3 Reasons I Lost My Best Friendships

Friendship breakups are hurtful and there is nothing you can do about it

It is rare to find friends who care.

Some of us are lucky to have a bunch of them, while for some others, the friendship charm is a little less shiny.

While there is a lot of fuss around romantic relationships and breakups, there is little we know about ‘being unfriended’ or ‘losing friends’.

Hearing no longer from someone who was once your ‘best friend’ is kind of nostalgic. Being ghosted by your good friend because he or she is simply too busy with life and too proud to talk to you, hurts too. Everything was good, what could possibly have gone wrong?

Why do people stop being friends?

Why do people stop caring about the bond they once shared or the time they once spent together as friends?

Is it new friends? Is it work overload and family dynamics? Is it the subtle art of not giving a fuck once your work is done?

I don’t know, maybe. There could be a 100 reasons for losing friends, but here are the 3 reasons which costed me my friends —

Distance:

Real friendships transcends oceans and boundaries.

A true friend will stay no matter how far away he or she is from you.

Talking everyday or staying in constant connection with your long-distance friend is not a prerequisite to lasting friendships.

This is all supposed to be true but it is rare instead.

In my residential college campus, I made great friends. We practically “lived” together, sharing the same bathrooms, bunk beds, sometimes outfits, notes and what not! We were always there for each other — we cared, we listened, we supported, we helped, we saw movies with each other, went on evening walks together, made fun of others and gossiped until late nights, we helped our classmates study better and score well in their exams.

We spent the most glorious times of our lives, our college days, together, laughing out loud, making memories — all thinking we have it for life.

But “life” lasted only as long as the college did. Once we graduated, we all went our own ways, each one of us living in a different city, at least 6 hours away from the other and with barely any time to keep up.

We are still connected on social media and kind of know what each one of us is up to but over the years, the replies to their Instagram stories turned to reactions which eventually simply led to ignorance i.e. we see each other on the media and we basically don’t care.

Nothing happened between us in college for us to stop being friends. There is no reason really except the “distance”. We were friends when we were together, living in close vicinity to each other and we stopped being friends once we started living away from each other.

Ain’t that simple?

It makes sense too. New place, new friends and what are you losing by not staying in touch with old friends? Almost nothing.

Politics:

Off late, political opinions are a real deal breaker, especially among the younger lot.

What starts off as a healthy debate turns into a wild argument which then gets to personal comments, judgements and spite. Friends become blinded with political rivalry and willingly tamper the relationship which exists above and beyond.

At first, I had thought discussing and debating over political issues, political parties and favorite leaders was a way to connect with others and make friends. Little did I know that the friendship was only one-sided, for the other, it was simply about proving — proving him/herself right and proving others with an opposite opinion, wrong.

So that was it, we had a heated argument over a political event that ended in him calling me a b***h. We have never talked again and until recently, I had forgotten about it until Facebook showed me a memory post from 3 years back where I had written about him.

It is not worth it, the breaking of friendships over political ideologies, I mean. People are entitled to different opinions and as long as there is respect for each other, it should be fine but the moment the respect is gone and ideology fills you with rage, it is better to let such friends go.

Comparison:

You know how some people love to talk about themselves only? They can go on and on about what they wore at a party, why, where did they buy it from and how others in the party could not stop complimenting them for their dresses or more like my this, my that and etc.

These people are so full of themselves and always want to grab attention and that is fine because it is a personality trait. The problem arises when they can’t tolerate the hype about others.

For example, you were all very excited and genuinely happy for that friend who was getting married. For a few months before the wedding everything in the friend circle was about that person but now the wedding is over and the hype has cooled down. This friend, who is now married, will not be equally happy or excited about another friend’s wedding or even someone’s noteworthy achievement.

These kinds of friends are more self-centered and even though they may not dislike you or hate you, they are very comfortable keeping to themselves once their own shout out is over. Eventually you stop meeting them and talking to them and there, is there even a friendship anymore?

People change with time and there is not much we can do about it. Losing someone who was once very close to you can be a sad thing. Friendships are supposed to be full of fun, laughter, hangouts, food and secrets but the ugly sides of it are equally real, damaging and exploitative.

A relationship that is supposed to be supportive, trustworthy and cost-free therapeutic is very rare. Hold them dear if you have someone in your life whom you can truly call a “FRIEND”. At the same time, move on from friendship breakups just as you move on from a romantic one.

I recently came across this interesting and inspiring story by Tamil where she narrates and reflects over an incident in which she surprised herself and her sister. If you are someone who is looking for ways to boost/focus on self love or self-care, you would really find this piece delightful. Do check it out:

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