4 of The Most Effective Ways to Conquer Negative Thoughts
No, not the cliche meditation, walking, or listening to music
Evolution wired our brains with an affinity towards negativity — negative thoughts depress us much more than the positive ones elevate us.
To make things worse, society’s done a terrible job at equipping us to deal with negativity.
We clink beer jugs after a pay raise, throw a party after an achievement, and scream to the world through a slew of social media posts.
But negativity?
Lock yourself up in a closet and “will” it away. It’s the classic, “Ignore the problem and maybe it’ll go away”.
But this will only make things worse — lingering negative thoughts breed poor actions and insidious thought patterns. The result? A dissatisfied life.
“A particular train of thought persisted in, be it good or bad, cannot fail to produce its results on the character and circumstances. A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances.”
I want to share 4 of the best ways I’ve found to not just deal with but vanquish negative thoughts.
Don’t Surrender, Wrestle with Them
Our childhoods define some of our strongest thinking patterns — while the positive ones serve you, the negative ones wreck your adult life.
Thanks to a mocktail of bullying, physical abuse, and parental abandonment, my self-esteem has deep scars.
One flaky date or embarrassing experience and a torrent of negative thoughts flood my brain.
Most of us let them “pass” or cope with distractions. But that solves nothing — it, in fact, strengthens the root negative pattern.
Instead, grab them by the collar and question them.
- Why do I feel this way? What incident triggered this?
- What’s the root of this thought pattern? Is it relevant anymore?
- Was it ever relevant to begin with? Could one or more strong negative incidents have birthed this?
It’s wrigglingly uncomfortable, but once you crack the puzzle, you’ll be able to discard the pattern and develop a new positive one.
Every negative or limiting belief you shatter with this exercise is an investment into the bank of your life.
Every leak tightened will dry up your tap of negativity — then the river of positivity will flow undeterred.
Summon Up Positive Memories (And Evidence)
Our brains are evidence-weighing machines — the heavier side is taken to be the truth. But thanks to the negativity bias, they favor the negative side.
To combat this, deliberately summon up positive memories. Try to recall the tiniest of positive details and flood them with as vividness as possible.
The deeper you do this, the more you load the positive side of the scale.
Did you relapse after a long streak? Get rejected by a girl? Didn’t make it through a coding interview?
That relapse or rejection is only a single insignificant statistic.
Look at the total distribution — be it the smooth approaches that got the girls blushing, your programming skills that amazed your dorm-mates, or the sheer number of effortless streaks you pulled.
If you don’t have relevant positive memories to draw from, look ahead. Life is a game of numbers — what if you didn’t get the job, girl, or streak?
You can always try again — billion more women and million more jobs out there.
With every new second, life gives you a clean slate. A chance to try again. A chance to start over.
A chance to 180-degree your life in any and every aspect.
Immerse Yourself “In the Zone”
When you’re so “in the zone” that time loses its meaning, you’re in a flow state.
In our instant-gratification world of 9-second attention spans, this is a rarity.
Flow-states will change your life — you’re 100% present, your mind’s stretched to its limits, and your heart is welling with happiness
“One of the most frequently mentioned dimensions of the flow experience is that, while it lasts, one is able to forget all the unpleasant aspects of life.”
— Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi
When brilliant artists say they were just the messengers to reveal the masterpieces that sprung from God, they’re referring to flow.
When you immerse yourself in flow, flow immerses you.
- Pick the activity that yields you the most joy — writing, painting, working out, playing music, meditation, talking to a camera, etc. Consumption activities like listening to music or watching Netflix don't count.
- Play a single song on repeat. Look no further than Eric Prydz’s Opus or DeadMau5’s Strobe. Looping them puts you in a trance-like state.
- Murder all distractions. Disable notifications. Put your phone on silent. Find yourself a calm, isolated place. Tell others you don’t want to be disturbed.
- Commit to at least 30 minutes. It’s neither short enough to dissuade flow nor long enough to invoke tedium. Then bomb-dive into the activity.
If you tap into flow, the 30 minutes will fly before you even realize it. My longest flow-writing session lasted 3 hours.
By the end, it had blasted every single piece of negativity into oblivion.
Leverage Your Inner Circle
We’ve never been more connected, yet disconnected at the same time.
Lost in the pursuit of impressing someone on the other side of the globe, we’ve forgotten about the ones that share the same ceiling.
Most of the people we call “friends” are only mere acquaintances. Romantic partners nothing but ephemeral sexual transactions. Family? An afterthought.
Don’t let the hyper-connected insidiousness of the modern world blind you to the goldmine of deep relationships.
Do you have someone you can have a ton of sober fun with, without touching your phones?
Spill all your beans and speak your mind without the slightest hesitation?
Say and do the stupidest sh*t with zero self-consciousness? Even better, enjoy it?
Trust almost as much as you trust yourself?
If you nodded yes even once, you already have an inner circle — cherish and leverage them.
Being a lone wolf that suffers in silence sounds fancy — but in reality, the lone wolf doesn’t survive long.
The pack does.
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