3 Steps To Acquire and Keep a Peaceful Life.

The only way you'll begin to invite peace into your life is by first changing your mindset.

I used to think peace meant the absence of problems.

Now that I'm older and a little bit wiser, I've learned this is false.

Peace doesn't come from the absence of problems or conflict.

This life will never be void of problems. There will always be something we're going to deal with.

After years of dealing with my own professional, personal, and interpersonal challenges, I've finally learned this important lesson:

Peace requires the ability to deal with conflict effectively.

With that said, here are three important points many of us miss when trying to invite peace into our lives.

1. Avoidance and peace are not the same things.

You can't run away from your problems — Ignorance is not bliss.

I come from a family that doesn't know how to direct conflict.

It sounds odd, so let me explain.

I come from a Latin American background. If you are a Latino or know one, you've probably noticed how we tend to be pretty passive-aggressive.

We're raised in a culture that teaches us we're not supposed to engage in direct conflict.

For example, if someone has wronged you in any way, you're not taught to go to that person and tell them what they did that was hurtful.

We're also not taught to apologize, either— we don't know how to make amends. How to say sorry and admit the mistakes we've made.

In a nutshell, it's a very prideful culture that gets in the way of dealing with conflict effectively.

My culture taught me I'm supposed to ignore anyone's hurtful comments and wrongdoings.

To stuff my feelings as deeply as possible and move on like nothing ever happened.

I've finally learned this doesn't work. Eventually, you'll become a ticking time bomb.

It's only a matter of time before you're set off.

If you're constantly brushing things off your shoulder, you don't have true peace in your life.

You're just lying to yourself, thinking you do because you 'don't have problems with anyone.'

Avoiding conflict and the problems that arise will leave you with a giant pile of crap to deal with later.

If you wait too long, your problems may be so massive you won’t be able to solve them, and you'll be too overwhelmed to deal with them because you didn't build the aptitude to deal with conflict.

Learn to confront your problems head-on.

The more you do this, the better you will become at dealing with any challenge that comes your way.

In return, you'll have peace because you know no matter what problem comes your way, you've developed the ability to deal with it.

2. You can never have peace if you're a people pleaser.

Putting other people's needs before your own invites chaos into your life, not peace, contrary to popular belief.

I went through this and had first-hand experience of the shit show this can turn into.

Let's start with the most damaging experience I went through.

I was born a woman — let me explain.

Women are born with certain expectations of them. One of them being the way we're 'supposed' to look.

At a very young age, I experienced people making comments on my appearance, telling me what was good and what wasn't.

Over the years, these comments and sometimes criticisms became an obsession with looking the best I could — an ideal I should strive for and maintain.

It was a curse that said, 'You're not allowed to be happy, satisfied, or content until you get the constant approval and admiration of others.'

As a teenager, this became an undiagnosed eating disorder — I battled this alone for years until finally, at nineteen years old, I'd had enough.

I decided I was done caring to look a certain way to make others happy.

This was the start of my revolution.

The one where I began to let go of people's expectations of how I was supposed to be and instead followed my beliefs.

A few years later, at twenty-three, I finally sought help and started counseling.

I had graduated college a year before, and life was not turning out as expected — I hadn't completely let go of those expectations.

And now, almost four years later, I have finally freed myself.

At twenty-seven, I've learned another important lesson — peace requires you to establish boundaries.

You cannot and will never have peace in your life if you're constantly making decisions based on other people's expectations of you and their beliefs about how your life should be.

This leads to my next point.

3. Not being selective of who you let into your life invites chaos.

Not everyone, including your family, should be allowed an intimate and close look into your life.

I learned this lesson the hard way after having a falling out with some family members and most of my friends.

You need a clear set of standards.

The truth is, not everyone will understand what you're doing and why you're doing it.

The problem is rooted in people thinking they have a stake in your life and they're entitled to an opinion and you listening and doing what they're telling you to do.

This is false. We owe nothing to no one.

Our decisions are ours to make, and the consequences are for us to deal with.

The reality is we're all going to face all kinds of challenges.

Sometimes through no fault of our own.

How you deal with those challenges is 100% up to you.

You can always ask for help or advice, but be sure you're reaching out to people with genuinely good intentions.

Unfortunately, some people are happy to see us struggle because it makes them feel better about themselves.

In other instances, people can't wrap their minds around the idea that someone else's life is someone else's life.

Make sure the people in your life are emotionally mature, can accept that conflict is simply a part of life, and can accept that your life is your own, and so are the challenges that come your way.

I hope these help you on your journey of personal development and growth!

If you would like to add other lessons you've learned, please share them in comments.