40 Lessons I Learned At 40 That I Wish I Had Learned At 20
Or How To Run Around On A Space Rock Effectively
It’s that time again! Mankind proudly celebrates another full orbit of its home planet around the central celestial body.
And each year I wonder: Wouldn’t it be odd to the random extraterrestrial observer that this astronomical event correlates with an increased number of jettisoned fingertips?
Anyway. Before everyone lets their inner child out again and gets hyped up about fireworks (or flees from them with infantile shrieks) it’s time to pause and reflect on what this year has brought in terms of personal growth, right? Or, while we’re at it, what the last few circumnavigations have brought in that regard.
Or you know what? Let’s go all in: what did I learn at 40 that I wish I had learned at 20?
1. Be grateful
We are born, walk around on the crust of a little space rock for a bit, trying to make sense of as much as we can, and then we die. Although this may sound like the universe has chosen a rather tragic form of existence for us, our time is probably the most favorable in which a human could ever walk around on this orbiting space pebble.
Just take a step back from the human turmoil of rock running and meaning-making, of self-doubt and procrastination, and look at our existence from the cosmological standpoint of a casual alien observer. Even though our interstellar visitors would be baffled by the fact that we recently started blowing our hands off en masse every time we take another turn, they would also measure that survival on this little blue planet has actually never been more convenient for humans thanks to new revolutionary technologies heralding an exciting paradigm shift.
It’s all downhill from here environmentally, true, but this little time window of immense technological advance and rising ecological awareness probably were the best few decades our species had until now.
Be grateful. Especially if you manage to keep your fingertips.
2. The Art of the Afternoon Nap
The second most important thing in our part of the universe, next to sufficient gratitude, is probably the Art of the Afternoon Nap. It’s something you really have to learn early on! I will spare you the details about why this is immensely important and why learning it late turns out to be immensely difficult, and will instead quote Umberto Ecco, who in his debut novel “The Name of the Rose” hit the pillow on the seam:
“Daytime sleep is like the sin of the flesh; the more you have the more you want, and yet you feel unhappy, sated, and unsated at the same time.”
3. Listen to other people’s opinions
Not just to Italian linguists, I mean in general. Not only just “hear other people’s opinions” but listen to them and try to understand them. In this attempt, one usually gets to know two things: another person’s way of thinking and one’s own (often prejudiced) thinking patterns.
4. Don’t compare yourself to others — if you have to, choose wisely.
Everything in the universe, from the lifecycle of galaxies and stars to the orbits of habitable planets and the running routes of their busy inhabitants, everything has its own unique path. Worrying about how others are dealing with running around trying to make sense of their lives doesn’t help you in any way with your very own Space Rock course. It’s actually an intense brainfuck that could make you stumble. If you must compare yourself because it’s one of those days when you want to lighten your mood with a little self-mortification, please choose wisely and don’t just pick the next more successful dude you come across. Do your research. Umberto Ecco, for example, published his first novel when he was 41. See? That’s how you do it. It’s a relaxing comparison for a 20-year-old. On the other hand, if you’re already 41, you’ll notice that Bram Stoker started working on Dracula at the age of 43. And it took him seven years to finish it. Relaxing indeed.
And that leads us to:
5. Stretch your legs
The problem with running around on a space rock for a few decades is that your legs get very tired after a while. Unfortunately, your body still has to keep pumping blood in and out of these stuck fasciae of your running bones. It makes perfect sense to me, not only because I found it in a Japanese martial arts book: if you have flexible legs, you’ll stay healthy longer.
And while we’re at it, Bruce Lee said:
6. Be like water
He meant flexible, obviously, both mentally and physically. Since things almost never go according to plan, being flexible is a pretty good thing to be. Don’t be afraid to try something new if you find that your original plans don’t work out — you never know where that can lead. And stay positive: thanks to the chemical composition of our home boulder we already are 60% water. That is clearly more than half-full!
6. Embrace your mistakes
Talking about drinking enough, you can learn an incredible amount from mistakes. They force you to rethink and reevaluate things. They make you wonder why you feel tired even though you just drank a liter of caffeinated hot water. If you do it right, you’ll find later that your mistakes have made you smarter, more productive, and healthier.
Speaking of health:
7. Go vegan
If you’re into getting laid (and I know you are, 20-year-old former me) then you should stop smelling like carrion while mindlessly increasing your cholesterol levels.
Besides, a compassionate attitude toward our fellow animal creatures who share the same absurd fate as we do (except they run around and try to make sense a little differently sometimes) is probably the healthiest thing you can do, both physiologically and mentally.
Now I can almost hear you whining about the loss of cheese fondue. Here’s help: Diane Nicholson’s great post on how to make any cheese without relying on the “rape and slaughter” party of the dairy industry.
Now that you will be preparing far more fresh vegetables, listen up former me, because this one will save you a lot of time.
8. The Pareto Principle
The Pareto Effect states that 80% of the results you are aiming for are achieved with 20% of the total effort. The remaining 20% of the desired results require the most work with 80% of the total effort.
I know, this sounds confusing at first. So here’s an example:
Let’s say you wanted to impress your readers with a list of 40 things you wanted to say to your 20-year-old former self. The Pareto principle says you can call it a day when you’ve written eight things. Eight things (20% of the work) will get you 80% of the results, which means an 80% well-entertained reader.
Of course, the reader is also 20% confused because he expected you to deliver 40 things. But then if you wanted to deliver 32 more things to entertain the reader 100%, you would have to put in 400% more work than you already did just to give him 25% more entertainment.
Amazing, isn’t it?
And thanks to the Pareto principle, that’s a wrap. Thanks for reading.
Eight things a 40-year-old science fiction/comedy writer would say to his 20-year-old former self. This is indeed a solid, 80% satisfying contribution to your New Year’s resolution list. If you’re missing some more morale-boosting self-optimization insights, you may find them in your New Year’s Instagram feed anyway.
Oh, ok, I just might have another one:
9. Template for your new year’s resolution post on Instagram
2022 was a very eventful year for me because [insert random emotional shit].
2023 is all about [insert random motivational shit] for me.
For me personally, that means: [insert random spiritual quote]
And as a bonus for the writers among you:
10. — 19. Ten strategies for you to stay productive as a writer
So now we already have 19 things I would like to say to my 20-year-old former self. What kind of a crazy work horse am I?
That’s 47.5% of the 40 things you thought I would write down based on the headline. Now how does that make you feel?
Do you feel better with this 47.5% we have now than you felt with the 20% we had earlier when I stopped at 8 things?
No, you don’t.
Pareto Principle.
Very helpful with time management on a stone projectile hurtling through space.
This leads us to two more things I would like to send back to the past:
20. Whenever you can, make a joke
Life is an incredibly absurd and sometimes even an absurdly complicated thing. Laugh about it whenever you can.
And:
21.-37. Don’t be afraid to try something new, nor to repeat something that has proven effective
From a writer’s perspective, the world is simply a stage where everyone is performing their own little play, running around on a flying lump of iron, trying to make sense of everything that whizzes by at 67,000 miles per hour. Obviously, in this harsh theatrical environment, we have to make sure that we can improvise as well as have some good lines in our repertoire.
Alright, theater crew, now since
38. Your time is valuable
And that goes for me, too. Let’s use it wisely. I would recommend family and friends as solid options.
39. I wish you all the best for 2023
Believe me, 20-year-old former me, we had some weird years recently here in your future. Stay healthy, get creative, and be grateful.
And don’t forget:
