3 Things To Do If Your Manager Doesn’t Let You Speak Up
Imagine The Following:
Oliver works in a mid-sized Marketing Agency in London. He’s been with the company for three months and feels frustrated. His boss, Leo, isn’t the type that readily lets Oliver have the ‘floor’ when they’re in meetings.
Oliver has tried several times to add value in meetings, only to be pulled aside by Leo to remind him that it’s inappropriate protocol, especially when talking to external stakeholders or senior management.
Instead, Leo has specifically requested that the team let him know in advance if there’s something particular they’d like to talk about. Oliver has also noticed he’s now not invited to meetings where he has been instrumental in the project.
Oliver knows there’s so much he could offer, especially as he has a solid track record with one of the biggest agencies in town and has solid academic credentials. Initially, Oliver thought it was because he was new, but he’s now convinced that Leo deliberately curtailed his visibility with senior management and clients.
He gets on well with Leo on a 1–2–1 basis, but this is beginning to gnaw at him when he’s in meetings.
As a result, Oliver hasn’t been enthusiastic about the role recently or his long-term prospects with the company.
What Should Oliver Do?
Organisations where employees are allowed to speak up tend to innovate and thrive. The opposite is true for those who don’t.
Three Things Oliver Could Do:
There are three thing important things Oliver could do and they include:
- Arrange To Speak With Manager
- Build his tribe inside
- Don’t personalise
- Arrange To Speak With Manager
Arrange a private meeting with your boss to discuss your concerns. Use “I” statements to express your feelings rather than making accusatory “you” statements. For instance, “I feel sidelined when I’m not allowed to speak in meetings and receive last-minute tasks” is better than “You always give me tasks at the last minute.” Try to keep the emotions out of the conversation.
Otherwise, things could escalate out of control quickly.
Seek Clarification: If you receive vague or contradictory instructions, seek clarification. This can prevent potential issues down the line.
Document Everything: Keep a record of incidents or problematic behaviours. This can be useful for HR complaints or to keep track of patterns.
2. Build Your Tribe
Seek Support by building bridges with colleagues, mentors, or HR professionals if you feel the situation is becoming too difficult to manage independently. They may be able to provide you with valuable insights, advice, or Support to help you navigate the situation.
However, avoid gossiping about your boss to colleagues because you’re not helping the situation. Gossiping to others isn’t pleasant in any shape or form; plus, you might be adding ‘fuel to the fire’ instead of containing the smoke.
Instead, focus on your goals and objectives, and you’ll feel better. Plus, you might want to conserve your energy and engage in well-being practices as you deal with your challenges.
3. Don’t Personalise Anything
Don’t Personalise Anything. Be clear and assertive in communicating with a boss if you don’t like/a difficult colleague or boss. Avoid being aggressive or passive; use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs. Listen actively to their responses, and try to find a compromise or solution that works for both of you.
Be Professional. When dealing with a difficult colleague or boss, it is essential to remain professional and avoid getting defensive or emotional. Keep your tone respectful and focus on the facts of the situation rather than on personal opinions or feelings.
Avoid tot-for-tat because it will get you nowhere. Instead, it may exacerbate the situation. It might be challenging, but try and look at things from their perspective. What are their motivations and concerns? What are their communication styles and preferences?
Understanding their perspective allows you to tailor your approach and find common ground.
Parting comments
Dealing with a boss who curtails you from speaking up can feel like a constant battle, especially as the days start feeling cumbersome.
Remember, 99% of the time, it’s not about you; your boss may have their reasons, whether it’s insecurity or fear of losing their ‘zing’ in front of senior internal managers and clients.
If Oliver had spoken to his manager sooner, he would have been better positioned to focus on his next steps. Instead, what he did was dwell on it, and now he feels deflated at work.
Oliver could benefit from adopting a win/win mindset and focusing on where you could start to contribute differently. He could turn this around and become a ‘go-to’ person for internal and external contacts. How? By delivering exemplary results, building a support network and focusing on his professional development.
Oliver has been in the company for three months already, and if things carry on, it will show in his performance reviews. If things still don’t work out for Oliver? Then what? Get another job. Yes, you heard right, get another job. No one is forcing Oliver to stay and be unhappy.
N: B. Oliver and Leo are fictional characters.
Thank you for your attention.
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