3 Lessons I’ve Learned as a Telecommuting Mom
I consider these my core life lessons.
I have been a self-employed or telecommuting mom since 2013, though I worked from 2018 to 2020 in the office full-time. How time flies! My youngest son was only two years old and I was breastfeeding him when I started to venture into the world of telecommuting.
The journey is definitely not easy especially with young toddlers in the house. Especially with little boys!
However, along my journey, I learned lessons that I consider valuable not only as a mother but as a person.
Defining Top Priorities Is Important
When the pandemic started, a lot of companies resorted to remote work as strongly urged by government and health officials.
The previous company I used to work for had done the same. And because of that, we all felt safe from the virus. But we were entirely unaware that we could suffer from another disease that is difficult to treat, it is anxiety and stress.
Due to isolation from coworkers, not to mention that many people may have done telecommuting for the first time, the remote work system was just too much to bear for others.
I just got lucky since I am not new to this telecommuting style anymore. But many of my coworkers would reach out to me and vent out their unexplainable frustrations. They were frustrated about not being able to do everything. They wished there could be more than 24 hours in a day thinking they would be able to complete their task if they had more time.
The truth is…we do not have enough time. Time is never enough.
But we can manage our time to carry out all our tasks and fulfill our goals.
So first and foremost, we need to define our priorities. They will be our guide in how we spend our day and what decision to make.
If we do not set clear priorities then we will not be able to set our clear goals.
To define priorities means to carefully plan our daily routine and as a mother, I have a busy one.
I always do house chores first thing in the morning. We do not live in a big house so basically I just do a quick sweeping and wiping here and there and then empty the kitchen sink before I start to spend my “me” time.
If I do not complete my house cleaning in the morning, the mess can be triggering to me so I would easily get irritated. Or even feel stressed because, with boys around the house, the mess can be distracting, and disorganization makes daily living tasks more difficult so better finish them first thing in the morning.
My “me” time mainly consists of reading on Medium and enjoying coffee. Before, when I was not on Medium, I spent my “me” time sleeping. LOL
I only work on my online ESL teaching for 2.5 hours each in the morning, afternoon, and evening. There are times that students do not show up so I use the time to check on my kids, take a nap, or continue writing/reading on Medium.
Admit it, Mothers need help too
It is also important to talk with our partners or husbands to help us complete our daily tasks.
My husband is a morning person so he wakes up at 4:30 or 5 am. He feeds the cats, cooks breakfast, and then heads off for work. At night he cooks for dinner and feeds the cats. He also does most of the laundry once a week though I do a few of them on Sundays to clean our kitchen towels, small rugs, and pillowcases.
If my husband was not this helpful, I could not imagine if I would be able to organize my day.
My kids mostly do their own thing all day. And by saying own thing it means they study on their own, they do their assigned house chores and play.
The weekend is all about family. In the morning, we discuss the kids’ lessons for the week then clean the house together, and do a variety of activities the rest of the day like going out for a walk or singing karaoke at home. The latter is a kind of “Filipino family thing”, especially on Sundays.
My previous coworkers who reached out to me have also learned to plan their daily routine and set their priorities so now they have somehow managed their time and eased their stress.
Here are My Core Life Lessons that I have learned from Telecommuting
1. It is okay to give myself a break
I know that I have emphasized planning a daily routine but it does not mean that we must stick to it every single day.
It is absolutely all right to give ourselves a break.
Breaking ourselves from our regular daily routine once in a while can be effective to stimulate new ideas, adjust better to sudden changes, and learn self-awareness.
So once to three times a month, I try to cheat from my daily routine and break my rules.
In life, we can never be perfect and we only live once so we better make the most out of it, even breaking our own rules.
2. I can sleep a lot and still be productive
I used to feel guilty when I take a nap or sleep longer than my husband and kids. Especially when I started to work at home, I used to believe that I would not be productive if I waste my time taking a nap.
However, when my headaches became more and more frequent, I realized that I could not concentrate on my daily tasks anymore. I figured out that getting enough sleep and taking power naps can improve my work performance. It is all about time management.
I switched my screen time with a power nap. So instead of browsing through my social media, I lay on the bed and sleep. I always ask my 12-year old eldest son to wake me up at a certain time, and he always does.
To get an effective power nap, I try to find space without interruption. I would tell my younger sons to lower their voices and not play wrestling while I am taking a nap. Keeping snacks within reach will also help them behaved.
In life, we will not be able to succeed nor be happy if we do not recharge our bodies. In Japan, some people die young because of getting sick and they got sick because of working too much and only spent few hours of sleep. Some of them even died from karoshi. They commit suicide due to overwork.
3. Setting boundaries is a form of self-care
Indeed, work-from-home mothers have a long list of reasons why we struggle to keep a self-care plan. Why? It is because we lack work and family boundaries.
As mothers, we always put our family’s needs first, especially our kids, not realizing that we are already exhausting ourselves too much.
In my case, I tend to eat unhealthy food or forget to exercise. To prevent me from feeling sleepy while serving my evening online class, I eat chocolates which leads to weight gain.
If we do not set clear boundaries between work and family, we feel burned out and eventually leads to resentment. Resentment at ourselves thinking that no matter what we do, it is still not enough.
Self-care is not just about treating ourselves to a spa, shopping for new clothes, or traveling. Other than that, self-care is about organizing our daily lives to make sure that our needs are met while at the same time, our time and energy are not depleted.
We need to consider self-care as a part of our daily job.
To set clear boundaries, I recommend mothers like me to:
- Be honest with the people around us. Tell them how we feel so they may understand why.
- Give clear instructions to kids. Tell them the do’s and don’ts and what to use and what ‘not’ to use.
- Talk to husband about any planned activity and make sure he understands how important it is so that time and energy will not be wasted.
- Avoid toxic people, friends, or relatives.
- Learn to say “No”.
To Summarize my Core Life Lessons that I have learned from Telecommuting are:
1. It is okay to give myself a break — We only live once so we better make the most out of it, even breaking our own rules.
2. I Can Sleep A Lot and Still Be Productive — We will not be able to succeed nor be happy if we do not recharge our bodies.
3. Setting boundaries is a form of Self-Care — We need to consider self-care as a part of our daily job.
Telecommuting may not be for all mothers but it is worth a try. If I am able to survive for eight years now, then surely other mothers will too. And remember, define top priorities first.
Thank you so much for reading my story. — JJ Sum 💖