someone, make things easy for them.

A lot of failed parenting, relationship, and friendships cut down to the same fact: “we never realized what the other person wanted”

Think this way: an insurance email stating how your current financial situation can come to ease a win-win email.

If you want to make friends, give 100% of your thought to them. And how can you do that?

• By making things simpler for them
• Remind them that your presence is a gift

3. Give the Dog a Name

There is an old saying, Dale quotes:

“Give the dog a bad name, and you may as well hang him. But give him a good name and see what happens.”

I believe this is one of the most-most-most brilliant methods for sale sale.

Here’s how it works:

What do we say when we like someone? Perhaps “You’re so good,” “Very good,” I like you” Ahh… stop that.

If you want to influence people, give the dog a (good) name. A name that speaks of his/her feature and attributes.

For example,

• Farmer: “You’re such a cultivator of growth.”
• One who likes to lead: “You’re a natural leader”
• Intellectual: “You’re just as a brainiac as Veronica lodge”

For those who don’t know, Veronica Lodge is a comic book character from the Archie Comics.

The point here is to identify a person’s strong points and give him a good name.

This originally gives people a reputation to live up to.

4. Don’t Give Orders

Oh, I am so against orders that I might be adjourned to prison if telepathy was real.

Thank God, It’s not.

Nobody likes taking orders.

Owen D. Young, an American industrialist never gave orders. Instead, he said:

• You might consider this…
• Do you think that will work?
• What do you think of this?

Perhaps, this way, Owens was able to correct people without, Ahem… correcting people.

As a businessman, my father has almost struck me how with just a smile, he corrected people.

Dale says:

“People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.”

In short, include people in the decision you make. This technique solely means agreeing with people about your decision without letting them realize they had no hand in it.

5. Dramatize Showmanship

Dale says that marketers throw a little show every time. To sell their products, so you should too.

But how Dale, my savior?

Dale recalls a story (mentioned in the book)

“An employee wants to visit her boss to discuss problems at work. But ultimately, the boss was busy.”

So she used a tactic where she wrote a letter:

• Showing that’s, she accepts her boss is a very busy person
• Stress the importance
• Enclosed is a form stating the issue of the work

Reading Dale Carnegie's book, I have realized how important it is to showcase a problem and then give a solution too.

In the case above, the lady enclosed a form letter stating the blank “minutes” and “time.”

Something like this:

Lady. I will see you on__ at __. I will give you __ minutes of my time.

This makes it the boss easy to fill it and return it. Dramatize your idea and always make it look important.

5. Throw a challenge

Dale says:

“Every successful people loves the game. The chance of self-expression.”

Give me a name of someone who misses a:

• Chance at excel, or
• Feeling of importance

Nobody does. Correct!

According to Dale, when you throw a challenge, it becomes easier to melt people to your way of thinking.

Honor, word of mouth, respect, and comparison are just some things that have manipulated numerous generations to take part in battles they knew they had already lost.

But why did they even fight then?

Perhaps: honor or comparison.

We are the descendants of the same people who fought in the name of honor, and “I gave you my word.”

Dale clearly explains that humans are creatures of emotions, not logic. Hence arousing competition may help bosses and managers to bring life into the workforce.

Diplomats and statesmen have been using this technique for decades.

Final Thoughts

Most people are still successful even though they give orders, conspire, and lie.

But knowledge, my friend, is a tiny beam of light that surpasses vessels where fat orders and favoritism gets stuck.

In short, invest in knowledge. It stays long-term.

Join 1,100+ writers and get your next writing inspiration right now.

Or, join Medium with my referral link.