3 Signs You Are Sabotaging Your Relationship Without Knowing It
Recognize these signs and fix them before it’s too late.
Some people sabotage their relationship on purpose. They do this by their deliberate actions while others can see their actions doing the damage but are powerless to stop it.
Beliefs grounded in fear can have partners actively sabotaging their relationships because they think it’s the best way to protect themselves. For instance, people who fear losing control of their lives or being smothered by a relationship that is getting “too serious” will begin to look for a way to end it.
Others will actively sabotage it when they feel they are getting too close because they fear having some of their real or perceived flaws coming to light the longer the relationship continues.
Fears of being hurt or abandoned can also cause some to start adopting behaviors they believe will protect them like overanalyzing everything their partners do, looking for signs that are probably not there. If the relationship fails they feel justified and if not, their feelings are well, at least they were looking out for themselves.
“Beliefs grounded in fear can have partners actively sabotaging their relationships because they think it’s the best way to protect themselves.”
How people sabotage without knowing
You’re setting the bar too high
You’re right to have certain expectations of your partner and the relationship. If it’s to be a healthy relationship you should expect emotional support, acceptance, honesty, trust, and so on. These are necessary.
However, you should not expect to have everything in common. You shouldn’t expect your partner to “complete” you but rather to complement you. Partners should be secure, mature, and whole in themselves.
Relationships don’t have to be perfect to be healthy, happy, and satisfying.
- Begin trading expectations for appreciations. instead of focusing on your unmet (unrealistic) expectations focus on the 100 other little things, sacrifices, and efforts your partner has made to keep the relationship going.
Focusing only on their negatives and not their positives
One way you can tell for sure you do this is when you are always badmouthing your partner. You will find you have formed a nasty habit of always talking negatively because it is always a struggle to say something positive about them.
- Step back and consider if those things you see as “negatives” are really that big of a deal. You also need to acknowledge your own flaws and we all have them, then appreciate that the fact that their being accommodating of your flaws is perhaps their biggest positive.
You take your partner and the relationship for granted
This is perhaps the biggest sign and if you’re guilty of this then most likely your partner feels undervalued, unappreciated, and alone right now. Being neglected is one of the worse things that can happen to someone who’s supposedly in a relationship because it’s like they’re stuck with people who make them feel alone.
- Make time to listen, validate and prioritize the needs of your partner as they do for yours. Let them know they’re wanted and valued, for example, by taking note of the things they value and respecting their boundaries. Be supportive because as you know support, is a pure form of love. The support is that selfless act you do for them not always because you agree, but because you understand they need it and it is not harmful to them or anyone else.
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