3 Steps to Get Over Your Shame Around Money

The best place to begin is by redirecting your negative self-talk about money.

I grew up in an average home. My dad was an international businessman. His parents were poor and they didn’t have the opportunity to put my dad through college before they died. So my dad grew up an orphan.

He struggled through life, working different mini jobs in Africa from bricklaying to carpentry. Until he meet a rich man who took him in and trained him in the shoe-making business.

My dad got really good at his craft. People from outside Nigeria would come to buy his shoes. When his business expanded he moved into the importation business. He registered his company and legally imported shoe parts and accessories from Europe, Italy and Holland precisely.

However, my mum was a teacher, but we lived off my dad’s income. After school, she would join my dad at the office. Money wasn’t an issue for us. We were cared for but my dad was a strict disciplinarian. He had rules about money. You don’t dare spend money foolishly with getting the beating of your life.

Also, we weren’t allowed to ask people how much they earn for a living. Just like most children, my relationship with money wasn’t healthy. I was made to believe you must earn every penny you spend.

I felt ashamed every time I had to lie about school stuff whenever I wanted to buy chocolate or candy. My mum usually bought biscuits, juice, and wafers in cartoons but she wouldn’t let us buy sweets or gum. She said they destroy your teeth.

In school, teachers reinforced the belief that you have to “get a good job to make good money.” In other words, you need to study hard, have an impressive certificate and get a good job.

But if you wanted to live without worrying about money, you need a high-paying job to secure that dream. And a high-paying job means you have to work twice more than everyone else. Basically, you work round the clock.

When my dad died, we got into several legal battles with my half-siblings. Money became a problem for us. We weren’t paying rent because we were living in our house but eating three square meals every day became a burden.

There were days we didn’t have money for weekly groceries until my mum received her next paycheck. None of us asked for things like toys or cookies because my mum’s salary barely covered school and feeding bills.

These restrictions about money built shame and anxiety in me. When I started working, I felt ashamed to tell my friends how much I was paid. I thought I will be humiliated if I’m not earning enough. Or they will be nosey if I’m earning more than them.

My perception of money changed over the years when I thought about making money in my sleep. This was something I never thought was possible when I was growing up.

My entire environment replicated the belief “work hard and earn money,” but now I think it’s possible to make money without breaking your bones and burning every inch of your muscles.

Stop judging money

Money is not good or bad. It isn’t greedy nor is it selfish. Money is just numbers, a combination of digits we place value on.

So stop telling yourself you are a bad person for wanting to be rich. And you don’t have to feel insensitive for what’s going on in the world because you have more than most people. At the end of the day, we all need money.

You need money to travel. You need money to eat and stay healthy. You need money to pay your rent. You need money to educate yourself. You need money to pay for insurance and save for retirement and there is no shame in admitting that you want more money to create your dream life.

Stop comparing money and happiness

Most people think they will only be happy if they are rich. So they work tirelessly to make more money so they can fill their heart with luxurious memories.

One study found that students who prioritized money were less happy after their graduation than those who prioritized their time.

Money doesn’t equate to happiness and you can build happy memories with or without money. Most of my happy memories were simple pleasures like a hang out with my friends at a local bar or a hike in the mountains.

How you spend, save, and think about money shapes how much joy you get from it. You shouldn’t choose between happiness and money because you can have both.

Make your own rules about money

Most of us grew up judging money as evil. When you are wealthy you get criticized more than anyone. You will be judged for how you spend your money. The money you earned working your ass off. You hear things like “why don’t you help the poor with the money you spent on a car or house?”

We make rich people feel insensitive for living their life as they please. This creates room for shame as you level up. You fall into the insensitive group. You will be hated, mocked, and judged for the way you spend money.

You can be connected to yourself and still have nice things. I see some rich people walk around in cheap clothes when they can afford more decent outfits.

Now before you get ahead of yourself, I’m not saying it’s bad if you feel comfortable wearing cheap clothes. What’s bad is doing it to avoid being judged. Living below your standard to please people will only make you miserable.

If you feel like buying luxurious things, then do so. You don’t owe anyone any explanation on how you want to live your life. It’s your life. So make your own rules and ignore those who don’t agree with you.

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