28 Warning Signs of a Toxic Boyfriend
We’ve all been there. You’re scrolling through your Facebook feed when you see a friend’s post about her new boyfriend.
You start to feel like maybe you’re missing out, so you swipe right on Tinder and start swiping feverishly through potential matches.
Suddenly, you match with a guy who seems too good to be true. He has the perfect job, the perfect body, and is majoring in your favorite subject in college.
What could go wrong?
If you’re not careful, a lot can go wrong. Toxic relationships are more common than we might think, and they can be incredibly damaging to our mental and emotional health.
So how can we protect ourselves from getting into a toxic relationship? Well, read on for 28 red flags you should watch out for when dating someone, and remember these warning signs before emotionally investing in a guy.
1. He’s only nice to you when it benefits him.
If you start dating someone and he seems like the nicest guy around, but then gradually becomes more manipulative and demanding, beware.
Toxic guys only act nice when they want something from you, like when they’re trying to get their foot in the door. Once he has what he wants, he’ll become cold and unfeeling.
2. He blames his ex-girlfriend (or “crazy” female friends) for his lack of relationships.
If your new bae mentions how crazy all of his ex-girlfriends were, or how much drama there was with his female friends, take note. While it’s true that all our relationships end for a reason, blaming women rather than looking inward is never a healthy sign.
3. He makes you feel bad about yourself.
A guy who constantly criticizes your looks and anything else he can find to make you feel bad about yourself is extremely toxic.
Guys like this are often insecure, and they will seek out partners whom they can manipulate into thinking less of themselves so they don’t seem “inferior.” Don’t date someone who doesn’t think you’re good enough for him.
Your self-esteem is important. Don’t sacrifice it by dating someone who constantly brings you down.
4. He’s sexist.
Dating someone who doesn’t think you’re as smart as he is, or who holds other toxic views towards women is a big red flag.
This might be subtle at first, but it will become more noticeable once you’ve gotten closer to him emotionally. Don’t get more involved with him until he starts thinking more highly of you.
5. He’s incredibly jealous, controlling, or insecure.
A guy who is constantly accusing you of looking at other guys, checking out other women in front of him, or just generally giving attention to anyone but him is extremely toxic.
This will continue to get worse as the relationship goes on, and he’ll start to become more controlling. Don’t date someone who doesn’t respect your personal space or privacy.
6. He’s not close to his family.
If you’re dating someone who seems distant from his parents, brothers or sisters, or any other family members for that matter, be careful.
This could be a sign that he’s not close with anyone — not even his family. He might have toxic views about the importance of family, so watch out for this red flag when dating someone.
7. His life is full of drama.
Does your new bae constantly talk about how much drama is happening in his life? Does he complain about the drama his friends are going through?
Guys who love to gossip and constantly bring drama into conversations are not emotionally mature, so don’t date someone with this personality trait if you want a smooth relationship. Drama is not fun, nor healthy for a relationship.
8. He doesn’t communicate well — or at all.
If you’re dating someone who doesn’t seem to care about communicating or even just responding to your texts, be very cautious.
This might not seem like a big deal at first, but it will grow into a larger issue if it continues and he has no problem hurting your feelings. Don’t let this happen to you — watch out for guys who don’t communicate at all.
9. He’s never happy for you when something good happens to you, but is quick to complain about his own life when something bad happens to him.
If you find that your new bae is negative about everything that has happened in the past or present, even when it relates to you — especially if he seems bitter about his own life — be wary.
He might be a very negative person, and he’s not going to make you happy when something good happens to you if he’s so negative all the time. Don’t date someone who brings others down with him.
10. He tries too hard to impress you or others …
You might be initially flattered that the guy you’re dating is trying so hard to impress you or your family, but this is a bad sign.
Guys who are desperate for attention and validation from others are often insecure. Don’t date someone just because he seems cool at first — if he doesn’t have healthy boundaries, it will never work out in the long run.
11. He “jokes” about things that are serious problems in society or culture, and then gets defensive when you call him out on it.
There are a lot of issues going on in our world right now — and not all of them are easy to joke about. If your new bae makes “jokes” about serious problems in our society, like rape or racism, take it seriously.
He might think it’s funny, but the things he says are insensitive and harmful to others — especially if he gets defensive when you call him out on them. Don’t date someone who thinks jokes about these issues are acceptable.
12. He belittles or makes jokes about other people.
You might now realize how toxic your new bae is right away, but there could be a few subtle slips here and there before you see the full extent of his toxicity.
Watch out for any comments he makes that belittles or degrades others — even if it’s just “joking.” You can’t make any assumptions about how he truly feels inside because the things he says will show you who he really is.
13. … Or makes fun of people with mental illnesses or disabilities.
If your bae mocks people struggling with mental illnesses or disabilities, like depression or anxiety, that’s a sign that he doesn’t understand mental health.
He might think it’s funny, but the things he says are insensitive and inappropriate — so don’t let him make fun of these people. It’s not cool at all.
14. He doesn’t take responsibility for his mistakes.
A guy who avoids taking responsibility for his mistakes is not mature or emotionally stable, and he likely won’t be mature or emotionally stable in a relationship.
If you don’t think he’ll become more responsible with age, then it might not be worth dating someone who refuses to take responsibility for his actions. If he doesn’t even try to change, then what’s the point?
15. He makes it all about you or tries to change who you are because he wants to be with you so badly.
Guys who don’t care about themselves and only care about getting a girl won’t do the work to become the best version of themselves.
If this is what you’re seeing, he might not be capable of having a healthy relationship because he doesn’t want to change. He only wants you without thinking about who you are or what makes you happy.
16. He frequently talks about his ex-girlfriends or complains about women in general.
No one likes to hear their bae complain about women, whether it’s his ex-girlfriends, actresses on the big screen, etc.
If he constantly talks about how much he hates or judges women in general, then this might be a clear sign that he doesn’t respect them — and you shouldn’t try to change him.
17. He has unrealistic expectations of women.
A guy who doesn’t know how to take care of himself and has a lot of demands for the woman in his life is a bad sign, not a good one.
He expects you to do everything for him, while giving very little in return. Don’t date someone who thinks women should always be there for them — because that is not how relationships work.
… Or expect you to wait around until he is ready for a relationship.
… Or expects you to be perfect when they aren’t willing to change or improve themselves at all.
18. He talks about why he doesn’t want to get married.
Your new bae might not be ready for a relationship, or marriage. That’s fine — but he shouldn’t express his concerns through toxic actions and words.
If he uses phrases like “I don’t want to get married ever” or “marriage is just a piece of paper,” then you should run — don’t walk — away. He doesn’t believe in marriage and might try to convince you not to get married either, because he doesn’t value the institution.
19. He Is violent with you.
No one should ever raise their hand to you or make you feel threatened in any way. If your bae has ever done anything physically harmful to you, then he is not worth your time and energy.
There are never excuses for someone to hurt you — and this behavior will only get worse if it goes unaddressed. He might apologize for his actions, but that doesn’t mean you should trust him again.
…Or he might even try to convince you that you deserved it.
20. He drinks too much.
If he can’t go out with you and your friends without drinking, or spends days at a time drunk, then he has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
If he’s constantly drunk when you’re together or if his alcoholism is causing problems in your life, then you shouldn’t stay with him. This behavior isn’t sustainable and this person will not change.
21. He says he only wants to be friends with benefits.
If you aren’t on the same page about what your relationship is, then there’s no reason for you two to waste any more time together.
Unless both of you are up front about why you’re dating or hooking up — and are clear on your expectations — then it will never work. If you want a relationship and he doesn’t, then move on; don’t back down until he is gone for good.
22. He’s mean to waiters or service workers.
A guy who mistreats those who are serving him shows poor character and has no respect for others.
If he is rude to the people who are supposed to be nice to him, then he’ll eventually treat you like sh*t.
… Or if he treats his mother or other women badly.
23. He puts you down in front of your family.
If your dude doesn’t have the respect to tell his mom or friends that you’re coming over, then he probably doesn’t have a lot of respect for you either. It’s not okay for him to make fun of you in front of family or friends — and if he does it too many times, then leave.
This isn’t a healthy relationship and he seems to enjoy humiliating you regularly. There’s no coming back from that.
24. He doesn’t care about your feelings, often dismisses them.
Moderation is key — when it comes to caring about another person’s feelings or emotions, as well as what they have to say. If he shut you down when you tried to discuss something serious, or he is blind to your feelings in general, then he doesn’t have any respect for you.
This guy doesn’t care about what’s important to you or how he makes you feel — and that’s not okay.
25. He’s still with his ex.
It might seem like he is just trying to patch things up with his ex because he isn’t moving on from the past. All of those “I still love her” or “she might come back” comments are a huge red flag that you’re not as important as you thought.
If this is what he wants, then leave him to it. Don’t waste any more of your time trying to make something work that isn’t.
26. He insults you or your appearance when he disagrees with something.
If you try to offer constructive criticism and he turns around and insults you in some way, that’s not an okay reaction at all.
This is a classic trait of toxic people — and it’s something to avoid in your next bae. If he can’t take criticism, then there’s your answer.
27. He accuses you of being controlling when you’re only trying to solve a problem in the relationship.
Arguing is normal in relationships — but if he gets angry or upset every time you bring something up, it might be an issue.
If he insults you for bringing up issues in the relationship, that’s a huge red flag. It’s not your fault you’re trying to improve things — it’s his for refusing to do the work.
28. He claims to be a feminist, but only seems interested in having sex with you.
A guy who proclaims his love for women while simultaneously objectifying you is not one worth keeping around. If he’s having sex with other girls but still wants to date you because you’re a woman, he’s not being genuine.
He might have enjoyed having fun with you at first, but once you’ve gotten closer to him emotionally, he’ll start acting colder and less interested. If you find that the guy you’re dating is only nice to you when it benefits him or if he makes you feel bad about yourself, don’t waste any time with him.
Don’t get involved with someone who just wants to have sex without any of the emotional entanglements that come with dating. He is a disaster waiting to happen.
The bottom line
Has your love life been feeling a little more drama than usual lately?
Are you constantly on edge, never quite sure where you stand with your partner?
If so, then it might be time to take a step back and evaluate the health of your relationship. Toxic relationships can be incredibly damaging, both mentally and emotionally.
So if you’re worried that you might be in one, look for the 28 warning signs discussed above. By being aware of these signs, you’ll be better equipped to protect yourself from harm and make the necessary changes needed to get yourself out of a toxic situation.
A guy who exhibits any of these signs isn’t worth your time or energy. You deserve someone who will respect and appreciate you, not someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. Don’t try to change him — he has to want to change himself first. If he doesn’t show any willingness to do better, then it’s best to move on.
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