3 Signs You Have an Inner Child That Is Upset And Hurting

There is so much pain to be faced with inner child work

1. You Feel Like Something Is Wrong With You

There is so much pain to be faced with inner child work and so many tears to be shed. Children are the purest of beings and they are supposed to be loved, protected, and guided down the right path. Every child deserves to feel love and a sense of belonging, but not every child does.

There are certain children who, even inside their mother’s womb, felt like a mistake and burden. They felt unworthy and undeserving of love even before having a real chance. There are those who from the very first day they arrived here on earth did not receive the love they needed to flourish and there are those who could never fit in with the world and not even with their own family.

It’s heartbreaking just thinking about it.

No matter how strong, powerful, and capable the little soul of a child is, a child is not supposed to feel like they’re on their own and must do or figure it out on their own.

A child who doesn’t receive the love, help, and guidance grows up to feel a certain unexplainable lack. She grows up wondering what’s wrong with her to make her feel like this. She prays to God, asking if something is wrong with her. That's a sign that the inner child is upset.

Inner child work is the most painful and difficult type of inner work because it involves reflecting on your childhood, knowing the timeline of your early years and how you felt most of the time.

It’s painful because it hurts to revisit times when you didn’t feel loved and cared for, and it’s difficult because not everybody can remember the things that happened long ago especially when there are no pictures or videos to remind you.

How can an adult heal from things they can’t even remember?

It must be done nonetheless. No matter how long ago it was, that trip down memory lane must be taken to understand why things are the way they are. You are the only one who can do it and your inner child is the only one that can help you feel better. But first, you must make the child feel better.

Inner child work is the deepest type of soul work that can free you and if you don't know where to start, start with crying.

Cry a lot because your inner child is crying a lot. Cry so he or she knows you understand and that you’re in it together. Your inner child has been crying as it’s withering away, thinking no one cares. She thinks no one can see, hear, or feel for her. She’s crying, feeling as if no one is coming to save her.

Cry and call out her name.

Call her name over and over again until she stops walking away and turns to you. The first thing you say to her should be that nothing is wrong with her and that you're here now.

You are the only one who can do it and your inner child is the only one who can help you feel better.

2. You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough

The inner child is that little soul that is innocent, pure, full of creativity, purpose, life, love, wonder, awe and potential. You can see it all when you look into the eyes of a baby. When the child becomes an adult, the inner child still lives deep within the psyche.

And all the innocence, purity, creativity, purpose, life, love, wonder, awe and potential? It’s still there, buried deep under all the unworthiness, inadequacy, sadness, anger, pain, neglect, abuse, and suffering.

It is the responsibility of parents and the adults in the family to love and care for the child. All those good things should have been preserved by caretakers but instead, they got shoved down under.

It’s the responsibility of the parents and adults to remind the children of all the things that were in their eyes as babies and help them develop them.

It’s quite unfortunate when a parent or caretaker doesn’t do that for a child. It’s a tragedy because once a child forgets who they really are, nothing is the same. He or she changes to become someone or something else and that’s the real tragedy.

Every infant's soul is good enough.

When a child does not get the love and care he needs, the result is a deep, void that is created in the deepest parts of his psyche, one that seems almost impossible to fill because he is not even aware is there.

As an adult, this deep void is repressed and suppressed unknowingly but also unknowingly affecting everything he does.

Perhaps the most painful part is that the adult, by the time he becomes aware of what’s going on — that there’s a void or a wound that needs to be addressed — so much time has passed that he can’t remember the details.

And the parent or caretakers will be hesitant to reveal the details because they don’t want to accept responsibility for the damage they’ve caused or feel bad for what they've allowed to happen.

And that’s also a tragedy because you’re all alone in this. As always!

But as an adult now, it’s time to become the parent you needed. You must mother or father your inner child.

Start by reflecting on the timeline of your childhood. You may not remember much, but try to remember yourself as a child. Pick a scene and hold that in your mind.

Do an inner child meditation on that image of you as a child you're holding in your mind. Where were you? What were you doing? How were you feeling? Just sit there in silence with that thought. Ponder on the whole thing to figure out where your wounds are.

Actually, you can’t figure it out. Ask your inner child to show you where it hurts and wait for it. He’ll show you his pain. Pray and plead your case with God. Ask your inner child for forgiveness and ask him to forgive the world for making him feel like he wasn’t good enough.

Make the moment last forever by writing a letter to your inner child. You can also verbally talk to your inner child and show her how worthy she is. When you’ve gotten everything out, write a response letter from your inner child or allow your inner child to speak to you through you.

Now that you’ve both gotten it out and made peace with each other, provide space for your inner child to feel safe and protected. Tell him or her how happy you are that you’ve reconnected. Tell him he’s more than enough.

Treat that child like the most important person in the whole world.

Find a kid chair and pull it next to you and invite him to come to sit right next to you. Hold out your hand for him to take it. It’s you and your inner child against the world.

Repeat loving and positive affirmations to yourself and your inner child.

And from now on, promise your inner child that you’ll be the one protecting and taking care of him or her. Tell him or her that you're here now, you're not going anywhere and you’ll be the one helping, guiding and loving him or her. Feel your inner child feel the love. Feel your inner child feel at home. Feel your inner child feel seen and heard. Feel your inner child’s warmth as his or her tiny body hug your leg. Feel your inner child holding on so tightly to your hand, never wanting to let go.

Feel everything.

As an adult, it’s time to become the parent you needed. Mother or father your inner child and tell him he’s more than enough.

3. You Never Felt Close to Your Mother or Father

Having a child without understanding how every action you take is moulding the child is dangerous and leads to children who grow up to be hurting adults.

Taking care of a child doesn’t just mean physically protecting the child from the fire, giving them breakfast, lunch and dinner, and paying the school fees. That’s the surface level part of it all.

Taking care of a child is much more than that. It’s supporting the child on an emotional, psychological and, most importantly, on a spiritual level. They are spiritual beings and they must know that.

The reality is that life isn’t fair nor perfect and the parents we are born into aren’t always good for us. Our families can change who we are without giving us a say in the matter.

They say bad things even in utero; they make us feel like a mistake, they leave, they belittle, they insult, criticize, abandon, neglect, abuse, and they don’t help and guide us as we grow.

They leave us to figure it out on our own.

When your own parent does these things to you, it’s hard to feel close to them. After all, if they really loved and cared for you, they’d make you feel better, but often they make you hurt.

This isn’t to blame your parents. They didn’t know any better.

They didn’t know their actions and inactions would have these consequences. They may also have had a wounded inner child that made them the way they were.

You were a victim of a victim.

Remember that while most of your problems began when you were a child, holding a grudge and blaming your mother or father is also not what your inner child needs to feel.

The real test is if you forgive your parents for not drawing you close to them. It’s if you can show kindness and have compassion for them despite how they’ve made you feel.

Liberate yourself by freeing yourself from the burden of the pain. Forgive them and love them still.

Why?

Because you are better!

You’re not bitterly operating from your wounds. You’re mature now and a parent to an inner child who is watching you to see if you’re truly as loving and gentle as you say you are.

You will do it.

You will forgive your mother and show love to your father. You will honor your mother and father and then you’ll take care of yourself.

It’s can get hard and you don’t have to do it all on your own. You can do it on your own because you’re strong and powerful and capable, but you don’t have to.

In order to experience a liberating breakthrough, the pain you and your inner child went through needs to be heard and validated by someone. Both of you need to be seen. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone you trust so your feelings can be validated.

If the person you’re sharing your inner child's work with is questioning, picking your story, or invalidating your feelings, stop sharing. They’re the wrong person for the job.

No matter what you do, don’t share any of this with your parents or any of your family.

It’s tempting to want to question them and let them know what they've done, but if they’ve not done their own inner child work, how can they truly see you? They can’t help you because they won’t know what the heck you’re trying to say.

Instead, find a spiritual counselor, a coach, or a guide who knows and understands how serious the matter is. Find someone who will help you make peace with yourself and bring you peace of mind.

The real test is if you forgive your parents for not drawing you close to them.

Lingering Thoughts and Feelings

As an adult, it’s important that you take responsibility for your emotional well-being. Your inner child needs love, help and guidance and you are the only one that can do it.

There is so much pain to be faced with doing such work, but there is also so much joy, peace, and love to be experienced. Not only that, one of the miraculous rewards of doing this kind of work is the gifts, abilities, hidden talents and insights your inner child will reveal to you.

Also, when you reconnect with your inner child and make her feel okay, many of your relationships will improve. Addictions, bad, and destructive habits will no longer be appealing because you’re healed and no longer need anything to help you cope.

The most important relationship that will be improved is the one with yourself. You’ll now be able to love yourself fully and deeply. You’ll be your own parent, giving yourself the things you need the most.

When you take responsibility for your life and happiness, you create love with yourself that can never be taken away.

Note: This article is only meant to provide spiritual guidance and light-hearted content.

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