4 Reasons I Have an Unusual Haircut

#2 — I want you to know I quit the rat race

When I was living in India several years back, a friend and I decided to do something wild in honor of the new year: we wanted to shave our heads.

I would do half the scalp. He would do the full head of hair.

I had no idea if I’d like it or not. And I knew that I would not be able to simply undo my choice.

Nevertheless, before I knew it, I was sitting on a chair on the porch of my friend’s little house in Goa a mile from the beach. As I felt the warm sticky wind on my cheeks, he asked me one last time:

“Are you sure?”

No, I wasn’t sure. But still I said: “Let’s do i — ” The buzz of the clippers drowned out the last word. I closed my eyes and listened to my old self fall away.

It‘s a reminder to not take unimportant things too seriously

I could have easily kept my hair as it was. In fact at the point when I made the decision to cut it, I’d finally grown comfortable wearing it naturally, after years of straightening it all the time (see image below).

For the first time in my life, I thought it looked great curly.

But I wanted to let go of that need for it to look good at all. Because in the end, it’s not that important. Being “pretty” is not what makes a person happy.

By shaving my head I was saying: My hair doesn’t matter. It’s just hair, an inconsequential thing. And it doesn’t define me.

Even if it looks bad, I am strong and I will persevere.

It was less of a why? And more of a why not? This life is short. You only have a finite amount of time to try new things.

I didn’t have a good reason to shave my head. But I also didn’t have a good reason to keep my hair.

Long hair. Short hair. Kinky, straight, dread-locked, pink hair. Why not try them all if you’re curious?

I want you to know I quit the rat race

Ok, ok, I know what you’re all thinking. Why not pink hair? Well duh. Because how are people going to take you seriously when your hair makes them crave cotton candy?

Well, I thought of this too. I thought of this a lot. At the time my friend cut my hair, I was working remotely as a programmer for a startup based in New York City. A startup filled with fairly conservative people. Our CEO was a 60-year-old Harvard Law alumnus if that gives you an idea.

All of their haircuts were as you’d expect them to be.

So I did worry about what my colleagues (future and present) might say or think about me. I worried it might affect my chances at being hired if I were to need to look for a new job.

But then I also realized, I don’t want to make decisions based on the fear of judgement from colleagues, friends, family, anyone really.

I don’t want to wear my hair a certain way because that’s simply the way that politicians and CEOs of investment banks wear their hair.

In fact, doing the opposite of that appeals to me much more.

By wearing my hair short, curly, and shaved only in certain places, I’m saying, I don’t need to conform. I don’t need to live my life based on your potential judgment.

Because in the end, there is no good reason why a politician or CEO should not have blue hair. Why does everyone insist on looking the same?

The world would be a better place if people could express themselves creatively as they pleased. It would encourage creativity in general, which is what the world needs in order to solve the problems of today.

By wearing my hair as I do, I’m saying that I’m a free thinker.

I’m my own person and I don’t care about being in your club. I’m not going to enter into the pointless rat race, trying to impress people and “fit in” until I die. There are more important issues at hand.

I want to de-emphasize my gender

Throughout high school and the majority of my 20s I wore my hair long and straight. I tried to emulate the “ideal” women I saw on the covers of Cosmopolitan and Vogue. Feminine in every way.

And let me make it clear: there is nothing wrong with looking feminine. Women do it. Drag queens do it. Some gay men do it.

I like looking female.

But sometimes I don’t want that to be the first thing someone sees when they look at me. In most situations, I don’t want my gender to matter.

Whether you’re reading my blog or getting to know me for the first time as a colleague, I want us to connect first as humans above all else. Having short hair makes me feel more like a person and less like a woman.

It feels more like who I am. Because I have “masculine” traits too. For example, I can be aggressive or….good at math.

In the end, it just looks cool

Shaving my head for the first time was a risk.

But in the end, it looked awesome. It took a while to get used to. I was no longer as “cute” as I had been with my full head of curly hair. When I first looked in the mirror, I thought, Where did that girl go?

I looked a little more aggressive. A little rough around the edges. Like maybe the police would be more likely to pull me over.

I now looked like a rebel. But actually, that reflected who I was more than the way I looked before. As someone who quit her job to travel the world on her own. As the woman who asked for the title of co-founder at her last company. As the woman who blogs about non-monogamy and sex openly.

I am a rebel. Now I look in the mirror and I say, “Hell yeah, that’s me.”

My hair is bold, proud, and unafraid. Just like I am.

If you liked this, read more from me about non-conforming: