3 Major Benefits of Holding out on Sex When Dating
If your dating goal is to find a connection worth exploring
The topic of sex is usually on everyone's mind when it comes to dating. The unknown of when, how, or if it will happen can be exciting.
This excitement can lead the dating experience down a path of possible casual sex if it happens too soon, which for many, is perfectly okay.
Although there are numerous dating opportunities today, only a few will catch your eye. If you are patient enough, holding out on sex may have a few benefits if you want more out of the connection and a possible long-lasting relationship.
#1 — Learning shared values
When discussing shared values, trust, integrity, and honesty come to mind. Although these are common and important values, discovering and unravelling a more profound sense of who you are and how you perceive the world could lead to a more expansive connection with a possible partner.
For me, communication is high on that list. Being respected and heard is essential to my sexual expression. In my prior relationships, if communication was lacking, so was the sex.
In contrast, when communication was a priority with other partners, the sexual connection could develop and become more interesting.
Developing an intimate rapport and understanding each other's values before jumping into bed is a sure way to build the foundation for a more meaningful connection.
#2 — Energy exchange
While it's common for men to chase women in heterosexual relationships, this can only take the dating experience so far if the woman doesn't reciprocate the same energy.
When trying to get to know someone, it's going to take a few dates to start to feel comfortable with a stranger.
By waiting to have sex, you can experience how much effort the other person is willing to give. When the attempt to get to know you is low, the sexual experience may also be less effortful.
However, building a connection will leave more room for energy exchange, creating more momentum for the sexual experience. As you spend more time together, you will naturally build sexual tension, and when you feel comfortable enough, you won't hesitate to share your desires.
#3 — Managing oxytocin
When you are newly dating someone, and you feel a connection through intimate gestures, you both produce oxytocin, and the more time you spend with each other, the more this hormone builds, causing you to fall in love gradually.
When you begin to have a sexual and intimate relationship, oxytocin has more effect on women than it does on men, according to Louann Brizendine, MD, a Professor of Psychiatry at the UFSF.
“Women might be prone to rapid attachment to an attractive partner because of oxytocin, a feel-good bonding hormone. Intimacy, cuddling, and sex can unleash it in anyone, but the extra estrogen and progesterone in female bodies encourage their brains to ratchet up their oxytocin, especially when they ovulate. Compared to women, men may need two to three times more touch to maintain the same level of oxytocin.”
Women who want to make the most of their connection may benefit from delaying the sex until they know what their date's true intentions are.
“Delaying sex can also help keep that oxytocin under control — and weed out dates who just want to hook up.” — Brizendine
Delaying the sex with someone you're dating and possibly could have a relationship with can benefit you both in the long run.
It allows the connection to blossom naturally and gives you time to express your values and desires to each other.
When you take the time to get to know someone, you're building a stronger foundation for a possible long-lasting relationship in which you can both show up.
Understanding the role of oxytocin in relationships will empower you to make more emotionally mature decisions and not have you wanting your next oxytocin fix.
Most importantly, building rapport and exchanging energy will certainly create that sexual tension for years to come.
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