5 Things Unhappy People Don’t Do
If you struggle with these, fixing them can bring you more happiness
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Have you ever been around a miserable person?
Someone who can silence a loud room with their negativity. When they’re nearby, you can feel the tension in the air.
I still remember an unhappy woman waiting in line for the checkout. I can’t remember the year or the store, but I can’t forget her.
That’s because she was nasty to everyone around her, including her two young kids.
Even though I didn’t know her, I could see she was an unhappy person. And on top of that, she put everyone around her on edge.
But once she left the store everything went back to the way it was.
An unhappy person is like a black hole.
They have an insatiable appetite for negative energy. And they try to pull everything and everyone into their destructive circle.
I’ve learned a lot about unhappy people in the past 5 years and I’ve found 5 things they all have in common.
Unhappy people don’t focus on positives
Instead, they focus on the negatives and failures.
You probably know someone who turns everything into a negative. Most likely someone popped into your head at the beginning of this story.
That’s because negative experiences are more memorable than positive ones. Sad but true.
There’s a scientific reason for that. It’s called negativity bias or positive-negative asymmetry.
According to verywellmind.com, “In almost any interaction, we are more likely to notice negative things and later remember them more vividly.”
As humans, we tend to:
- Remember traumatic experiences better than positive ones.
- Recall insults better than praise.
- React more strongly to negative stimuli.
- Think about negative things more frequently than positive ones.
- Respond more strongly to negative events than to equally positive ones.
Those seem like pretty big flaws in our logic.
But you can overcome them if you prepare yourself in those areas. Focus on the positives even when the negatives are more apparent and that’s where your values will be.
Unhappy people aren’t content with what they have
They look at what others have and focus on what they don’t.
This one is far too easy to get up in. Especially if life didn’t turn out the way you thought it would.
It takes a determined mindset to be content with what you have.
Focus on the blessings around you while you work towards what you don’t have.
And remember these two things. First, a happy life is way more than money, possessions, or a great job. Second, life hasn’t turned out the way 99% of us thought it would.
That doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Unhappy people don’t work hard to get what they want
Negative, unhappy people whine and make excuses instead of working harder.
They point their finger at others instead of looking in the mirror. And that’s what keeps them from digging out of the hole they’re in.
We may not be able to control what life throws at us but we can control how we react to it. Our choices are 100% our choices.
About 7 years ago I was good friends with someone that was an extremely unhappy person.
Looking back I’m not sure why I didn’t see it sooner.
Every time I was around him, I was on edge. It’s because he always had drama in his life (real or imagined).
It seemed like all he (and his wife) ever talked about was what life had dumped on them.
Even seeing his name on my phone irritated me. I knew I couldn’t answer his calls or I’d have to endure his latest “poor me” tale.
Unfortunately, I had to end our friendship.
Honestly, I had no choice.
If you don’t cut toxic people from your life, they’ll suck you into their world. Do the tough thing now. Remove the cancer before it’s too late.
I miss my former friend, but I’m still hoping he’ll get his life in order so we can rebuild our friendship.
Unhappy people don’t give others the benefit of the doubt
Instead of forgiving, negative people look for opportunities to be offended.
Some seem to enjoy holding grudges. It gives them opportunities to remind themselves over and over, they were right.
And that means the other party has to be wrong.
Again, I’m not saying practicing forgiveness is easy. Sometimes it’s not.
Negative people search for negatives.
Positive people choose to be slow to judge and look for opportunities to forgive. In an offensive world, those two things are priceless.
Search hard for the positives and you’ll find them.
Unhappy people don’t take responsibility for their actions
They blame others for their circumstances and misfortunes.
The quickest way to hitch a ride on the Negativity Express is to blame someone else for your troubles. Instead of creating an opportunity for self-improvement, the shifted focus keeps them from being able to improve their situation.
Blaming others only reinforces the lie that you have no control over where you find yourself.
And that perpetuates a second lie; there’s nothing more you need to do.
That is why it’s so difficult for an unhappy person to change. Taking responsibility for your actions — whether good or bad — builds character.
And that makes you respectable.
But no one respects someone who has an excuse for everything.
A quick recap
If you want to be happy, you have to work hard in these 5 areas.
- Focus on the positives
- Be content
- Work hard
- Give the benefit of the doubt
- Take responsibility for your actions
Take a minute to think about your own life.
Make sure you are not practicing any of the habits of an unhappy person. Once you’ve examined your actions, then it’s ok to look at the relationships around you.
Do you have any that are toxic? Are they toxic or just a difficult person?
If they’re toxic, it’s time for them to go!
I know that sounds harsh.
As hard as it might be, don’t wait. The longer you do the more complicated it can become. And the more damage that person can do to you or to those you love.
References:
- https://www.thehopeline.com/when-you-dont-forgive/
- https://theartofcharm.com/art-of-personal-development/self-mastery/cut-toxic-people-life/
- https://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/social-cognition/positive-negative-asymmetry/
- https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-bias-4589618
- https://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/24/your-money/why-people-remember-negative-events-more-than-positive-ones.html
