5 Superpower Secrets That Alienate Me From Friends and Family, but Make Me 10x More Successful
My life looks drastically different from my friends and family, and that’s the secret strategy to my entrepreneurial effectiveness.
These days, it seems every other entrepreneurship-worshipping article and guru out there believe being boldly contrarian is the secret to success. The issue, however, lies in the fact that many of those contrarian actions aren’t so much contrarian as they are just plain weird or eccentric, with little rationale to back them up.
Don’t we all know the entrepreneurs who swear by waking up at 4 am, doing 250 burpees, drinking a gallon of bone broth, and sweating it out in hot yoga before starting the work day? Maybe there’s a scientific rationale behind why that extensive ritual is so positively impactful to their productivity and ROI, but I have yet to see it…
Nonetheless, I’ll be the first to admit that if my friends and family knew exactly what I do — and don’t do — they’d think I’m a little “eccentric”, too. The difference is that my “eccentric” isn’t baseless or for the sake of maintaining some superstitious routine. Instead, my contrarian views and associated actions and decisions are strategic and offer a clear benefit to my entrepreneurial effectiveness, efficiency, and success. Here are the 5 eccentricities that alienate me from my friends and family, but are far too effective, powerful, and purposeful for me to give up.
1. Mindless fun is an oxymoron (to me)
For years, my fiancé tried to hide from his family the fact that when we went wine tasting, my glass went untouched, then quickly swapped with his so he could chug or dispose of its remains. I, on the other hand, had — and still have — no problem admitting that I don’t partake in mind-numbing or cognition-dampening substances like alcohol or “special” gummies. To this day, I have friends who don’t realize my passing on grass and booze isn’t a one-time occurrence, but rather a way of life.
To be clear, I don’t avoid substances for a health or religious reason. It’s purely selfish and hedonistic: I don’t enjoy the idea of mindless fun; in fact, it’s a complete oxymoron to me.
Don’t get me wrong; I’ve tried all the things. Well, maybe not all, but a few. Growing up, my dad collected wine, so with five wine refrigerators, two mini bars, and thousands of bottles in our house, I wasn’t exactly sheltered. That said, having tried “all the things” a few times, I know myself well enough to realize I gain the most enjoyment, excitement, and fulfillment from two things:
- Learning
- Producing
When my mind is clouded from a drink or a brownie, all I can do is either veg out, partake in meaningless, forgettable conversation, or attempt to learn or produce at a severely diminished rate of speed and quality. Point being, I don’t willingly consume things that dim my cognition, slow my decision-making, or preclude my ability to learn or produce. That’s dirty superpower secret #1.
2. This is free, but the ROI is limitless
If you’ve ever heard the saying “the best things in life are free”, you may agree or disagree, based on your interests and priorities. Lucky for me, I’ve always been especially drawn to nature, the outdoors, and exploring my surroundings. For some entrepreneurs, this may look like a walk, for others a hike, and for some a two-hour power-lifting session in the gym. Regardless of your preference, the idea here is to get out of your office, away from your computer, for a mental and physical reset.
I can easily confirm that I’ve had some of my highest-ROI epiphanies, brainstorming sessions, and moments of clarity and inspiration while away from my computer. In fact, I think I could probably attribute most of the biggest shifts in my business or new ventures to discussions had on hikes or beach walks.
Unfortunately, I have friends and family who — to my utter shock — have confessed that they don’t like the outdoors and would prefer a crowded pub with music, sports TV, food, drinks, and friends. While that’s fine for them, I gain significant value out of physical activity coupled with mental resets in nature, and I urge entrepreneurs to find their “me time” away from a computer to allow those big ideas to blossom fully without the distractions of screens and superficial indulgences.
3. I got this out of my system a decade ago
As an entrepreneur, it’s easy to get caught up in material measures of success, from cars to clothes to couches and everything in between…but that’s also where money — and in some cases mental health — goes to die.
My dad died when I was 20, and it abruptly put my life in perspective for the first time. While this helped me begin to shift my views on the unimportance of material possessions, it was actually losing 6 figures on my first failed and solo-founded bootstrapped startup that drastically changed my perspective. I believe I came full-circle when I bought my first multi-million-dollar property in my late twenties, cementing my views on finances and money management.
You see, once you’re a self-funded entrepreneur with finite resources, you start to view purchases very differently than you did when an employer wired over a predictable paycheck every two weeks from what seemed like an endless well.
- Every consumer discretionary purchase you buy — and don’t need — takes away from the resources you have to build your business or the runway you have to further figure it out
- Some larger and more deliberate purchases are truly investments and can be used to extend that entrepreneurial runway or increase your financial security, even while building your business
I have many friends and family members who still love shopping, and believe it or not, my dissenting viewpoint creates a significant chasm. That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a nice indoor-outdoor mall outing, but I definitely can’t get myself that excited about or invested in products I know are sure to depreciate.
- If we’re talking appreciating or cash-flowing real estate, count me in!
- If we’re talking buying a business or funding a new venture, I’m all ears!
- If we’re emotional support animal shopping or rescuing living creatures, I can’t say no!
- If you can prove that purse is a limited edition collectible you plan to hold onto and resell, I may even buy into that strategy.
However, if you want me to get excited about an overpriced designer cardigan, when I know the same factory produces its knock-off sibling attire for 5% of the price, I probably can’t hang. If it’s sure to depreciate, I just can’t appreciate it all that much.
4. Banish the clutter (keep your pots and pans)
When I got engaged a few years ago, my and my fiancé's family pounced on the opportunity to unleash their “gotcha” moment on us both. If you’ve ever been engaged or married, you probably experienced the same thing, and while I can’t confirm it’s out of malice, it’s hard for me to see the kindness in this act. That act? Gifts.
I swear, I could hear the pots and pans making their way into gift-wrapped boxes before we’d even shared the engagement photos.
You know how some people just love pushing sweets on other people, even if they’re on a strict diet or mired in grave health issues that make sugar a near death sentence? People do the same with wedding, birthday, engagement, and any other event-related gifts. I understand for some people gifts are their love language, but they certainly aren’t mine.
Our no-gifts policy was something my fiancé and I enacted nearly ten years ago, when we first moved in together. Over the years, as our lives became more complicated (with more pets, businesses, and capital), we only downsized and minimized — and that was by design.
In our entire three-story house, the thing we have most of is space. We have a few key pieces of furniture in each room, but the vibe is easily an open floor plan, a large incorporation of indoor-outdoor living, and as little clutter as possible. I’m talking zero pots, pans, lamps, end tables, cabinets, etc. None of it. Why? The reasons are twofold:
- Echoing eccentricity #3, we don’t believe in spending money on depreciating things.
- A minimalistic, nature-centered, clutter-free house offers a peaceful mental sanctuary in which to house the otherwise chaotic activities and decisions that make up our lives and businesses.
I truly believe if you want a clear mind, you need a clean space, clear of distractions, clutter, and space-holders that don’t inspire or align with your goals. If you’re too attached to your things to stomach the thought of downsizing, selling, or letting go of those possessions, perhaps that illustrates a larger issue and tells you where your true priorities lie.
5. Daycations over vacations
You know those people who save up all year long, anticipating an extravagant two-week international vacation? We don’t do that. In fact, we even canceled our own wedding because it just didn’t make sense to act financially reckless for one day or weekend, followed by an equally reckless honeymoon, all to conform to societal standards or our friends’ and families’ expectations.
Sure, we could have gone on the destination wedding we were planning, but we couldn’t also have bought our dream house at the same time. Further, we could choose to go on an extravagant vacation every single year or we could readjust and reprioritize our lives so vacations are freely accessible every day, without causing a major work, travel, and financial disruption.
What am I talking about? I’m referring to daycations over vacations. I’m not great with transitions, and I crave permanence. In other words, if I know a vacation’s sure to end in 7 or even 14 days, I’m over it before it starts. Why? It feels like a depressing, finite waste to me. It feels like something to dread the end of, rather than celebrate the limited days. Personally, I don’t feel great sinking my hard-earned money into something that fleeting.
Instead, we’ve opted to build a life that gives us access to free or easily affordable and accessible vacations or daycations whenever we want. That all comes down to our chosen location: I have sacrificed many things along my entrepreneurial journey, but one thing I have not been willing to sacrifice long-term is location.
To be clear, I chose location long before we could afford to do so elegantly. I chose a 457-square-foot, lead-paint-covered, asbestos-ceiling apartment to live beside the ocean, in the city of my choice. Nonetheless, whether it was our 457-square-foot studio or three-story beach house, my decision was based on the proximity to all the daycations we want.
- Sometimes we go cliffside hotel-hopping, for free.
- Sometimes we explore a new island.
- Sometimes we get real fancy and pay $60 for a kayak or pedal boat rental.
Point being, I’ve found ways to affordably build fun, exciting excursions into our lives on a weekly basis, ensuring that my entrepreneurial ups and downs don’t suck all the joy out of life. Entrepreneurship can be all-consuming, but that’s only if you let it. You don’t have to be miserable to be successful, and you don’t have to break the bank to incorporate adventure and excitement into your life.
No, you don’t have to fit in
If you tally up the number of decisions you — or the average person — makes out of peer pressure, societal norms, or because it’s what their friends and family request or expect, you might be shocked. That said, quitting my 6-figure Wall Street job to start a company in my twenties was met with a similar level of shock from people who would never take that plunge. The moral is simple: If you don’t aspire to the life, career, or success (or lack thereof) other people embody, then there’s no reason to mimic their decisions or actions.
I know plenty of people who work a 9-to-5 job, blow off steam at a bar in the evenings with booze and grass, reward themselves with shiny new purchases, fill their apartments with depreciating “treasures” they hold dear, and save up for a few major life events or annual vacations. Many of those people may be perfectly happy with that life, but it simply isn’t my vision of fulfillment or fun.
If you’re too afraid to go against the grain of your friends’ and family’s expectations and be true to your personal goals and long-term vision, perhaps entrepreneurship isn’t for you. It’s a lot easier to “fit in” in a cubicle than in an oceanfront rooftop home office, but I know which I’d prefer all day, everyday. The choice is yours; make it unapologetically.
