22 Listicles I Would Actually Read

Summary

The website content presents a humorous take on listicle articles, offering a collection of absurd and satirical listicle titles that poke fun at the conventional clickbait style.

Abstract

The webpage titled "22 Listicles I Would Actually Read That Don’t Involve Productivity or Boats" is a satirical piece that mocks the ubiquity of listicle articles on the internet. It provides a list of 22 outlandish and comedic listicle titles, such as "6 Things My Cat Said to Me as I Was Trying to Teach Him About Jesus" and "57 Seasonal Hand Soap Scents to Try Before You Die: №4 = Pine Scented Enema." The content is designed to entertain and amuse readers who are fatigued by the repetitive and often mundane nature of listicles typically found online, particularly those focused on self-improvement or sensationalism. The author asserts that these unconventional listicles are ones they would genuinely enjoy reading, suggesting a preference for humor and absurdity over more serious or traditional topics.

Opinions

The author implies a critique of the commonality of listicles centered around self-help ("productivity") or superficial sensationalism ("boats" as a euphemism for "boobs"), indicating a desire for more original and less predictable content.
Through the inclusion of hyperbolic and nonsensical listicle titles, the author expresses a desire for content that is humorously irrelevant to practical aspects of life, such as "4 Things I Do to My Elbows in the Morning to Keep Them Juicy."
The author humorously suggests that even trivial or nonsensical listicles can be engaging or entertaining, as seen with titles like "5 Ways to Apologize to Santa After He Catches You Masturbating."
The tone of the content indicates a level of exasperation with the oversaturation of listicle-type articles on the internet, yet it also playfully embraces the format as a means of satire.
The author uses absurdity to highlight the extremes to which listicles can go, with titles like "834 Reasons to Quit Writing Forever," while also poking fun at the reader's curiosity and the writer's struggle with writer's block.
The inclusion of a quiz titled "My Son Or Zombie Ant Fungus Spore?" and articles like "I Am Your 2022 Spotify Wrapped, and I Can’t Do This Anymore" and "300 Million-Year-Old Rocks Discuss Potatoes" further emphasizes the

Including: 4 things I do to my elbows in the morning to keep them juicy, because who doesn’t want nice, juicy elbows?

If you’re running short of ideas for listicles, I’ve got some great ideas for you. (FYI, I would actually read these if you wrote them.)

Because I know a guy has two thumbs and needs something hilarious and mindless to read:

This is probably not me. Photo by Raffaele Vitale on Unsplash

6 Things My Cat Said to Me as I Was Trying to Teach Him About Jesus

57 Seasonal Hand Soap Scents to Try Before You Die: №4 = Pine Scented Enema

5 Ways to Apologize to Santa After He Catches You Masturbating

5 Ways to Apologize to Your Cat After He Catches You Masturbating

79 Ways You Can Mock Your Kids Behind Their Backs

4 Fruits That Will Actually Kill You…with Health

9 Celebrity Shopping Lists You Didn’t Know You Needed to Know About Because You Totally Buy the Same Kind of Little Debbie Cakes

5 Ways You Can Save Your Life With Thong Underwear

17 Ways You Can Ruin Your Life With Thong Underwear

0 Things You Can Tell Your Tinder Match That They’ve Never Heard Before

4 Reasons I Can’t Wear Flip Flops — Hint: Because That Thing Between My Toes Makes Me Want to Shave My Face With a Machete

8 Exciting Things Bologna Does to Your Intestines When You Eat 36 Slices

4 Survival Tips to Remember When It’s Too Late to Use Them

14 Ways You Make Me Want to Light Myself on Fire

6 Curse Words to Use When You Drop Something on the Floor

10 Items Worth a Homicidal Rage at the Grocery Store Before the Polar Vortex Kills Us All

3 Malkovich Malkovich, Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich: Malkovich

2 Of The 3 Hand Jobs I’ve Ever Received

12 Jobs Currently Hiring That Let You Sit in the Nude All Day Long

6 Ways Autocorrect Tried to Stop Me From Typing “Hand Jobs”

5 Listicle Listicles That Will Listicle the Fuck out of Your Listicles

834 Reasons to Quit Writing Forever

Listicle Humor

22 Listicles I Would Actually Read That Don’t Involve Productivity or Boobs

Including: 4 things I do to my elbows in the morning to keep them juicy, because who doesn’t want nice, juicy elbows?

Quiz: My Son Or Zombie Ant Fungus Spore?

You decide

I Am Your 2022 Spotify Wrapped, and I Can’t Do This Anymore

Enough about 2022, let’s talk about you

300 Million-Year-Old Rocks Discuss Potatoes

Because the world needs bolder boulders