$30.00 in My First Month on Medium — Now to Avoid Self-Sabotage
I am sometimes my own worst enemy
The first of the month has come around once more, and, as usual, we’re seeing all the people talking about how much they made in March.
I told myself, “Hey, Self, you’re never going to do that, right?”
“Sure thing, Self,” I told myself. It feels too much like a brag, and I am not about that.
So why am I writing this today?
The amount of money isn’t amazing, though I will say, as a blind person living on $700 a month from disability payments, even a dollar can make a big difference in the quality of life my family experiences.
What I wanted to bring up with this is the subject of how prone I am to self-sabotage once I’ve caught even a whiff of success.
I don’t know why it happens. I’ll be riding high on the waves of something good happening. Maybe it’s a new friendship, or earning new forms of income. It could be as simple as figuring out a new way to paint.
Then the crushing defeatism starts to set in and I feel this incessant need to just walk away from it all because it’s stressing me out too much.
It’s happened before, too many times to count. It’s insidious.
Why does it happen? And does it happen to other people?
I have seen other people suffer from this same situation my whole life, so I can safely assume I’m really not alone with it. Maybe the circumstances aren’t the same, but the energy is.
The overarching theme of those who seem to suffer with this condition is those raised up in need are the most at risk.
It’s as if those who grew up in environments unexposed to success, or in a constant state of not having their basic necessities filled, are afraid of success.
We get a whiff of it and we’re out of the door because we can’t have that. Oh no. We need to keep reinforcing that desire for hardship.
I used to host talk radio and really enjoyed my time speaking about different subjects. Psychology and sociology were two of my favorite things to bring up.
I formulated an idea that we humans tend to get, to coin a phrase, addicted to emotions. Whether they are good or bad, positive or negative, we lean into the ones we are most familiar with.
Those emotional addictions keep putting us back into the same situations we know we should get out of. Like any addict, we recognize touching that needle is the worst thing we could do, but do it anyway.
I think self-sabotage relates to the same thinking.
I do have high hopes for myself for the future here on Medium and enjoyed my experiences here so far. I’ve had amazing interactions with not only readers who stop by, but other writers as well.
It’s been wonderful, and I don’t see signs of it stopping.
As long as I can keep from sabotaging my own hopes and dreams, I’ll be alright.
Do you suffer from self-sabotage at the first sign of success, too? What do you do to avoid it?
Thank you for embracing this moment of self-indulgence from me on the subject of Medium earnings. I hope you not only meet all of your own goals, but blast through them as well.
Want some more of my stories? Here you go!
About me:
I am an author with over a dozen books and dozens of short stories published. I have experience with both traditional and self-publishing and love to discuss the pros and cons of both.
Why do I write? Because I am blind and live on woefully low disability payments each month. The government graced me with trying to live on about $700 per month, and I decided to start publishing because I also like to be able to eat.
If you like my work and feel inclined to support it, please consider buying me a Ko-Fi.
Thank you from the depths of my soul for being here. Keep striving to “be the best you that you can be” at this moment.
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