5 Key Habits for Higher Self-Awareness

4. Observe and question behavioral patterns.

“Know thyself.”

Short, but potent, Socrates’ two words above echo what many great thinkers and philosophers have pointed to: The importance of higher self-awareness.

It’s the reason why Aristotle wrote, “knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom” and why Leo Tolstoy mirrored those words with “everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

Life transformation begins with self-transformation. What stands between where we are today and where we want to be is most often our own self — our habits, our limiting beliefs, our unmanaged emotions. So if we wish to change the outside, we must first look within and change the inside.

Self-awareness is recognizing that your objective isn’t to steer the river, your objective is to learn how to operate the ship so that it doesn’t crash.

As we actively become more self-aware of what’s holding us back, we can consciously create more room for positive, long-lasting change. And as with anything in life, self-awareness is a habit that we learn to cultivate as we continue to practice it.

Research has proven that people who are more self-aware reap several benefits. It helps them increase creative achievement, boost their self-esteem, create better relationships at work, and improve their self-regulation.

“We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.” — Sheryl Sandberg

Here are the five habits you must nourish in order to increase your self-awareness.

1. Journal for Self-reflection

Perhaps the single and most fundamental habit for becoming more self-aware begins with journaling. It has the power to change your life — it did for Oprah Winfrey and Nelson Mandela.

Journaling is the simple act of spilling our thoughts out onto paper. In doing so, we declutter our minds and allow ourselves to engage in what psychologists refer to as metacognition — a fancy term for “becoming more aware of our own thoughts.”

I see journaling as a meditative, reflective practice. It allows me to sit down and be alone with my thoughts so I can have an honest conversation with myself.

See your journal not as a reflection of who you are but as a medium to converse with yourself so you can better understand who you are.

People ask me: “But what do you journal about?”

Everything!

Writing your daily to-do list is a form of journaling — you’re decluttering your mind by putting on paper (and thus becoming more aware of) what productive things you must do today. Leaning into your feelings and asking yourself the question of “how do I feel today” and then picking up a pen and writing your thoughts is a form of reflective journaling.

Here are some ideas for journaling:

• Productivity Journal: A daily journal with your top 3 action-oriented priorities for the day.
• Evening Reflective Journal: A daily journal to reflect on your day and how you’re feeling.
• Gratitude Journal: A daily journal to write what you are grateful for today.
• Creative Contemplation Journal: A weekly journal where you sit down once a week and write down whatever comes to mind (how your life is evolving, a memory you want to remember, where you’d like to take your life).
• Goal-setting Journal: A monthly journal to set your goals for the coming month and make sure they align with your intention and long-term goals.
• Question Journal: A journal to ask yourself meaningful personal growth questions: “What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What habits can I improve on? What’s my greater purpose in life?”

See your journal not as a reflection of who you are but as a medium to converse with yourself so you can better understand who you are. Journaling is what allows you to create an intentional life for yourself. Make it a habit and your self-awareness will magnify dramatically.

“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful. — Meg Wheatley

2. Live in The Now and Accept What is

A big benefit of journaling is that it shifts your thinking back to the now. Yes, you can journal about your past or what you want to achieve in the future, but if you think about it, the entirety of that thinking is happening in the present.

That’s why journaling is a mindful meditative practice — it draws back your attention to the now: What can I do today to heal myself of the past, or to start working toward the future I dream of?

A major sign of higher self-awareness then is to realize that all we have control over is our very own perception of reality and what we do with our time today.

It’s the realization that the future is a fragment of our imagination — it has yet to be. And so self-awareness is simply the acceptance of what is, and the conscious reorientation of our thoughts to what we can do at this very moment to intentionally create the change we want.

Here’s what happens with this realization:

1. You understand that your perspective is what creates your reality: You stop all suffering because suffering is simply the refusal of what is. Once you accept the present as it is, you stop draining your energy on fighting what cannot be changed and instead investing your energy on what is within your control to create the change you desire.
2. You become more emotionally mature: Mindfulness invites introspection. You look within to lean into your feelings because you realize that anger, anxiety, worry, and fear are all indicators of what you are thinking. You become open to learning how to fully feel and manage those emotions and how to work with them as you are today because that’s the healthy thing to do.
3. You begin to focus on your daily progress rather than the end-goal ahead: Higher self-awareness helps you realize that you do not control the outcome of your goals, you control the time, energy, and effort you put in (the input). With this realization, you begin to shift your attention to the progress that you’re making as you work toward your goals because it’s in the process that we grow — not at the end destination.
4. You grow appreciative of yourself and your life: You realize that life happens today and your sole purpose is to enjoy it as it unfolds and be intentional about what you do. You begin to see all the abundance that you already have but you were blinded by your compulsive need for more. You become grateful and more accepting of who you are and thus more self-compassionate.

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” — Marcus Aurelius

Highly self-aware people live in the present moment; they are mindful and that’s the reason they live joyfully and passionately.

3. Practice Self-compassion

Another habit of highly self-aware people is their intentional practice of self-compassion.

I had been told several times in recent years that I am very hard on myself. I never truly understood that until last summer when I realized that I was creating so much self-imposed pressure to “succeed.” I wore down my mental and emotional energy very quickly. So I asked myself these questions:

1. Why am I rushing and what am I rushing to?
2. Why am I putting so much pressure on myself to keep delivering unrealistic results?
3. What am I running away from?
4. What does success mean to me?

These questions surfaced some subconscious negative emotions that were creating self-sabotaging behavior (more on this below).

A sign of self-awareness is when you realize that you give your love, affection, and kindness to everyone you care for but yourself. Self-compassion is then giving yourself the same love and attention you deserve.

It’s about living more mindfully. It’s about allowing yourself to fully feel. It’s about speaking to yourself in a kind manner. It’s moving away from the intoxicating self-talk of “you’re an idiot, you’re such a failure,” toward “it’s okay, you’re learning, you’re growing, you’ll figure it out.”

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” — Rumi

Self-compassion inspires confidence, growth, and hope. Self-criticism breeds self-hate, anger, and resentment. A habit of highly self-aware people is the conscious practice of kindness and compassion as a means to break all the barriers of love within themselves that they have built up against it.

4. Observe and Question Behavioral Patterns

Can you confidently say the following?

“This behavior is self-sabotaging my progress in life. I am ready to learn why I keep repeating it and what change I need to see in order to stop it.”

This is an incredible act of courage.

Observing and questioning your behavioral and thought patterns and choosing to change them rather than subside them is a habit you must build if you wish to increase your self-awareness.

You must be willingly open to the notion of being vulnerable because you’ll come to realize that there is an undercurrent of subconscious behavior that is harming you and your relationships. There are negative emotions buried deep within that you need to address.

This will open up old wounds, but that’s okay because you’re now strong and wise enough to accept what is and find a way to heal those wounds rather than just patch them up. You’re willing to do this because you recognize that some behaviors are not only affecting you but also those you love dearly.

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. — Carl Jung

Looking inside is a cornerstone habit of highly self-aware people because they recognize that it is only through the destruction of what is that one can make way for the beauty of what could be. Every act of creation begins with an act of destruction. We must learn to let go of what once was.

Self-awareness is recognizing that your objective isn’t to steer the river, your objective is to learn how to operate the ship so that it doesn’t crash.

Self-sabotage is one of the main reasons we fail to achieve anything in life, and it’s nothing more than repeated patterns of unconscious behavior and limiting beliefs.

A habit of always looking within to let go of what isn’t progressing your growth (limiting beliefs, mental blocks, harmful behaviors) cultivates higher self-awareness. And it begins with a mindset that is open to discomfort because it is only through discomfort that we will learn and grow.

5. Stay Authentic but Be Open to Feedback

Authenticity is about living with self-respect, staying true to your values, and being honest with others. It isn’t, however, about being stubborn — open-mindedness and acceptance of what other people think and choose are two signs of authenticity and higher self-awareness.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

This habit is built upon continuously reviewing the following:

1. What are the values that I live by?
2. What does success mean to me?
3. What is it that I can improve on?

Values are inner-pillars upon which we can turn toward when we are faced with challenging decisions. They form our guiding compass.

For instance, my values are as follows: fearlessness, authenticity (being myself), responsibility (not blaming others for my downfalls), loyalty (for friends and family), kindness (being a good person), passion (I want to work on projects I truly care for because they bring me joy).

Success is personal and self-aware people set their own definitions of success. By doing so, they compare their progress only to their former selves and not to that of others.

People who are genuinely self-aware nourish the humility to understand that there are a lot of areas they can work on to improve. They are proud to be a student of life and are humble enough to ask for — and truly listen to — feedback from others. What they do with that feedback is up to them, but the important thing is that they listened to it without judgment.

A big aspect of this is cultivating an openness to criticism and, more importantly, not taking anything personally.

Choose your values, live by them, and have the humility to accept feedback without being defensive or personal about it, and you’ll found yourself becoming more self-aware and self-assured.

Why it Matters to You

“If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.” — Eckhart Tolle

Self-awareness is an on-going, always-evolving process.

As you actively become more aware of your own values, interests, strengths, limiting beliefs, and self-sabotaging behavior, you can consciously create more room for positive and long-lasting change in your life. And in order to cultivate a greater sense of self-awareness, you need to regularly practice these five habits:

1. Journal for self-reflection.
2. Live in the now and accept what is.
3. Practice self-compassion.
4. Observe and question behavioral patterns.
5. Stay authentic but be open to feedback.

Remember: You must first look inside if you want to see change on the outside.

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