4 Ways to Silence Your Demons and Finally Be Happy

No matter how many times you’ve tried before, do me a favor and try one more time

Yesterday, I was in the bathtub, and I noticed the water wouldn’t drain. So, I investigated.

When I put my finger in the drain hole, I could feel mounds of goopy, slime-covered hair. I pulled out clumps and clumps of these hairballs, a strange mixture of my fifteen-year-old daughter’s ebony hair intertwined with my own blonde tresses.

But for all my pulling (and gagging), the hair went much deeper than I could scoop out.

And at that moment, I saw myself in that drain.

I saw how much-clogged waste I’d stuffed down deep inside of me through the years. And I knew the truth was that unless I worked on cleaning out my emotional sewer, I’d never be truly free.

For example, I knew I had to make peace with my father’s cancer. I knew I had to come to terms with my age and the changes it’s causing in my life and appearance. I knew I had to overcome the inescapable need for validation that has driven most of my life. I knew I had to release myself from old dreams of what might have been, nagging regrets about what no longer is, and lingering fears of what may be in the future.

And maybe you’re like me.

Maybe you’re so filled with unaired secrets, unresolved pains, and endless worries that you can’t breathe.

Unfortunately, unless you decide to help yourself, nothing’s ever going to change.

So how do you begin to clean out your internal closet?

I’ve done some cleaning, and here’s what I’ve learned. And if you need to do some housekeeping as well, perhaps you’ll want to keep reading.

Talk to someone.

I’m an introvert, and I tend to keep my issues to myself. I tell myself my problems are unfixable, so I try to ignore the pain I feel when my thoughts drift towards those dark places.

And talking about these places is not something I usually do, perhaps because it feels like verbalizing the pain only worsens it.

But the fact is nothing could be farther from the truth.

Speaking your pain or anxiety is one of the best ways to purge the gunk from your system.

I know you don’t want to. I know it’s scary.

But go to someone you trust, talk through your issues, and you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel once you vomit up some of that poison circulating inside you.

Let me give you an example.

Yesterday, two days before Christmas, I woke up with “it.” You know that moment when your “drain” is so clogged you feel it in your throat the minute your eyes open?

I wanted to stay in bed and close myself off from the world, but it was Christmas Eve, and as a mother of two, some things simply had to be done.

One of those things was picking up some last-minute gifts I’d had shipped to my mom’s house. I called her and told her I’d be driving over, but before I ended the conversation with her, I asked her if I could wrap the presents there.

In truth, I had a secret agenda.

It was time.

I could no longer hold the hurt in place.

I needed to talk. I had to talk. Because unless I did, I couldn’t conjure up the joy I needed to make my children’s Christmas special. More importantly, I couldn’t make the most of what might be my father’s last Christmas.

And so I spoke my pain to her, tears rolling onto the wrapping paper as I let it all go.

She loved me, and she listened. And the suffering lessened.

It didn’t completely go away, but the storm subsided.

The point is you have to let someone in, and if you can’t talk with someone you know and love, speak to a therapist.

As the poet Rumi says:

“The cure for pain is the pain.”

So travel through your hurt, not around it. Voice it to a kind ear who’s supportive and nonjudgmental.

Let go of the past.

To free yourself from the guilt, anger, pain, and worry that overwhelm you, you must first realize these things all come from the same place — the past.

For example, the worry you feel about the future is rooted in some previous wound or failure. The guilt or self-loathing you feel stems from some past occurrence where you damaged yourself or others. The anger you feel originates from a painful moment where someone or something crushed your self-esteem or destroyed your trust.

And you have to let these things go.

So I want you to remember three things:

• The past is not the future.
• You don’t have to make the same mistakes again you did before.
• The people you meet now are not the people who hurt you then.

Embrace these statements. Say them aloud if you need, or write them down to look at them when you experience some of the negative emotions I’ve discussed before.

Because if you start to hold onto these truths, you empower yourself to change your life in amazing ways.

However, be aware these statements are only starting points. You need to do more than think about them. You need to do something that affirms them.

For example, if you want to lose weight, find real love, or achieve more peace and happiness in your life, take one step forward while keeping these mantras in mind. Then take another.

Be gentle with yourself.

Friedrich Nietzsche said:

“When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.”

This truth is why you need to practice self-care and compassion. Because all these fabulous changes you want to happen in your life won’t occur if you’re not giving your body and spirit what they’re begging for.

So be sure and do the following:

• Get the rest you need.
• Forgive yourself when you make mistakes because you will make them. And when you do, start over, moving forward and forgiving yourself as many times as you need to. The important thing is to continue to make progress.
• Drink water. (This is my new goal. Research has proven time and again that water not only improves your physical health and aids weight loss, but studies have also shown it aids mental health. For example, Healthline cites that being hydrated lowers depression and anxiety, relieves stress, and enhances tranquility. In addition, a study in Psychology Today reports water also helps improve your decision-making. So if the simple act of drinking more of this liquid will have all these effects, I’m on it — like now.)
• Pamper yourself. If you love baths, take long, hot ones. If nature revives you, spend more time in it. If you need some time away, grab your favorite book, head to the library or your local coffee shop, and hang out until you feel more centered.

The bottom line:

Motivational Speaker Robert H. Schuller says:

“Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.”

Understand that positive change begins and ends with believing.

So believe this time can be different. Believe that you have the power to change. But, most importantly, believe there is something extraordinary waiting for you at the end of the misery if only you’ll walk through some scary waters to get to it.

Now gather up your courage and put on your bathing suit. Your new world is waiting.

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