5 Signs You’re Probably Not Going Anywhere In Life
And how to change course.
Do you ever feel like you’re sabotaging your own success?
You have this vivid image in your head of what your life is supposed to look like and what you want it to look like, but every morning you wake up, and your life doesn’t look like that picture.
You’re still miserable at your job; you’re still fighting with your partner; you haven’t gone on that dreamy vacation that you swore you would go on 5 years ago; in fact, your life looks exactly the same as it did 5 years ago.
Here are a few signs that will help you identify whether or not you’re on the path to making a change or if you’re sabotaging yourself.
You don’t like learning.
When you’re interested in something, you become interesting.
To grow as a person, you have to invest time in educating yourself. When you don’t allow yourself to grow, you become stagnant — stuck in place.
I find myself becoming extremely bored with life when my brain isn’t stimulated. I started taking classes on skillshare for this very reason and making reading a non-negotiable for myself every single day.
It’s easy to turn the TV on and watch reruns of your favorite TV show, but how does that help you in any type of way?
Where will you be in 5+ years from now if all you do is stay within the confines of your home watching television and not doing anything productive with your mind?
How to fix this:
Take a class, read books, try new things. Learn from the greatest masters of the world. Education is so accessible nowadays; utilize it.
School isn’t for everybody, but guarantee there are topics you find interesting. I’ve been using Skillshare to hone my writing skills. I took a creative writing class by author Roxane Gay. I did it from the comforts of my couch. If you’re not investing time into stimulating your mind and being proactive about self-learning, the chances of you reaching your goals are slim.
Jim Rohn has a quote about how self-education benefits you,
“Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.”
You live paycheck to paycheck and are incapable of being financially responsible.
Financial security is attractive.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck; I had little to no understanding of financial responsibility. You’re not taught it in school, and a lot of people adopt their parent’s spending habits.
When I first moved to Los Angeles, I blew through 10k in less than a month. A few months later, I was in debt and only got out of it recently (3 years later).
The only way I got out of debt was by changing my mindset about money, setting goals and intentions for my life, and actively learning how to be financially responsible.
Take a look at your spending habits right now; where is your money going? If you’re working a minimum wage job, can you really afford those Gucci slippers? Spending money on needs vs. wants are two very different things, it’s all about being conscious about your spendings.
Author Ramit Sethi of ‘I Will Teach You to Be Rich’ says,
“Conscious spending isn’t about cutting your spending on everything. That approach wouldn’t last two days. It is, quite simply, about choosing the things you love enough to spend extravagantly on — and then cutting costs mercilessly on the things you don’t love.”
How to fix this:
The majority of Americans don’t even have $1,000 in their savings account for an emergency.
Instead of spending the little money you have on materialistic things that you really can’t afford and probably don’t need, invest that money into educating yourself, planning your future, invest in tools that can help progress your life and put you ahead rather than set you back. Pay close attention to what you spend daily and try to make adjustments.
You spend too much time with the wrong types of people.
If you’re spending time with negative people who aren’t contributing to your well-being, you’re not going anywhere. You’re also most likely spending too much time doing the wrong things. You can’t keep doing that if you want to thrive in life.
We naturally gravitate towards people for particular reasons; some people are more conscientious of it than others.
A few years ago, I dated someone who was very content in his stage of life. Which is okay, if you want to live with your parents for the rest of your life and be a bartender, do you. But, it impacted me in ways that were harmful.
Instead of working on my future, being healthy, spending time with friends and family, I became comfortable with doing the bare minimum.
If you’re someone who has goals and aspirations, but you’re spending all of your time with people who are okay with mediocrity, they will only drag you down with them.
This doesn’t mean you have to cut everyone out of your life; it means you have to be wise about who you’re spending your time with because nobody is going to look after you, only you can look after yourself.
How to fix this:
Hang with people who are growth-oriented and have big goals and aspirations. There’s a time and place for everything.
I have friends who like to party every day, and I have friends who will take days to respond because they’re so busy with their life and work. I choose to spend the bulk of my time with the latter category, which means I technically don’t hang out with many people at all.
But, when I take a break, I embrace the friends in my life who have different goals and aspirations.
Complaining is your first language.
Research shows most people complain once a minute during a typical conversation.
There’s a lot of people in the world who are overwhelmed with life, yet you wouldn’t even notice because they put on the biggest front. You’d think their life is flawless.
Then, there are those people that complain about absolutely everything. They act like life is working against them, as if their boss is out to get them, or their partner hates them so much they decided to ruin their life by breaking up with them, x y and z.
Complaining can be incredibly tempting and even stress-relieving at times because it causes a feel-good effect for you, as the complainer. It lets you express your feelings, gain justification, and openly vent. Sometimes it just feels good to vent. Am I right?
However, like every other thing that may feel good at the moment, complaining is actually harmful to your overall well-being because it rewires your brain for negativity.
A study from Stanford University proves that complaining can affect other areas of your brain; for instance, it shrinks your hippocampus. This part of the brain is important for problem-solving and intelligent thought.
The more you complain, the more negative energy you spread. Negatively is what keeps you stuck in place whether you realize it or not.
How to apply this:
Complaining is a coping mechanism, and the only way to replace an unhealthy coping mechanism with a healthy one is to identify why you have it in the first place.
Are you complaining about your work? Maybe your parents? Your significant other? Friends? Money? Ask yourself the following questions to get to the root of the issues.
- Why do I feel this way right now?
- Are my complaints valid?
- What is the solution?
- Is this a recurring complaint?
In the past, I would constantly complain about my work. I hated what I did, and yet, I did nothing to actively change my situation. It wasn’t until I started taking actions that felt uncomfortable that I started to see progress, and I learned to stop complaining.
You’d be surprised by how much control you have over the things you complain about. The problem is the solution is hard, which means you need to get out of your comfort zone.
You expect everything to be handed to you.
Determination and discipline are two of the many things you’re going to need in order to thrive in life.
When I was struggling to get back up on my feet after getting into debt, determination is what helped me stay focused. Discipline is what made me get the results I desired.
While a lot of people complain about fairness, I believe you have to work your way up to where you want to be. Life isn’t a genie; it’s not going to grant you three wishes on a golden platter.
You can’t expect everything to be handed to you; this type of mindset gets you absolutely nowhere. And, if, for whatever reason, you do get lucky in life and you have an incredible upbringing, and you never have any struggles, then you don’t learn valuable things such as money management or time management or how to work for what you really want.
From early on in my life, I understood that if I ever wanted to make something of myself, I would have to do it myself. My mom was a single mom raising three kids; I was the eldest and had a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. While at the time I was frustrated by it, looking back on it now, I realize all of those things shaped and molded me into who I am today.
Today, I’m an independent woman who has done and seen more things in her life than most people my age. I’m grateful for everything I have because I worked hard for everything I have. The skills I obtained are invaluable and ones I wouldn’t have gotten had everything been handed to me.
How to apply this:
Working for what you want is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. There’s no better feeling than looking at your achievements and thinking, “I did this.”
Don’t go through your life thinking you’re going to get lucky one day; you’re going to get noticed one day, etc. — etc. — etc. Go through life with a determination to accomplish your goals.
Go through life with the belief that you’ll get whatever the heck you want so long as you work hard for it. Don’t wait to be saved. Save yourself.