3 Effective Stoic Realizations to Overcome Any Struggle in Life
We all can use more Stoicism in our lives
Stoicism is en vogue, right now.
It’s ironic, though. After a couple of thousand years, a simple old philosophy celebrates its comeback to help us with our complicated modern lives. Why? Because, in the end, simpler than we think we are.
That’s why these 3 effective Stoic realizations help you to overcome any struggle in life.
The dichotomy of control
There’s only so much you can control.
You can only give your very best. The rest isn’t up to you.
I had to learn this (and another lesson) the hard way:
It was a sunny early evening in late April 2013. Once again, I was standing on the football (soccer) pitch, leading my team as captain into the next game. We were the favorite, after having smashed the other favorites the week before and were now playing against a team, which ranked worse than we did.
Yet, I had my doubts. The night before, we celebrated the 18th birthday of a teammate and might have had too much fun. Yet, in the beginning, everything went according to plan.
Within 15 minutes we were leading.
Another 10 minutes later unnecessary mistakes arose. A bad-timed pass here, a lost challenge there. My feelings got worse.
Half an hour into the game and I had to save shots that shouldn’t have happened. Then it got worse. I had to take the first ball out of my goal’s net. I was fuming because it was avoidable and I almost saved it. But only almost.
Then things went down south even further.
Only 5 minutes until the break, my defender passed me. But I had to run towards the ball because it was too short. A striker came between me and the ball, I didn’t touch him, he flew anyway. The shrill whistle of the referee cut through the moment of silence and timelessness.
He came over and showed me the yellow card.
I asked him for what because I hadn’t touched the striker. The striker smiled at me, and the referee told me to shut up if I didn’t want to risk a second yellow card. Penalty.
I felt like a seething volcano.
How unnecessary was all of that? The very same striker took the ball, put it on the penalty spot, and smiled once again. I hated him and was sick and tired of my teammates letting me hang up and dry.
He chose his right corner.
I knew it, flew, and even saw the ball touching my hand. Then the goal post, and then slowly the back of the net. My inner volcano erupted.
I couldn’t help myself. In my head, I cursed the striker, the referee, my teammates, and the alcohol last night. In real life, I saw the goalpost and gave it my all. I kicked it as hard as I could.
An incredible pain flooded my foot. Immediately, I was regretting what I had done. But it was too late. My foot was double-fractured.
That’s how I learned you can only control so much.
Yes, you can save the shots, play smart passes, and even motivate your teammates, but at last, it’s not up to you, alone.
The same goes for life, too.
Give your very best. But don’t be mad if, sometimes, it’s not enough. That’s life.
It’s not up to you to control everything.
Life’s inevitable adversities
Life is suffering.
That’s not Stoic, that’s Buddhist. But Stoics believe, too, that life has inevitable adversities.
I listened to a podcast by Jordan B. Peterson, in which he said: “Life is suffering. Often, we forget about it. There are even a few lucky people who never knew it is. But for most, most parts of their life means suffering.”
And he wasn’t talking about the poor or people in war zones.
He was talking about you and me.
I know what you’re thinking.
It’s all so negative.
It can be if you let it get the best of you.
But it can be freeing, too.
Realizing that everyone has to face adversities and, even better, grow with them is powerful.
Adversities like mistakes, failures, hardships, and breakups are all challenges. And every single challenge allows you to grow.
Every breakup I had felt horrible, but it allowed me to grow.
After my first, I realized I didn’t want to be treated like a toy.
After my second, I realized I had become too stubborn and narrow-minded.
After my third, I realized it’s always better to solve negative ongoing situations you don’t want to be, no matter how difficult it might be to talk about.
Adversities are your best chance to grow. Don’t try to avoid them; if they come, embrace them.
Amor Fati
Amor Fati means love of fate.
It brings it all together. Because when you can control only so much and will face adversities in life, what’s the point in all of that?
It’s supposed to be like that.
That’s Amor Fati.
No matter, where you’re at, right now: you’re supposed to be there.
Is this unfair? Maybe.
But life never tried to be fair.
And it’s funny: the sooner you accept your position and start working with it, the better you’ll feel.
Here’s why: Last year, my GF went to Finland for a semester abroad. We knew both it would be difficult, but I had no idea how difficult it’d be for me. I felt like a little child left behind. Then, my online business declined.
After having the best couple of months I ever had business-wise, I earned a fraction of all that. It was crushing.
The next time I visited my GF in Finland, we fought. Because of our unfulfilled expectations when we saw each other again, I couldn’t enjoy it.
After my difficult stay at hers, I flew off to Bali, eager to get into work again. But, I missed my connecting flight, got rebooked, arrived late in Bali, and lost my baggage. I was feeling horrible. Then, I got dengue fever.
Laying in bed sick, without my girlfriend, baggage, or any work, I realized it doesn’t make sense to cry, shout, or fight.
I have to work with, no even embrace, what I’ve got. And I did.
Amor Fati is embracing everything. The good, the bad, the weird, the awful, the horrible, but also the fun, the interesting, and the mysterious. Even the things you don’t understand.
When you can embrace everything that might come your way, you’ve won in life.
Stoic principles can help you overcome any struggle in life if you let them:
- embrace the dichotomy of control
- accept life’s adversities
- embrace Amor Fati