4 Ways You Might Be Unintentionally Sabotaging Yourself

Ridding yourself of the beliefs and habits that want to ruin your future.

All growth is the result of death.

If you’re struggling to move on, change, or grow in a part of your life it’s likely because you won’t let some part of yourself die.

Perhaps you don’t feel that you can move on. It’s even more possible that you’re scared. Both of those things are okay, but if you keep your old beliefs and habits you’ll stay stuck.

An old part of you must die so that a new you can live.

It’s frustrating when you try to climb, only to hit a wall of self-sabotage and fall right back down to where you started. For many, a single failure is enough to keep them stuck in an old pattern and never go back.

Self-sabotaging behaviors are different for everyone. A toxic behavior for you might be harmless to me. At the same time, some behaviors limit you no matter who you are.

Everyone engages in these behaviors at some point — often unconsciously. But identifying them is the first step to overcoming them.

Here are 4 ways you might be unconsciously sabotaging yourself.

You believe what other people say about you

Your family of origin, culture, and relationships all shape your beliefs. They each have a strong hand in shaping how you think about yourself, your life, money, success, relationships, and every other area of your life.

These influencers are especially powerful when you’re a child, and carry over into your adult years.

Do you know who is shaping you? The voice in your head that tells you you should or shouldn’t do something belongs to someone who influences your life.

We all have positive and negative influences — sometimes you get both kinds from the same person. It’s really up to you to decide how you want to live your life. But with that choice comes the responsibility of deciding if the voices you listen to are helping or hindering you.

Do you live your life based on what you think other people think?

True maturity comes from exercising a degree of agency over your life. There are plenty of things you can’t control, but if you focus on the things you can, they’ll be more than enough for you.

You’re holding on to a past version of yourself

Are you holding on to the person you used to be?

Do you feel like you’re trying to make that person fit into your present circumstances?

As you grow, your new experiences will demand a new you.

You can’t move on to bigger and better things in life and hold on to the person you used to be. That’s scary, because closing to let go of an old part of yourself may feel like a betrayal. It might make you feel like a disappointment to people who matter to you.

There comes a time when you have to let go of old dreams because they were based on the choices you made for yourself before you knew who you would become.

It’s no longer reasonable — if it ever was — to expect an 18 or 22-year-old to choose a path for the rest of their life.

You make choices about your future, your goals, and your dreams based in part on the influences around you. For example, a child who grows up in a home full of drug addicts won’t see very many other options for her life unless she puts herself in a different environment.

If you refuse to let go of a past version of yourself, your old self will always try to sabotage the new you.

It’s okay to let go of your old dreams and move forward into a new day.

You allow your past to limit your future

There’s an old saying that goes something like, “Past performance is an indicator of future performance.” That’s true unless you consciously make a change.

Just because you failed at something in the past, doesn’t mean you’ll fail in the future.

If you define yourself as a “failure” you’ll have a difficult time moving on. But failure in one area of your life doesn’t make you a failure across your entire life.

Whatever happened to you in your past can either hold you back or move you forward. You get to choose which one. That’s freeing, but it also demands that you take responsibility for your thoughts and actions.

The past is in your head. The Future is in your hands. –Unknown

Your past failures are not an indicator of your future. If you choose to let them limit you, they will.

If you learn from them and make the uncomfortable changes necessary to get better, your future will be bright.

You think you’re owed something

If you believe society owes you something because of your social status, race, education, or talent, you’ll always find disappointment.

If you carry a chip on your shoulder, expecting things to happen for you with no effort, you’ll never take the necessary action to make your life better. You’ll sabotage every opportunity you have because you’ll quit when doors don’t open for you without effort.

I used to think people should read my writing because a few friends and family members said I’m a good writer. When I started sharing my writing with the public, I learned I need to give people a reason to read. If I don’t add value, I don’t deserve your attention.

If you refuse to work, stretch, and grow beyond what you believe you are capable of, you’ll never find the kind of life you want to live.

“How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself?” asked Epictetus. The reality is you could start today. You only choose not to because it’s easier to stay stuck where you are.

Developing and using valuable skills is what sets you apart and moves you forward. Marketable skills allow you to reap life’s best rewards.

Final Thoughts

The beliefs you have about yourself, your life, and the way things are will determine the quality of your life. Your beliefs about yourself can either make you or break you.

That’s not to say you should see yourself unrealistically. You have limits, after all. But a strong belief in your ability to meet the challenges in front of you, even if they’re scary, will help you meet those challenges successfully.

Don’t be afraid to let old and outdated parts of yourself die. It’s the only real way to decrease your unconscious self-sabotage.