3 Times You Should Totally Kick Up A Fuss

Complaining done right and for the right reasons is good for you in many ways.

“In short: Yes, it’s good to complain, yes, it’s bad to complain, and yes, there’s a right way to do it,” Dr. Robin Kowalski.

The prevalent positivity culture will no doubt, make this seem rather counterintuitive especially as complaining is usually seen as a negative trait that when engaged in too frequently, can have repercussions on mental and physical well-being.

To complain here is taken to mean you are simply giving expression to your frustrations, displeasure, or discomfort.

You should know that although complaining tends to get a bad rap, it isn’t necessarily always bad. This is especially when it is done with a specific goal in mind and in a way that is likely to achieve that goal. According to research, people who complain in order to achieve specific goals have usually been found to be way happier than those who are just bitching for the heck of it.

Experts categorize the behavior into 3 broad categories:

• Venting: here we freely express strong feelings about things we find unsatisfactory. Hopefully, you have someone there to listen and understand as you get things off your chest. When you vent to the right people it provides them the opportunity to give their insights or perspectives that may change the way we have been looking at things to that point. In any case, getting things off your chest in this manner can also provide a sense of relief that enables one to move on.
• Problem-solving: this is a strategic, focused, and solution-oriented form of complaining. Whenever we complain effectively this way and we see results, it can be a very empowering, positive experience that gives our self-esteem a boost.
• Ruminating: this involves an unfortunate, repetitive pattern of restating the same frustrations over and over, and it is the least productive of the three. Unlike when venting, the ruminators don’t get to experience that feeling of relief and move on because of the constant replay. Again, in contrast with problem-solving, there is no moving towards solutions.

“…people who complain in order to achieve some specific goal have usually been found to be way happier than those who are just bitching for the heck of it.”

The times when it’s good to complain

1. When you need to stand up for yourself. Generally when people do this have a good sense of their self-worth and the act of standing up for one’s self affirms that sense of worth. When you complain to this end, you will make people realize your worth as well, and it will give you confidence. However, to also be effective you need to be strategic in the way you complain.

• To be strategic your complaints should be directed at people in a position to bring about the desired change. It is also essential that you don’t forget to be civil and of course, appreciate their willingness to listen and any previous efforts

2. When you have a workable solution in mind. “Complaining is ideally, totally solution-focused,” says Tina Gilbertson, psychotherapist and author of ‘Constructive Wallowing’. When you have a workable solution, you then take a solution-oriented approach. This makes the complaining effective and we get to see results, strengthen relationships, and not to mention it will be an empowering positive experience.

• To be strategic your complaining should be aimed at workable solutions. And while you may have a valid grouse you always remember to remain calm, civil and of course, appreciate their willingness to listen and their previous efforts if any.

3. When you need to blow off steam. When done in moderation one of the benefits of complaining is that it’s a sure way to release stress in small doses. It’s no doubt, far less catastrophic to release the vents in moderation from time to time than to have all those pent-up feelings cause a major blowup down the road.

• This could be strategic too if you vent to the right people. For example your inner circle. Hopefully, it’s made up of people close to you whom you trust and are confident of their support and understanding. Their proximity to you and their intimate knowledge of you and your circumstances will ensure you useful, insightful feedback.

When it comes to complaining moderation is key to keeping it healthy. For instance, you have only so much time and energy in any 24-hour period so to use it to just repeatedly dwell on past hurts with no solution in mind seems futile. Such pointless grumbling is not only toxic to you but it is also toxic to the people around you.

To reap the benefit of our gripes, we also need to be strategic. This is the only way for it to be effective and productive in ways that can positively impact our mental and physical wellbeing.

To enjoy unlimited access to my stories and others consider signing up to join Medium using my referral link. It’s $5/month and you support me and all the other writers you read at no extra cost to you.