33 Life Lessons That Brought Me Growth In 33 Years
Birthday reflections on love and life to share with the world
When I was 17-years-old my brother committed suicide.
At 29 I had a tumor that needed to be surgically removed. I was also pregnant at the time.
As I take the time to reflect on my birthday, there has been a lot of living and lessons learned in 33 years. And still, so much more to do…
1. For every bad thing that happens to us, good will come too.
Think about the worst event that has ever happened to you. Now imagine if that never occurred. There are many paths our life can take. How different does your life look if your worst moment never happened?
My brother committed suicide in February 2005. Before his passing, I had planned to go away to college. While I stood at a crossroad contemplating my future and going away for school, I couldn’t help but think about my parents. How empty the house would be for them. Watching their only surviving child leave for school in six months did not sit well in my heart or soul. I could not leave them. I chose to stay home and attend the local community college.
Loss is the hardest part of our existence, but you have to find the good in life through the tragedies. If you look at our time here on earth, you’ll see the events that happen in our life all have a connection. My first day on campus was the day I met my husband. I knew he was the “one.” Had I opted to go away for school I would have not met him. All the blessings I’ve had along the way, especially our daughter, may not have happened.
2. Every life is touched by tragedy.
We all have a story. Don’t assume a person has had an easy life. Don’t assume your story is worse than theirs. Even though it may seem like someone’s life is easy that does not mean everything goes their way. We are all on equal ground. Tragedy does not discriminate.
3. Make time for those who are important to you.
We are in a society that is geared to be connected. Whether it is with a cellphone, text, social media, or email, there is always a way for someone to get a hold of us. It’s pretty surprising how quickly life will pass you by if you spend the majority of it looking at a screen. Take steps to take the time to “shut down.” Start with an hour a day, work to an evening, or take a whole day. I guarantee you that you will feel recharged. You’ll even have some good old fashioned memories to share as well.
4. The love of your parents is unconditional.
“We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.” — Henry Ward Beecher
You never realize the physical, mental and financial sacrifices our parents make until we walk that path ourselves. They are there for every step in our life story. I did not realize that until I became a parent myself. The love and bond I have with my child go deeper than I could ever explain. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. For those who do not have an active parent in their life, look to a parental figure that you’re close to. It’s also an opportunity to recognize the traits you’ll want to embody when you become a parent.
5. Take your health seriously.
Take a serious look at where your health is at. It doesn’t have to be about losing those pesky pounds that won’t go away. Take steps like making sure you’re getting enough fluids, have at least one healthy meal a day, or creating a regular workout regime. When I have a balanced diet and regular workout routine, I have mental sharpness and energy.
6. Use the fear from your first brush with mortality as a motivator.
When I felt a lump beneath my left ear, I was beyond scared. It’s not until you get that first brush with your mortality that you realize your time here is limited. It could be over at any moment. That will wake you up from your lack of productivity slumber. That fear is the realization that you need to stop putting off what you want out of life. You have so much to do. The time is now!
7. Smile, every chance you get.
Since my tumor was sitting on the facial nerve in my left parotid gland. There was a chance of permanent facial paralysis. Meaning there was a chance I would never be able to smile or close my eye again. I had an amazing surgeon who removed the tumor and maintained my facial nerves. I did have temporary paralysis due to the nerves being stretched.
A smile is a welcoming symbol. The left side of my face was paralyzed for four months. You never realize the gift of a smile until the ability is taken from you.
I gained my smile back by Thanksgiving and my eye function at Christmas. I’ll never feel self-conscious about my smile for a photograph ever again!
8. Give.
One of the greatest moments of enlightenment for me was that I realized you don’t have to have money to be charitable. We are rich with our thought, time, and sentiment. Sometimes people need a little extra support when they are going through a rough time.
9. Don’t be afraid of becoming a parent. It’s the greatest work you’ll ever do.
It feels like we’re all on a clock. We think that we need to have everything figured out before we settle down and have kids. We’re worried that they’ll tie us down and we won’t be able to do anything and our accomplishments will be limited. Wrong!
Since becoming a parent my inspiration and perspective have widened. I have never felt more inspired than I do now. I see the importance of our society and humanity. I want to be the change the world needs because of my daughter. I want to raise a great human being.
10. Don’t have a “plan” when it comes to starting a family.
Back to that life on a clock thing. I had a plan. Get married. Have a kid by 28, the next by 30 and the last by 34.
I really wanted three kids. It was a rude awakening when I realized getting pregnant is not easy! The hardest part is seeing everyone start having families while you wait for your chance. You have such joy for others, but it also brings you heartache. When we were giving up hope I found out I was pregnant. It was one of the greatest days of my life.
11. The things you say you’ll never do as a parent, you will do.
I think back to my life before having a child. I had so many ideas of what my parental style would be. And of course, I had very strict ideas of what I would and would not do. Life happens and we do what we can to survive and stay sane in parenting. It’s important to not beat yourself up. Being a parent is one of the hardest, humbling and most rewarding experiences.
12. Continue dating your significant other.
As time goes on we are not the same people we were when we met and fell in love with our significant others. Throughout life, we will grow apart and grow together again. It is important to remember no matter how much time passes you need to continue to make each other a priority.
13. It’s OK if you don’t have it all figured out.
You’ll never have it all figured out and that is OK! As each year passes you gain a piece of confidence and understanding of yourself. Your place in the world will unfold with time because wisdom comes with age.
14. Take a break.
Everyone needs a break, and it’s OK to admit that. If you’re burned out, you will be no good to an organization you work at or the people you care about. Sometimes we don’t always have the privilege of time, but there are ways to recharge and reset.
15. Travel.
There’s something special about traveling and learning about history and culture. It allows for growth, development, and enlightenment.
16. If you’re not happy with your job, then leave.
If you don’t like the environment you’re working in, change it. Of course, there are responsibilities in life that may make it difficult to quit a job. Here’s the beautiful thing though, every minute you spend where you’re at is an experience you’re gaining. Use that. Move on.
17. Network and collaborate.
We live in a world where we can connect with anyone. All it takes is a push of a button to follow or message someone. Reach out. Talk about common interests. There are always opportunities to collaborate. It’s a great chance to learn and grow.
18. Have a side hustle.
Whatever you’re good at. Whatever you’re passionate about, consider that for your side hustle. This is your opportunity to make your mark in the world and a chance for you to have some creative and professional freedom. Before you know it your side hustle could become your full-time gig.
19. Be flexible.
Your way may not always be the right way. It’s important to hear other people out. You can always meet somewhere in the middle.
20. Yet, speak up.
If there is something you’re passionate about or you feel compelled to express then it’s important to speak up. Always be respectful while communicating your views.
“The most powerful way people give up power is by thinking they don’t have any.” — Alice Walker
21. Be slow to anger.
We need to learn to master our emotions. Because you’re guaranteed to hurt someone when you’re speaking out of anger. Try to identify your triggers or step away from the situation until you calm down. While people will forgive, they won’t forget. By re-framing your thinking you can save a lot of regret with words that are said in the heat of the moment.
22. Build your brand.
Building your brand is important. I know it’s something I need to work harder at.
“Personal branding is about managing your name — even if you don’t own a business — in a world of misinformation, disinformation, and semi-permanent Google records.” — Tim Ferriss
23. Be good to those who are good to you.
We are often hardest on those who are closest to us. Why? Because we have a comfort level with them where we can let our guard down. Love makes us feel safe, but that doesn’t mean we should be hurtful to those we care for because we are comfortable.
24. Binge-watch a good show or movie.
Sometimes you need to be a couch potato. That’s OK! You need to unwind. You need to let your brain shut off. Be mindless. Rest and recharge!
25. Treat yourself.
You work hard. You take care of those around you so take care of yourself! Buy yourself something nice. Go get a spa treatment, buy a meal or a new piece of equipment.
“When you treat yourself right, you run better and more efficiently. Which means you don’t have to go 100 miles an hour to get everything done.” — Ann Curry
26. There are no failures.
We often associate fear with failure. We’re afraid something won’t work out. It takes courage to learn from a mistake. These are opportunities to learn and grow. There is great bravery when going into uncharted waters. Failure can give way to an adventure where your next success is right around the corner.
27. Be there for someone.
“I don’t like to give up on people when they need someone not to give up on them.” — Carrol Bryant
Be the type of person that walks in when others walk out. It may be a long road, but it’s worth it in the end. Be the person that you’d want to be there for you.
28. Get out of your comfort zone.
“If you are deliberately trying to create a future that feels safe, you will willfully ignore the future that is likely.” Seth Godin
Imagine missing out on something big and amazing because you wanted to play it safe. There is some truth to the phrase, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” You can’t continue to grow if you are staying in the same lane.
29. Stay true to yourself.
There will come a time where you may be asked or feel pressured to do something that may not sit well with you. Never waiver because you feel obligated. Trust your instincts with a situation.
30. Always be loyal.
“Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles.” — Confucius
Relationships are important. Trust and loyalty go hand-in-hand. If you don’t have one then you don’t have the other. Be the type of person that someone can count on. They might be there for you when you need it.
31. Continue educating yourself.
Whatever you are passionate about, seek out a way to learn more. Whether it’s enrolling in a certification program or getting a degree, education is something that can never be taken away from you.
32. Have a second birthday.
Pick a date of significance to you. A day where you changed. It could be a happy day, a sad or tragic day. My second birthday is on August 31. That was my surgery day for my parotidectomy. When I was being taken back to the operating room for surgery I thought about what I would be doing every August 31. I knew that this was a day that I wanted to be doing something significant. I see it as a thank you to my surgeon for the gift of tomorrow. It’s a way to honor my story and celebrate my life.
33. Remember, the best is yet to come.
“Incredible things can be done simply if we are committed to making them happen.” — Sadhguru
Aging is a privilege that’s granted to few. We’re always looking back instead of forward. We never realize the memories we’re making while we’re in the moment. We have a limited amount of time here. Commit to the present. Stop dwelling on what was and focus on what will be. Because the best is yet to come!