5 Fundamental Parts of Life You Need to Treat Differently If You Want to Be Successful

#3: Your friendships are a double-edged sword.

Most things are good and bad, depending on how you treat them.

Your relationship can be a great source of joy and support if you put in the work or become dull and draining if you neglect it.

Beer can be a great facilitator to socialize with friends if you drink responsibly, or an addictive drug wrecking your body if you use it as a coping mechanism.

Work can be fulfilling if you choose the right job or depressing if you’re stuck in the wrong one.

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

— Epictetus

I’ve met lots of successful people in the past: Self-made entrepreneurs, happy family fathers, people who found their purpose and dream jobs. They all started from different places. Some were dirt poor and uneducated, others rich and super smart. Yet, none of them could trace their success back to one special event.

What separated them from others is how they treated the fundamental components of life we all encounter every day.

Money Is Neither the Root of All Evil nor a God to Be Worshipped

Money is evil. Money is also good. It all depends on what you do with it.

I grew up in Swabia, the most frugal part of Germany. Swabians celebrate the 4th advent by putting two candles in front of a mirror. But at least we can read restaurant menus in every country since all we do is look at the prices.

The last line isn’t a joke — when I hitchhiked through Australia and South-East Asia, that was how I ordered most of my food.

I avoided spending wherever I could. Consequently, this meant I also skimped on investing in myself and got unhappy whenever I had to open my wallet.

Most people have a terrible money mindset — they’re either extremely frugal or lavish and don’t understand how they can make money work for them. They either worship it or view it as the root of all evil.

Successful people have a much healthier relationship with the blue Benjamin’s.

What to do instead:

Money is a facilitator of exchange. It’s an instrument used to transfer value. Nothing more and nothing less.

If all you do is blow your money on meaningless distractions, chasing the latest trends, and buying things you can’t afford, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice.

You fail to realize the potential that comes with money.

Instead, look at it as a tool to make your life better long-term. Invest in yourself, buy assets that pay you back in the future, or fuel positive change. Do good with your cash, whatever good means to you.

Money is nothing but an instrument — and you decide if you play a symphony or off-tune.

If You Want a Great Cake, Don’t Start with the Cherry on Top

Your life is a cake. Romantic relationships and steamy sex are the cherries on top.

For years, I’ve tried to place the cherry on a cake that wasn’t baked yet. I chased women, sex, and relationships while my life was still in shambles. I didn’t realize you can’t make a messed-up cake look and taste good by putting fruit on top. And I’m not the only one.

Most people view love and room action as the pinnacle of life and go to ridiculous lengths at one point in their lives to obtain them. But you can’t reach the mountain top without long walks through dark valleys and strenuous climbs.

What to do instead:

If you want a great relationship or lots of sex, you need to start with yourself — not someone else.

We all have issues and problems, whether they’re personal, emotional, financial, or even physical. The more of them you sort out, the more you can bring to the table in a relationship, and the more value you show for potential partners.

Once I started working on myself, it became much easier to get with the women I wanted. This doesn’t mean you have to be completely free of any issues before you even consider dating, but you’ll save yourself tons of time, stress, and emotional hurt if you tend to yourself first.

Grow. Improve. Work out your issues. Focus on yourself and find out what you want.

Bake the best cake you can, then put the cherry on top.

Your Friendships Are a Double-Edged Sword

Your friends will make you and your friends will break you, so choose your tribe carefully.

Jim Rohn said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” The number is debatable, the fact is not.

Humans are social animals. An 80-year Harvard study showed your relationships with others are the biggest determinant of your happiness. Maybe that’s why many people hold on to friendships long beyond their due date.

I’m no exception. I held on to friends I had outgrown, who disrespected me, and who sucked the energy out of me. They held me back and dragged me down — all because I was too afraid to cut the line.

There isn’t always a clear-cut reason or last-straw event. Mostly, they’re still amazing human beings. That’s what makes it so hard to part ways.

You were told the narrative of real friendships last forever. They can, but life is constant change, and you and your friends sometimes don’t move in the same direction. The further you drift apart, the harder it is to keep the bond intact.

Friends are the family you choose.

The emphasis sits on choose. Choosing one thing always means not choosing something else.

In Germany, we have a saying: “Better a horrible end than endless horror.” There’s no point in holding on to someone who sucks energy but doesn’t add value to your life just for the sake of it.

What to do instead:

Honor the friendship. You’re friends for a reason and you’ve likely gone through a lot together. But honoring also means letting go when it isn’t anymore.

When you drift apart, the relationship gets out of balance, which is never good — neither for you, nor your friend, nor your friendship.

You don’t have to make a pro/contra list for every friend you have. But if you feel off track, evaluate if the friendship is what it used to be, or if you’d rather spend your time with someone else.

Don’t be afraid to cut the line if the load gets too heavy.

“You are the average of the five people you associate with most, so do not underestimate the effects of your pessimistic, unambitious, or disorganized friends. If someone isn’t making you stronger, they’re making you weaker.”

— Timothy Ferriss

“The System” Is Just a Frame — You Decide What Picture You Paint

I’ll be intentionally blunt here: Society doesn’t give a fuck about you unless you dance out of line.

Society does care about providing an environment in which individuals are safe and can thrive by covering essential needs like food, water, shelter, education and all that stuff, at least to a certain degree.

What it doesn’t care about is your happiness, luck, destiny, fulfillment, or whatever you may call it. Life is what you make it — and paradoxically, society doesn’t want you to make it. It wants you to function as an obedient member of the system.

This is neither evil nor good. There is no big conspiracy behind it all. Mainstream society promotes consumption, 9-to-5 jobs, and fake news because it keeps the system running, not because somebody dislikes you personally. It’s just how things work.

Breaking out of the standard framework is hard.

We, humans, have an inbuilt us-vs.-them mentality, dating back to caveman times. Most people don’t want to be different (them), which is why they do what society (us) advocates. But if you do what everybody does, you get what everybody gets, which often is neither happiness nor success.

What to do instead:

Society is a frame you live in. But you have to decide how you fill that frame. Your life, your choices.

The frame (what’s given):

• Adhere to the laws (or at least don’t get caught)
• Contribute to humankind and the planet
• Respect others and their ways of living
• Be a functioning and valuable member of society
• Don’t be an asshole

How you fill it (up to you):

• Choosing your own path and what fulfills you
• (Not) following the latest trends
• (Not) believing what everyone else believes
• Consumption and pleasures
• Your values
• Your sexual orientation
• How you want to spend your free time

Appreciate the benefits of society and contribute to it, but don’t be afraid to walk your own path and be authentic.

Don’t Trade Long-Term Success for Short-Term Pleasure and Fake Freedom

Ownership equals responsibility.

Most people think more stuff makes them free and happy because they’re able to choose their pleasures. But this is fake freedom and a distraction from the real deal.

“The only true form of freedom, the only ethical form of freedom, is through self-limitation. It is not the privilege of choosing everything you want in your life, but rather, choosing what you will give up in your life.”

— Mark Manson

Most amenities that bring pleasure in the short run weigh you down in the long run.

Time spent on Netflix is entertaining, but eventually, it distracts you from achieving your real goals.

New clothes are exciting, but eventually, they’ll clog your wardrobe and make choosing an outfit hard.

In both cases, you spend time, energy, and money on short-term pleasure instead of working on your long-term success and freedom.

What to do instead:

View things and pleasures as commitments first — because that’s what they are.

This doesn’t mean you should never enjoy anything. But taking this perspective will help you see what most people often forget. Before you buy something new or engage in distracting pleasures, ask yourself:

“How much of my time, energy, and money do I commit by choosing this?

Then, choose if that’s what you want to do.

Happiness comes from the inside. Success comes from hard work. Freedom comes from choosing commitments, not pleasures.

Choose wisely.

I help ambitious men find direction, create an authentic vision for a fulfilled life, and take action to achieve their dreams. Sign up for my free 5-minute newsletter and become part of the Authentic Men Tribe!