5 Signs You Just Weren’t Made For Each Other
If you ever feel lonely and consider going back to an old relationship, read this.
A lot of people I know dwell on past relationships when they’re single.
They think back on exes they loved, recall the good times they had with one another, and wonder why it didn’t work out. Maybe you do this too sometimes; maybe that’s why you clicked on this article.
“We were so good together.” You think to yourself. “We got along so well; we enjoyed the same things. I don’t even remember why we broke up in the first place.”
Relationship after relationship, you start to wonder if you’ve already been with The One, and maybe you need to jump back into one of those relationships. Especially considering your ex has just reached out to you. “Is it a sign?” You wonder.
I can’t tell you if you should or shouldn’t get back with your ex. Although I have written several articles on this topic.
With that being said, if you’re considering going back to an old flame, here are a few signs to pay attention to that prove you weren’t a good match.
You didn’t have the same goals/plans for the future.
If you don’t have the same goals, aspirations, plans, beliefs, or values as the person you’re with, then you’re simply not meant to be with one another.
One huge reason amongst many others that led me to break up with my ex was him not wanting a family. And get this, a part of me considered, just for a second, if I would be okay with never being a mom.
It wasn’t because of how much I “loved” him, it’s because when you’re with someone who doesn't have the same beliefs and values as you, you start to compromise your wants and needs for them.
It’s easy to believe you can overcome any challenge when you’re in love, but the reality is that trying to make something work when there are fundamental differences in your vision for the future can only cause you harm and resentment.
Marriage and family therapist Melissa Divaris Thompson says,
“Loving someone too much can blind you to the other essential pieces that don’t line up. No one is going to be perfect. But if you want a future with someone, it’s important to have the basics in alignment, like common goals, shared values, trust, and respect.”
Wanting different things out of life is significantly different than wanting Italian for dinner while they want Chinese.
Sometimes what you want won’t affect your future with your partner and can be reconciled through compromise. But more often than not, if the two of you want completely different things, it simply means it’s time to move on. Don’t give up your vision for someone else.
You felt lonely.
Despite being in a relationship, you still constantly found yourself feeling lonely.
You couldn’t talk to them about it because they made you feel crazy. When you mentioned they weren’t giving you the attention you needed, they called you clingy or needy. When you tried to set date nights to spend more quality time together, they’d bail on you for other things.
On another note, maybe you had a great relationship and saw one another frequently, but there was still something missing within your relationship. It didn’t matter if they sat next to you on the couch; you still felt alone.
If the two of you were having dinner together and you were telling them about what happened at work that day, you would look up and find them scrolling through their phone, making you feel invisible.
Some relationships, no matter how “okay” they seem, simply aren’t right because the two of you just aren’t compatible with one another. And it’s not worth dating someone who makes you feel alone in their presence.
You fought all the time.
You’d wake up every morning wondering, “Are we going to have a good day today? Will I do something to make them angry?”
Little conflicts that require no argument would always result in a huge blow-up. It often felt like you did more arguing and making up rather than actually loving one another and doing normal couple things.
When I was in my first serious relationship, we argued almost every single day. If we weren’t arguing in person, we were arguing through texts. Back then, I thought it was just heated passion; now, I realize it was an emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship that caused so much harm in my life.
You don’t realize it at the moment, but if all you and your partner do is constantly fight and give off negative energy, it will derail every other aspect of your life. It’ll affect you in ways you don’t even realize. It’ll ruin your self-esteem, your mood, your mindset; you name it.
Some people think arguing is a good thing, and while it’s completely normal to argue with your partner every now and then, fighting regularly is not.
Love isn’t supposed to be a heated, angry row every day. Love is supposed to be calm and kind. It’s supposed to make you feel at peace.
You constantly tried to convince yourself the relationship was right.
If you have to try to convince yourself that your partner is right for you, chances are, they aren’t.
Just because your friends, your family, or even your dog likes them — doesn’t mean it’s right for you.
You can like someone, enjoy their company, have great sex, but if the other necessary things you need are not present, it’s okay to move on. Neil Sedaka says, “Breaking up is hard to do.”
Most people will stay in unhappy relationships because they feel like it’s a hassle to leave.
And according to a new study, the breakup process is hard because when a relationship is going poorly, people waste a lot of time and energy lying to themselves about it. They choose to only look at the good and bypass all of the bad. They don’t evaluate whether or not they’re growing as individuals or as a couple.
People that are in bad relationships tend to wear rose-colored glasses when thinking about the past.
Take time to think about what your ideal relationship should look and feel like. If you notice that your current relationship isn’t making you feel a certain way, it might be time to move on.
Life is too short to settle in a relationship.
You’re not intellectually compatible.
While chemistry is important, if you and your partner can’t challenge each other, they may not be the right person for you.
Relationship coach and expert Jenna Ponaman, CPC,
“Intellectual compatibility is when both people are mentally stimulated by the same conversations. This means that you and your partner can talk about anything and everything from silly things you read online to deeper conversations about life and love.”
Going back to my second point of you feeling lonely, a lot of times, people feel lonely in a relationship because they’re with someone they’re not intellectually and emotionally compatible with.
If you have goals and aspirations for yourself, you enjoy having stimulating conversations with people; you want to improve yourself and your overall life while your partner wants to sit on the couch and scroll through TikTok all day, and has little to no interest in anything outside of their phone, you’re simply not a good fit for one another.
It’s better to leave before they end up bringing you down to their level.