Summary

The article outlines three fundamental ways to be a good friend: showing up, being a good listener, and maintaining trust.

Abstract

The article "3 Basic Ways to Be a Good Friend" emphasizes the importance of presence, attentive listening, and trustworthiness in maintaining strong friendships. The author argues that being there for friends during both hardships and celebrations is crucial for a meaningful connection. Listening without distraction or the intent to interject is highlighted as a key component of support, especially in times of grief. Lastly, the author stresses the significance of trust, advising against gossip and urging the protection of friends' confidences to preserve the integrity of the relationship.

Opinions

The author believes that showing up for friends, both physically and emotionally, is the cornerstone of a good friendship.
Good listening is portrayed as an active process where one should be fully engaged and not just waiting for their turn to speak.
Trust is considered non-negotiable; the author suggests that even seemingly harmless gossip can erode trust and that sharing a friend's secrets is a serious breach of friendship etiquette.
The author humorously references a Facebook meme about "lip gloss for gossipers" to underscore the point about the importance of not gossiping.
The article is written from personal experience and observations, reflecting the author's belief in the value of loyalty and confidentiality in friendships.
The author invites readers to contribute their own tips for being a good friend, indicating a collaborative view on the subject.

3 Basic Ways to Be a Good Friend

We can all do better

We all want to have good friends in our lives, right? We hope to have people who care about us, special people who walk beside us in life’s journey.

But to have good friends, you have to be a good friend.

I could write page after page of things that we should work on to make sure we are being good friends, but I wanted to keep this article a reasonable length, so I decided to just go with three.

These are the three that can be the most beneficial, in my humble, completely unprofessionally informed opinion. Based on my not quite forty years of experience on Earth, and the fact that I have had both fabulous and cruddy friends, I spill upon you my wisdom.

You have to show up

First and foremost, I think, is showing up. If you don’t show up in your friends’ lives and don’t even know what is going on with them, how can you possibly be a good friend?

If you love someone, you want to be there for them. You want to support them through hard times — grief, loss of a job, sickness — but you also want to be there to help them celebrate their wins — kids’ soccer games, promotions, buying a new house.

There is no way to feel connected if you aren’t present in your friends’ lives. Whether you are able to do that in person or from afar, just be there for them.

Even just a quick but regular check-in text to make sure they are doing okay is a vital way to show up for them.

Be a good listener

Second, let’s talk about listening. We all want to have someone who listens when we’re having a problem, yes? But do we truly listen when our friends are trying to talk to us? Do we listen just to be their ear? Or are we semi-listening while we think about the next thing we’re hoping to work into the conversation?

Obviously, we want to aim for the first one rather than the latter.

When someone is struggling with something, they rarely want you to fix it for them, and if they are hoping for help of the fixing variety, it will likely be clear. In that case, listening is still the first step, so you can understand what they need from you.

But if someone is grieving a loved one, for instance, the number one thing that I have found that helps is to just listen to them talk. Whether they want to talk about the person they lost and their memories with them, they need to sob while talking about how deeply they are grieving, or to just sit and sob with no words. Being there for them need not be any more complicated than just being present.

Making sure they know they aren’t alone is paramount.

Don’t break their trust

Third, be trustworthy. For Pete’s sake, just don’t violate their trust. Don’t talk about them with other people if they aren’t present. Even when the conversation seems harmless, it is often best to steer the topic elsewhere rather than spend much time talking about someone who isn’t in the room.

There’s a meme on Facebook that I always have to chuckle at when I see it. I’d like to meet the person who created it. “Lip gloss for gossipers” with a picture of super glue.

No one likes a gossiper.

Definitely make sure you never share their secrets with anyone. Be a vault that their secrets are safe in. Make sure they know you are loyal to them, and that they can trust any confidential information they share to go no farther than your ears. There is no way to feel close to someone who betrays your trust, even in small ways.

And if and when you make a mistake, be honest and open, and apologize, so your trust can stay in place.

That is the end of the trip my fingers are taking on this subject, but there are plenty of other things that can help us be better friends. Can you think of any you want to add? Feel free to chime in, in the comments. 😊

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3 Basic Ways to Be a Good Friend

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You have to show up

Be a good listener

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