FOLLOW THESE TIPS AT YOUR OWN PERIL
4 Surefire Ways to Take Your Relationship to the Next Level
According to experts… er…Hollywood scriptwriters
It’s getting close to the most controversial day of the year — the Day of Love.
Statistics* show that Valentine’s Day is the holiday most people love to hate. If you’re single it’s understandable — sure you can buy your own chocolates… but chocolates taste way better when someone else buys them for you.
If you’re a guy, this day may stick you in a conundrum: Does she want the giant pink teddy bear or the diamond ring? (PSSt… she never wants the bear. …unless it’s for your daughter and she’s five.)
If you are in a dead-end relationship, Valentine’s Day can be just one more depressing reminder that everyone on Facebook is a better show-off than you.
And, if you are in a happy healthy relationship, on this particular day, no one wants to hear about it.
Historically, St. Valentine and Cupid are held responsible for this holiday. But no one reads history anymore so no one knows why they started it.
Then, why do we keep celebrating the most controversial day of the year even if approximately 96% of the world’s population is against it and Mr. Valentine himself has been dead for hundreds (or possibly thousands?) of years?
Capitalism.
Someone has to clean out all the chocolate once in a while so the chocolate people can make more chocolate for us to eat.
So, since we can’t just delete this day out of February (because February 29th usually gets that privilege), we (I) have put together four surefire tips to make the Day of Giant Pink Bears more bearable.
For each point, I have added an example from real-life movie scripts.
It is possible that some of these surefire tips may sure backfire — or possibly even land you in jail. So, follow your heart**! And do that at your own peril.
1. Get caught in the rain
Everyone has watched The Notebook at least once by choice or by force. So, you know how important it can be to get wet with the one you love. It can take your relationship from 0 to 60 in minutes!
For this trick, try going out for a walk in the park on days when the weather forecast has a 90 % chance of rain. Leave your umbrella at home. If your partner brings umbrellas — break them or throw them off the nearest cliff!
Then wait and see what happens.
2. Get undressed in front of your crush — accidentally
The first trick — getting caught in the rain — is a perfect way to lead into this second trick. It’s especially romantic if you can get rained on near a barn or a one-room broken-down shack.
If some dry clothes are waiting in your respective sizes it’s even more perfect — almost too perfect — and is sure to launch your relationship to the next level.
Dear John is a great example of this trick. Well, not great — she still has an ancient husband dying slowly somewhere while she’s trying to get undressed with her crush. So inconvenient!
But her crush is Tatum Channing. And he’s hot. So…
3. Talk trash
Talking trash to your partner is another surefire way to prove the intensity of your love. Don’t get mushy this Valentine’s, get brutally honest! They’ll appreciate you keeping it real by cursing at them and telling them how generally horrible they are.
Also, this trait will set you apart from the others and show your love interest that you must be “the one.”
Talking trash is the key ingredient in several main character romances like The Notebook, What Happens in Vegas, Sweet Home Alabama, and even Pride and Prejudice—so it has to work! (Telling your truth in an English accent will always get you extra points!)
Some might call this trick “toxic,” but then one person’s trash is also called another man’s treasure…
4. Punch someone in the face
Punching someone in the face is a strong way to show emotion and prove the sincerity (and strength) of your love. And not just amongst five-year-olds!
Allie uses this powerful trick in The Notebook, John swings a few right hooks in Dear John, and Harrison Ford throws hands in Sabrina (not the teenage witch).
But it’s all for love! …And all’s well that ends well, right?
This trick is still a strong way to show emotion about someone you love. However, it is not as trendy in recent years, which is why it gets our fourth and last ranking.
You could get the girl (or guy!), go to jail, or get banned from the Oscars for ten years. You just never know. So, use it sparingly***.
In conclusion
Whether you are looking to get out of the friend zone, get married, or rekindle an old romance, these are the top four ways I found (with the help of movies I watched some 20-odd years ago) to boost your relationship this Valentine’s.
(Unrelated, I’d also love to get boosted for sharing these unique ideas on Medium.)
Please share your favorite romance movie relationship advice in the comments so we can learn together!
*You’ll have to look up those statistics on your own.
**Not these tips.
***(I don’t have bail money.)