Childish Humour
5 Benefits of Being a Young(ish) Medium Writer
Don’t have a care, or a grey hair!
A young Queen Elizabeth II once said:
“Holy cow! I’m the Queen and I’m young!”
Wise words from the late monarch.
To be young is to be free, and all that bollocks. But it does hand an advantage to being a Medium writer.
Whereas the oldies have life experience and hatred against teenagers in skinny jeans, we young(ish)uns’ have the pleasure of being more up-to-date and “with it” as the kids would say.
But what exactly are the advantages of having fewer years on the clock when it comes to writing absolute rubbish on the internet? Or the “web” as the kids would say.
Strap yourselves in and read slowly so the algorithm thinks you like this. I‘m gonna now teach you the five benefits of being a young(ish) Medium writer. Enjoy!
5. Pity Pals
You can get away with being an awful writer if you’re young.
Old people will be all like:
- You suck man!
- Eat a humble pie you diabetic fraud!
- Eat my shorts!
You can watch them consume their words as you politely reply that you are a young writer.
The older scribes will — unless they’re evil — feel awful about themselves and say stuff like:
- You’ll get there one day sonny!
- I remember when I was young, I didn’t know the difference between there, their, and they’re either.
- I’m sorry I said, “Eat my shorts”. I’ve only just learned about that reference.
So yeah, if you suck, tell the haters you’re young and innocent and all is forgiven :)
4. Sleeping Suckers
These old farty writers are too elderly to stay awake past 8 pm which means younger Mediumers (Mediumites? Mediumees?) can spend longer honing their respective crafts.
As Margaret and Kenneth snooze away the evening, you can be hard at work typing up stories about boobs, or racist anecdotes. When these old fogies wake up at the crack of dawn, your earnings will be through the roof before they’ve had their first bowl of Fruit ’N’ Fibre cereal.
So grab that Red Bull and keep yourself pumped throughout the night. Let’s see the senior citizens keep up with that!
3. Last for Longer
When you age, you lose patience and tolerance for things, that’s why articles from that generation are really short.
Bruce and Karen will be bashing out two-minute pieces whereas we cherubs can go for eight, nine, ten, and maybe even thirteen minutes in read time!
Our writing stamina is superior to those who need to go to their Doctor to get special performance-enhancing writing pills to compete with the likes of us.
Yeah, good luck coffin dodgers!
2. Agreeable Audience
Technology is made for young people. Those who can’t use it are cast by the wayside and made to use a pencil and paper for the rest of their miserable lives.
With this in mind, it makes sense that the young Medium audiences are drawn to the young(ish) writers on the platform.
The way we trendy writers use phrases such as “flippidy-flop”, “bitchin’ ”, and “totally monster” helps us to connect with our fellow cool people.
The slang that older Medium writers use is quite frankly appalling.
You should cut the power cord if you’re using the below diction on the internet:
- Quite marvellous
- Spiffing
- Erroneous
- Margaret Thatcher
- Fax Machine
Keep it cool and use funky language. Otherwise, get off that computer Grandpa! You don’t belong here! You fossil!
1. Dying To Write
The ultimate bonus of not being a decrepit writer is that you’re less likely to die at your keyboard.
The young guns of Medium are fit, healthy, and ready to write at a moment’s notice. We’re not affected by a cold draft coming in through the window, or a sudden heart attack from a life of eating too much bacon.
As oldie person McGee lies face down in a pool of blood at their QWERTY keyboard, the spring chickens of internet writing will be happily typing away without a worry in the world.
Our Medium funeral is a long way away, so condolences to all those grey-haired antiques who have sadly taken the chop, but now it’s time for the new breed to come in and have their fun by writing about boobs, 5G Mobile Data, and other cool hip stuff.
PS. If you do feel like you may die at your computer in the near to instant future, could you make sure to clap this article first. That would be awesome ❤
Too Old For This Sh…ugar
There we have it young and ancient writers alike, this is how Medium works. The cool peeps take over, and the elderly die at their keyboards. It’s almost poetic in a way.
If you’re old and have been affected by anything in this article, please try to keep it to yourself. You won’t have to worry about it for long because you’ll be on that nice comfy death bed soon enough.
Thanks for reading, and please remember…
I like it when cashiers call me “mate” or “pal”. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Best November wishes,
AR ❤
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