Summary

The website content discusses an individual's personal account and justification for engaging in sexual acts with frozen chickens before consuming them, emphasizing ethical considerations, preparation methods, and the importance of personal choice in such practices.

Abstract

The author of the content provides a detailed explanation of their unconventional practice of having sexual intercourse with frozen chickens prior to cooking and eating them. The text outlines specific preferences for the type of chicken used, advocating for free-range poultry to align with ethical farming practices. It also describes the process of defrosting the chicken naturally and the use of stuffing to enhance the experience. The author stresses the importance of personal experimentation and choice in this practice, drawing inspiration from moral discussions presented in Jonathan Haidt's book "The Righteous Mind."

Opinions

The author believes that using whole frozen chickens provides a more authentic experience compared to individual parts like wings or legs.
There is a strong preference for free-range chickens, as the author feels it is important to respect the animal's welfare and prefers to imagine the chicken lived a free and natural life.
The author advises against using microwaves or ovens for defrosting, suggesting that natural defrosting is more appropriate and intimate.
The use of stuffing, particularly with herbs and semi-salted butter, is recommended for an enhanced sensory experience.
The author encourages readers to explore and determine their own preferences in this practice, emphasizing that there is no single correct way to engage in this activity.
The author draws a connection between their practices and the broader discussion of morality, suggesting that their actions are a form of personal expression and part of a natural human experience.

I Have Sex with Frozen Chickens before Eating Them

Is it moral?

There are a few things you need to pay attention to before having sex with a frozen chicken. You can’t just pick any chicken from your average supermarket next door.

First, you need to buy whole frozen chicken.

I’ve tried with frozen chicken wings, feet, and legs. It just feels too weird; there are too many angles, for example. And by focusing too much on one of the body parts, I realized I missed the whole picture. If you want to try it for yourself, I recommend frozen chicken feet. They have a small enough girth to make space for your appendage during the act. Be careful to cut the nails first.

I also tried to mince the feet, legs, and wings together, and there’s an undeniable smoothness to the physical contact with the result. I liked that. A lot. But I soon realized it was too smooth. Again, I missed something. The rawness of a whole frozen chicken is necessary for a full appreciation of the experience.

Second, I don’t support intensive animal farming, or factory farming, and buy only free-range chicken.

Factory farming is “disastrous for the environment, nearby communities, consumer health, and animal welfare.”

I would feel bad having sex with a chicken raised and killed in such horrendous conditions. I like to think the chicken who has my sexual attentions was free to roam in their corner of nature’s sanctuary.

While having sexual intercourse with the frozen chicken, I sometimes imagine them flapping their wings and pecking grains in the green fields of their liberty — figuratively speaking. It’s glorious, and by having a primal relationship with them, I somehow feel part of nature’s accepting community.

Third, there’s the freezing conundrum.

How long should you let the frozen chicken defrost before attempting sexual intercourse with it?

I strongly advise against microwave or oven usage. The defrosting should be natural. For ceremonial purposes, I place the chicken on my bed, but that’s a personal choice. One could as well do it in the kitchen. It’s more convenient, as you can put the chicken directly in the oven once you’re done.

However, the bedroom gives an intimate touch to an act that could otherwise be perceived as peculiar by some.

I can only encourage you to try different combinations and see what fits you best.

(From my experience, there’s a sweet spot between 55 and 75 minutes of defrosting.)

Finally, the stuffing question.

You might want to try without once in a while, but there’s no question it’s better with stuffing.

Herbs are the number one element to consider. If you have a garden, my recommendation is to mow the lawn first. The smell of freshly cut grass will be a great addition to the physical sensations. And, the resulting greenish shades of the stuffing make for amazing pastoral visual effects.

I don’t have a strong opinion as to which type of bread you should use to prepare your stuffing. When it comes to butter, I tend to prefer semi-salted butter for the tingling effect it gives.

For the cooking part, I use my grandma’s recipe. There’s a long-lasting tradition of chicken dishes for Sunday lunches in my family. (However, I’m the first to have sex with the frozen chicken before eating it. As far as I know.)

Remember that all these tips are optional. I cannot stress enough the importance of trying them for yourself and picking the ones that suit you best. Don’t let other people tell you the correct way to have sex with a frozen chicken before eating it.

It’s your choice.

I found the inspiration for this text in Jonathan Haidt’s book The Righteous Mind. Here’s an article from Wired that explores ‘moral dumbfounding’ and other moral questions linked to the book.

Smillew is a tweeter, and a serial masturbator. He also enjoys taking a shit in the metaverse. He doesn’t subscribe to his newsletter and already used his referral link to become a Medium member.