5 Steps To Turn Regrets Into Triumph
While I challenge the reality of living without regrets, I believe gems can be found in those regrets. But it’s not always easy.
Despite the constant refrain to live without regrets, we all have regrets. Regrets about the relationships we’ve settled for, the jobs we took and the opportunities we’ve missed. We all have regrets.
My greatest regret was not listening closely when my kids shared their fears. Running away from difficult conversations I wish I had had with previous partners. And I was taking the easy road about a lot of things.
I regret saying things I could never take back while staying silent when my convictions prompted me to speak up. Then there’s the regret of severing relationships that I valued while sticking in those that drained me.
While I challenge the reality of living without regrets, I believe gems can be found in those regrets. Here are five steps to turn regrets into triumphs.
1. Lean in and learn, but don’t live in those regrets.
Yes, listen to those regrets. Buying into the idea that I am supposed to live with no regrets, I tended to bypass difficult emotions rather than lean into them with the idea of learning from them.
Observe your thoughts and feelings surrounding the regret. Are you hard on yourself? Find a middle ground between acknowledging the guilt and dwelling on it.
Catch yourself if you start ruminating or navel-gazing with no end in sight. Constantly dwelling on and replaying those regrets is like getting lost in a dead-end street on your first visit to Paris, never leaving to explore the rest of that captivating city.
Researchers have found that ruminating on regret can adversely affect your health. And lead to binge eating, alcohol abuse and self-harm.
Write down the lessons you need to learn from the actions you regret and move on. As Maya Angelou said;
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
2. Practice unconditional self-compassion.
Treat yourself how you would treat someone you’re mentoring. What would you say to them? Researchers at the University of California, Berkley, found that “self-compassion led to greater personal improvement, in part, through heightened acceptance.”
Be kind to yourself.
3. Change the narrative
There is power in words. They can heal, and they can hurt. What is your inner dialogue regarding this regret?
Recall at least one benefit from a regrettable event and say: How can I see this from a different perspective. What is the positive value of this experience?
Pivot from the negative impacts of regret by focusing on what you gained. It can propel you to a new level of self-awareness and, hopefully, a new way of being.
4. Recognize what matters to you.
Regrets can help reveal what you value. I regret not having more explicit boundaries with my children because I dislike conflict. Because I love harmony. But when I think about it now, I would have learned how to communicate my boundaries more effectively if I were to do it again. Because ultimately, I value deeper relationships even if there is some degree of conflict.
Your regrets can shine a light on what you truly value. Now start to align your actions with your values.
5. Now that you know better, do better
Make a list of regrets, then brainstorm steps to remedy whatever is keeping you stuck in that regret. If you could replay the regretted event, ask yourself how you would have done things differently. You may have another opportunity to take the better road.
The healthiest way to deal with egret isn’t constantly wallowing in it. Find solutions, or seek a counsellor. Use the wisdom gained through self-reflection to act.
This article was inspired by the following contributors on Medium, whose work has inspired me.
Gloria Song Jason Edmunds Mona Lazar Diana Meresc Toni Greathouse Jan Sebastian Sahil Patel Winston Henery X Nour Boustani farahnaaz Benighted
The Meaning Of “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Viktor Frankl
What Are Your Motivated To Do When Fear Is No Longer An Option?
What You Need To Give Up To “Glow Up”
Emotional Intelligence. Make It A Priority in 2022. Your Success In Life Depends On It.
The Transformation Myth: How To Rewrite Your Stories Or Nothing Changes
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