5 Subtle Lies We Tell Ourselves
Because we are afraid of the truth
Whether we admit it or not, we often lie to ourselves.
Sometimes, we don’t want to face the truth, so we convince ourselves daily that what we are thinking or doing is right.
The lies we tell ourselves are convenient ways of hiding from the truth that we may not be ready to face.
Putting up a facade is an easy coping mechanism when we are not ready to deal with certain things. For me, I see it as an escape strategy of some sort.
The refusal to deal with an uncomfortable truth could stem from an inability to face one’s fears or the discomfort which it could cause.
“We all have our fictions, little lies we tell ourselves to keep going from one day to the next.” — llsa J.Bick
For some people, they will never be ready to do some things, not because they can’t, but because they don’t want to.
Over time, we get so used to the lies we tell ourselves that we unconsciously begin to form a pattern around it. It could also be a subconscious act as we may not even be aware that we are lying to ourselves.
Mandy Kloppers, a writer on mental help, identifies a psychological term, cognitive disssonance as a major reason why we lie to ourselves. This happens when we experience an uncomfortable tension between who we think we are and how we behave. This makes us justify our actions with reasons that make us feel better about ourselves.
If we are truly honest with ourselves, we will see that there are many times we may have twisted the reality of peculiar situations in a way that pleased us.
Have you ever lied to yourself before? If you feel that you haven’t, you should probably think about it again.
Here are some subtle lies we often tell ourselves:
1. If I had more time, I would have done it
The truth be said, we only make time for things and people that truly matter to us. If you haven’t done something yet, you probably do not consider it to be important on your list of priorities.
It’s as simple as this: you either do it or not.
We only commit our time and effort to something when it means a lot to us.
There is always time to do what we consider to be important.
“When you say that you don’t have time for something, you are saying that whatever you are talking about is not important to you.” — Iulian Ionescu
Many people are stuck with the idea of what could have been because they are not committed or willing enough to make things happen.
Everything in life is about choices. Truly, our choices form our decisions.
2. I am too old for that
The moment we begin to second guess and doubt our abilities, we may never fully reach our potential.
Many people nurse a deep desire to change their lives, but do nothing about it because they feel it’s too late. They give seemingly legitimate reasons for their inactions because they believe that they can never overcome the age barrier.
Here’s the truth: it’s never too late to fulfil your calling.
Productivity is a thing of the mind and we can only become as successful as our minds allow.
Age shouldn’t be a barometer for measuring and restricting your goals. For example, Colonel Sanders opened his first KFC franchise at age 61.
“The only time that it is too late to make a change is when you are dead.” - Holly Hartley
3. When I have this, then I will be happy
People often tie their happiness to events.
Once we meet a goal, we start looking forward to the next best thing. If our happiness is dependent on this, we may never be truly happy.
As Mark Mason puts it, “we are evolutionarily wired to exist in a state of mild dissatisfaction.” Once a person gets anxious about what’s next, it becomes quite difficult to appreciate what’s already in one’s hands.
The wants of men are insatiable and we will never truly be happy or live in the moment if we base our happiness on our gains, goals and accomplishments.
Now here is a question: is it really possible to content all the time?
4. I can’t change, that’s who I am
This is a damaging lie we often tell ourselves.
Many people prefer to stick to their daily habits with the belief that it has formed who they have become.
This is because they have a vague idea of what they think their lives should be.
The truth is, we are largely responsible for creating our own reality. We can change the course of our lives if we want.
More importantly, change is the only constant thing in life.
Saying “that’s who I am" is just a label and a limiting belief. We love to label ourselves because it is convenient.
For example,
- I don’t really talk a lot.
- I am always late to events.
- I have a difficult time getting along with others.
If we want to live completely different and enjoyable lives, we have to drop these labels. We can re-program our minds to live the kind of lives we desire.
5. It’s too difficult, I can never do it
This is one of the most popular defense mechanisms and a form of self-sabotage.
It is what happens when we don’t even try because we are convinced that we can’t do it.
When we say that we can’t do something, we are simply giving ourselves a golden ticket not to do anything because we have labeled it hard work. Whereas the only way you can know that you are good at something is if you try. If you don’t try, you will never know.
The refusal to go outside one’s comfort zone is what limits a lot of people.
Looking back, there are so many things I could have done. I never did them because there was always a reason to stop me. I created these reasons and saw them as comfortable limits.
If you wish to release yourself from the web of subtle lies, here’s what you can do:
- Develop a new form of self-awareness
Once we become conscious of certain stereotypical reactions, it will serve as a reminder to guard our thoughts and deeds.
Make a conscious effort to shut up your inner saboteur when it tears its ugly head.
2. Be ready to take chances: Whenever you are worried about taking a step, consider how beneficial it could be if you do it.
If fear and self-doubt are beginning to take over, counter them with positive thoughts.
Conclusion
In a world filled with dreams and hopes, it’s advisable to give yourself the leverage and time to live life unapologetically.
Agreed, it’s an open secret that everyone has lies that they say to make themselves feel better. However, not being completely honest or decisive about it could lead to a life of regret and unfulfilment.
Do not let self-sabotage, past experiences or the society stop you from living the life you deserve.
You can start by facing your fears.
Confront that uncomfortable truth you are hiding from. It is only by doing this that you can live an authentic life.
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