Summary

The author shares their dislike for one song from each decade, from the 1950s to the 1990s, while also expressing their love for certain artists and songs from the same decades.

Abstract

The author, who has an eclectic taste in music, lists one song from each decade that they dislike, starting from the 1950s to the 1990s. They express their annoyance with The Crew-Cuts' "Sh-Boom" from the 1950s, The Turtles' "Happy Together" from the 1960s, Starland Vocal Band's "Afternoon Delight" from the 1970s, Glenn Frey's "Smuggler's Blues" from the 1980s, and Weezer's songs from the 1990s. However, they also share their love for certain artists and songs from the same decades, such as Eddie Cochran, The Seeds, The Clash, and Social Distortion. The author also criticizes the Beatles, calling them the heart of annoying rock'n'roll, and expresses their dislike for the whole decade of the 1980s, calling it decadent filth.

Opinions

The author has an eclectic taste in music.
The author dislikes The Crew-Cuts' "Sh-Boom" from the 1950s.
The author dislikes The Turtles' "Happy Together" from the 1960s.
The author dislikes Starland Vocal Band's "Afternoon Delight" from the 1970s.
The author dislikes Glenn Frey's "Smuggler's Blues" from the 1980s.
The author dislikes Weezer's songs from the 1990s.
The author criticizes the Beatles, calling them the heart of annoying rock'n'roll.
The author dislikes the whole decade of the 1980s, calling it decadent filth.
The author loves certain artists and songs from each decade, such as Eddie Cochran, The Seeds, The Clash, and Social Distortion.

MUSIC

5 Songs From 5 Decades I Just Can’t Stand

(the songs, not the decades)

It’s a beautiful Wednesday morning, and having just finished Paul Combs’ listicle 10 Songs From the Glorious 1980s I Just Can’t Stand, and wanting to make sure that I procrastinate a little longer on my fiction writing, I decided What the hell? There are far too many songs that I dislike to list them all — it would be the listicle to top all listicles. It would be even longer than a listicle that listed all listicles.

My taste for music is definitely eclectic, so don’t be surprised if your favourite song appears on my list. Trust me, it’s very likely I hate your favourite band. I’m going to try to touch on every valid rock’n’roll decade from inception. Since pretty much anything rock-related after 1999 is shite, those decades would be for the 1950s, the 1960s, the 1970s, the 1980s, and the 1990s. Now, I know, you’re going “OK, boomer” but too bad. Don’t care. It’s my article. Write your own.

1950's

There were lots of great acts from the birth of rock’n’roll. Elvis, Gene Vincent, Eddie Cochran, Buddy Holly — to name a few. It’s hard for me to find one that I really hate the way I hate songs from the 1980s, but there are some. The Crew-Cuts Sh-Boom really grates on my nerves, even if they were Canadian. Maybe it’s the haircut. Maybe it’s the annoying voices. Maybe I just don’t like barbershop quartets, except for the Be Sharps.

And to make up for that atrocity here’s some Eddie Cochran for you.

1960's

Ah, the 1960’s. Pretty much the heart of annoying rock’n’roll, if only because of the fucking Beatles. I’ll take the art school pretense of the Stones any day or the working class struggles of the Kinks. The Who were great, if only Pete Townsend would shut his fucking mouth in his dotage. My beef with the Beatles isn’t so much their music — they have a couple of fine tunes — but the whole hype around them. They aren’t the greatest. But they also aren’t the worst, or the most annoying.

Despite the wonderful sideburns, I’m going to have to throw The Turtles — another band stealing The Beatles’ use of animal names — under this bus, with Happy Together. It definitely makes me unhappy all together when I hear it. (I crack myself up, sometimes. But not with that joke)

And, to apologize for that piece of shite, here’s one of the highlights of the 1960s, The Seeds Pushin’ Too Hard.

1970's

Like all other decades, the 1970’s dumped a literal tonne of shite on us, musically and otherwise. However, one of the absolute worst was the Starland Vocal Band and their Afternoon Delight. It sure wasn’t my afternoon’s delight.

However, at least punk was born shortly afterwards. If you can honestly like The Starland Vocal Band after seeing the Clash play, I just can’t understand you. I do, however, recommend that you write an article about them, so I can ignore it.

1980's

Pretty much the whole decade was mired in decadent filth, where the ageing hippies went from Yippies to Yuppies. I think the worst offender, other than Bowie, Dylan, Jagger, and Elton John was Glenn Frey with his Smuggler’s Blues. I was torn between this one and The Heat is On, but at least Beverly Hills Cop was entertaining. This song pretty much encapsulates everything I hated about the 1980’s — pastels and coke-out idiots.

Robert Earl Keen’s The Road Goes on Forever is a far better song about this life. Comparing the two is like comparing Pacino in Scarface to Don Johnson in Miami Vice, though. Fuck Miami Vice.

1990's

the 1990s had some innovation, with grunge and watered-down pop-punk, but not enough to cover for the atrocity called Weezer. Fuck Weezer.

Here is some good music from the 1990s to wash away the taste. Social Distortion always wins for me.

And thus ends my angry trip through annoying songs from decades past. Hope you hated them as much as I did. I know that Paul Combs added songs from his favourite artists in there, so I’ll add just one. Social Distortion covering Death or Glory is just fucking awful, especially since it was released censored. Fuck censorship.

Paul Mansfield is a writer, a photographer, a guitar player, a philosopher — some he does well, some not so well, but he still tries them all. You can follow him on Twitter @pmansfield.

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