4 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People May Interpret Stress

Reframe your approach to stress to minimise the impact is has on you.

Whether we acknowledge it or not, stress has both positive and negative impacts. However, we have unfortunately associated stress with negativity. The emotionally intelligent people will tell us that this is false and that we can actually be flexible in our approach to stress to utilise it in positive ways.

Psychologist Dr Daniel Goleman says that two key components of emotional intelligence are self-awareness and self-regulation. Self-awareness is the ability to understand and recognise your emotions, whereas self-regulation involves being flexible and expressing the appropriate emotion.

This tells us that the emotionally intelligent are able to recognise when they are stressed, figure out why and then adapt their emotion to the situation to help them progress. Studies have shown that high emotional intelligence is associated with less job stress, predicts happiness and is central to being resilient.

When you think about the huge entrepreneurs — Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos or Warren Buffet — their emotional intelligence needs to be high to be able to tolerate the stress they come under. If they aren’t able to interpret and deal with stress appropriately, would they have been able to succeed?

Emotional intelligence can be taught and applied. As psychologist Delphine Nelis found, training individuals in emotional intelligence resulted in a “significant increase in emotion identification and emotion management abilities.”

A good way to do this is to examine how emotionally intelligent people interpret stress and apply this to our own lives to reduce distress, increase happiness and keep fighting in the face of adversities.

“IQ and technical skills are important, but Emotional Intelligence is the Sine Qua Non of Leadership.”— Daniel Goleman

They Don’t ‘Catastrophise’ Situations

Something that we have all experienced at some point, is thinking the absolute worst when something bad happens. We feel a little bit of stress and start to catastrophise. Psychologist Albert Ellis coined this term and described it as “an irrationally negative forecast of future events.”

Research published in Child Psychiatry and Human Development found that not only did catastrophising predict anxiety, but it also mediated the relationship between daily struggles and anxiety. Essentially, if people encounter daily struggles, higher anxiety can occur if we catastrophise.

I used to do this a lot. I remember failing my maths test when I was 14 years old and immediately I thought I was no good at math, I’d never pass my maths exams and just felt horrible. Unfortunately, it can happen with anything. It could be as simple as getting a spot on your face then thinking everyone is staring at you for having the spot or thinking that people see you as hideous.

Instead of jumping to extreme conclusions, the emotionally intelligent have a unique way of experiencing the stress from a negative experience but remain calm and as studies have shown they don’t develop unrealistic and irrational thoughts when stressed.

And, as the research suggests, being emotionally intelligent when we experience stress and not jumping to irrational conclusions is a recipe for happiness.

How to implement:

1. Label your catastrophic thoughts — identify them when they occur. Make a note and get it out of your mind. The first step is always identifying when you engage in catastrophic thinking.
2. Identify your emotions — cognitive behavioural therapist and counsellor Sheri Jacobson says, “Catastrophising can be the mind’s way of hiding from painful emotions. Ask yourself, what is the feeling behind this thought I am having?” Bring these emotions out to be more aware of them.
3. Replace the thoughts with more realistic ones — psychology professor Dr Ryan Martin mentions, “Come up with an alternative that might better reflect what is really going on.” So, instead of saying, “My low maths grade means I’m a failure,” try, “I’m disappointed with the result but I can revise more effectively or seek help to improve next time.”

They Know They Have Good Coping Mechanisms

When we deal with stress, it’s a lot easier to tell ourselves that we can’t cope rather than tackle our stress head-on. The problem is that the stress we experience can push us down and we think that we don’t have the resources within or around us to deal with it.

Studies have shown that as stress levels increase, coping strategies decrease. It’s common for people to see themselves as not having the ability to cope with the stress they’re experiencing.

In comparison, being able to recognise your own emotions and adapt to the situation is commonly associated with better coping styles. Evidence has shown that emotional intelligence has a positive relationship with coping styles for stress. The higher the emotional intelligence, the more likely it is they will have the coping mechanisms in place to tolerate stress.

Specifically, other research shows that emotional intelligence can predict coping mechanisms such as problem-solving, social support seeking and cognitive evaluation. Emotionally intelligent people know this. They know that if stress occurs, they have the mechanisms in place to face it.

How to implement:

1. Identify your strong qualities — We all have strengths within us, we just need to find them. Think about times you’ve dealt with stressors and ask yourself, “What strengths did I show here?” Were you able to problem-solve? Or, did you seek help from someone? If you’re really struggling, ask a family member or friend to help. We seem to be able to identify strengths in others so quickly so ask them for help! By identifying your strong qualities, you’ll know that you can cope with stress faced.
2. Try some positive self-talk — when you encounter a stressful situation, tell yourself you have the ability to cope with it. “The messages you send yourself can either help you succeed, or they can hold you back and keep you paralyzed in fear,” says Dr Magdalena Battles, a Doctor in Clinical Psychology. Send messages to yourself that make you believe you can cope with the stressors in front of you.

They Accept and Welcome Stress

There are hundreds of studies out there suggesting that stress is bad for you and it has damaging effects on your body and mental health. And, as mentioned before, we have now assumed that stress is negative.

However, a brilliant research study published in the Journal of Health Psychology highlighted that the perception of stress plays a massive role in whether stress affects us. The researchers found that individuals who reported a lot of stress AND perceived stress as being harmful to their health were more likely to report poor health and had a 43% increased risk of premature death. Whereas, those who didn't perceive stress as being harmful did not have an increased risk of poor health and premature death.

How we perceive stress has an instrumental influence on our ability to cope with it.

According to Stanford psychologist, Dr Kelly McGonigal, “When you change your mind about stress, you can change your body’s response to stress.” Essentially, we can interpret stress differently by accepting and embracing it rather than viewing it as something that is so negative for us. “Once you appreciate that going through stress makes you better at it, it can be easier to face each new challenge,” says Dr McGonigal.

This is what the emotionally intelligent are brilliant at. They can accept and embrace the stress they face. They perceive stress as having less of a negative impact. Research on students found that higher emotional intelligence was related to lower perceived stress. They are aware that it can be an adaptive response that can lead to brilliant ideas or outcomes.

How to implement:

1. Know that stress can be good for you — surround yourself with the idea that the stress you face can be adaptive. Look at the research or even think about times in your life when you’ve felt stressed but there’s been a good outcome. For example, I know I get stressed when I deliver a presentation but I’ve always received great feedback from my presentations.
2. Consciously explore more empowering beliefs — “if you currently have the belief that stress means ‘I’m failing’ you might try shifting that to ‘I care’,” says Dr McGonigal. This helps you create a more positive experience of stress, which can help you accept it. I view stress as my body’s way of becoming excited and ready for what I’m facing. I need that stress to push myself.

They Always See The Positive Side

Seeing the negative side of things is often a defensive mechanism that we use to not get our hopes up or to not expect a good outcome because if the outcome is not as good as we thought, it can hurt us a lot. If you expect a story you write to get amazing outcomes and then that doesn't happen, it can be depleting.

I used to do this all the time with my school exams. I would always say, “I think I did bad. I’m not getting a good grade.” That way, if I did get a bad grade I expected it, but if I got an A, I’d be thrilled!

When stress hits us, it’s so easy to become pessimistic. However, if we are able to understand our emotions, we’ll be able to develop effective ways to deal with them. The emotionally intelligent are able to do this. They are able to see they’re stressed but then they can adjust their emotions to help cope which helps them see the positive side of things and be optimistic.

Research published in Procedia Social and Behavioural Sciences Journal found that higher emotional intelligence was related to greater levels of optimism. Emotional intelligence is associated with seeing the positives and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, even when stressed.

“See the positive side, the potential, and make an effort.” — Dalai Lama

How to implement:

1. Recognise your pessimism — when you’re stressed, take notice of your pessimistic thoughts. Your thoughts have a great impact on your emotions and you will always have negative thoughts, but ignoring them is the problem. If you notice them, you can take action.
2. Practice gratitude — being thankful and appreciating what we have is a fantastic way to see the positive side. Studies have shown that gratitude is related to optimism and predicts greater psychological well-being. A good technique is to write down three things you are grateful for every morning when you wake up. Alternatively, write down three things you are grateful for immediately after you notice yourself being pessimistic.

Every single action point involves raising awareness and identifying your emotions and qualities. As Dr Goleman says, the emotionally intelligent are aware of their emotions and are then able to regulate them too. Each point encourages you to become more aware of your emotions to limit the impact that stress has on you, just like the emotionally intelligent are able to do.

Final Thoughts

We all know the damaging impact that stress can have on us. But, some individuals are able to interpret stress differently to reduce the impact it has on them and use it to their advantage.

The emotionally intelligent have a brilliant way of altering their view of stress.

Being aware of these four techniques of people with high emotional intelligence and implementing them can help you minimise the negative influence of stress:

1. Don’t catastrophise situations: Instead of jumping to irrational conclusions, identify them and create more realistic ones.
2. Know that you have the coping mechanisms to tackle stress: Identify the qualities within yourself that will help you manage any stress faced.
3. Accept and welcome stress: Know that stress has positive effects too.
4. Always look for the positive side: Be grateful for the things you have. When stress hits, you won’t panic as much because you have things to appreciate.

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