5 Life-Changing Things I Learned From My Mom and (could help you, too)

In honour of International Women’s Day

This article was originally published on Vocal Media as part of a challenge to write about the people whom you admire.

This Medium article is slightly expanded.

My mom was born during a time in the 1920’s that was rough for Chinese people in Vancouver. There was significant racism and discrimination, and often Chinese immigrants were relegated to jobs that were manual or focused on the service industry. This was my mom’s situation at the time.

She was born the daughter of a hard-working grocery store owner and a homemaker. Somehow, through perseverance and savings, my grandfather managed to scrape together enough money to open a corner store in a busy residential neighbourhood on the west end of Vancouver.

My mom and her sisters attended regular school and graduated without specific career plans. She told me that in those days, girls were expected to get married, and she obeyed my grandfather.

Throughout her life, my mom experienced many challenges, which included having to put up with my high-energy, and entrepreneurial father. Over the years, she also raised four spirited daughters, while navigating the constant duties of a grocer.

Over the years, my mother channelled qualities that I can only say embody the acronym: KIND. This story aims to showcase the many attributes my mother encouraged me to live by and in so doing, she battled against the everyday challenges with the resilience of the mighty, and mythological dragon.

K: Kind-hearted Towards Cats

My mom was quite the character. At times, she would throw out witty barbs from old Jimmy Cagney movies like “ You mugs want something to eat?” Other times, she would become quiet and philosophical, and say words like, “She’s a good soul.” Who talks like that? To this day, I don’t even know of a church person or local preacher who talks about a person having a good soul.

Ever since I was a little girl, my mother introduced me to the grace and loyalty of cats.

My mother showered her cats with all kinds of treats, including pan-fried liver, canned tuna, and sardines. At 7 years old, I cradled a black and white tabby cat named Mooty in my arms, and I continue to hold a lifelong love for my crazy fur babies.

My mother taught me that life is so much better with cats because I suppose, they embodied the same gentleness and loving kindness as my mom.

I: Inspirational

As children, my siblings and I faced a lot of racism growing up in the mostly white community of New Westminster, BC, a suburb of Vancouver. Not a day went by without hearing name-calling from some kids who used derogatory racist terms like “Chinamen” or told us to “Go Back to China.”

One day, when my mother heard that we were being bullied on the way to school, she told the principal, who promptly brought my siblings and me to his office.

My mother taught me suffering in silence was not always the correct way to fight back against injustice. One day I heard her rebuke a young man after he called out some racial epithets. She asked him what he had ever done for society, causing him to put his head down and slink away. Her remarks caused me to think about how we all owe it to humanity to somehow put some goodness on this planet before our times are up.

My mom was small in stature, but she showed me that courage is shaped by ourselves and not limited by how big or strong we are.

I grew up as a shy kid and wondered if this had to do with being the subject of bullies. Still, with my mom’s quick thinking and encouragement, I strived to live my life with resilience.

N: Nurturing and Caring Nature

My mother always had time for everyone. Before the proliferation of convenience stores selling fast food like fried chicken and hotdogs, an older woman walked into the grocery store. She watched longingly at the hotdog we were eating. She spoke of her hunger and in a moment, my mom had rushed upstairs, away from the register, to make a hot dog for this lady.

She never tired of caring for wildlife as well. During one hot dry spell, a sparrow had fainted. My mom revived it with sips of water, and we all marvelled as it flew away. Another year, an oil-slicked cat ran into our property and my mom lovingly washed away the debris.

She taught me that all life is worth saving and that compassion toward wildlife is an essential part of being a human.

D: Devoted To Her Family

My mother was strongly devoted to her kids. Even years after we earned our own money with our jobs, she often gave us envelopes filled with cash and she wrote beautiful handwritten well-wishes on our birthday cards.

She sometimes gave encouraging words which were accompanied by words of wisdom. One day, when one of my family members needed encouragement to embark on a new career, she said she “is master of her ship” implying that she alone determines her destiny. She always believed that each one of us was capable of achieving our goals — no matter how high.

On weekends as a young child, my mother would make the one-hour trek almost every weekend to look in on my Grandfather, who was living alone. She always brought lots of groceries to ensure he was well-fed.

My mother’s life was filled with times of sadness. A younger sister passed away at an early age, and her youngest brother struggled with mental illness. He passed on early in life after a choking incident. My mother had a close but distant relationship with my father, who was business-minded and unable to show his feelings.

Even though my mom faced many stresses and challenges during her life, I have never heard her complain. She took her problems head-on and found a way to solve each one — one at a time.

She taught us to face challenges head-on; do the best we can and make the most of the time we have on earth. And I might add: always have a ready quip.

These days, my mom is suffering from dementia. However, I know that she would want people to live wisely, courageously and always strive to have “a good soul.”

I hope you like this story that was originally published on Vocal Media,

Already on Medium? Don’t miss any of my stories, and if you are on Medium, subscribe to me via email here to get my latest articles. Please also show your support and follow me, too and this publication.

Check out my other articles: