20 Things I Learned To Do That Changed My Life For The Better

When I decided to change — everything changed

I came to a point in my life where I needed to take control — to get into the driving seat.

I didn’t feel strong or confident.

It wasn’t much fun following the crowd, especially when I didn’t like half of the things they were doing. I was tired of being dismissed, ignored, or simply undervalued for not going along with them.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to change, but I knew that if I didn’t do something, I would end up depressed and a slave to other people’s agendas for the rest of my life.

My biggest wake-up call was at the end of my 20s. I felt utterly depressed and I knew I didn’t want to go through my 30s feeling the same way.

I wanted to live the way I wanted to live, and not just do what everyone expected me to do.

I was tired of the nonsense. My life felt meaningless.

My wake-up call

In this time of heightened awareness, I realized that no one could help me. If I didn’t decide to get myself out of that dark place, I would have stayed there for the rest of my life and it wasn’t a nice place to be.

I made up my mind to do it. I was going to live the way I wanted to live and find freedom. I was tired of being a slave to the system.

During this period of depression, I also had an encounter with God. I prayed and asked for help and it came.

I won’t go into the details now as I know the readers here are from varied backgrounds, but by the power of God, I found the strength to get back up and redirect my life.

I changed everything. For the first time in my life, I became the leader of my own life and part of that decision was to take personal responsibility. Only I could get myself out of that dark hole I found myself in. I had to take the steps myself.

That’s what happened 20 years ago and today I am the leader of my own life. I choose how I want to live and I take personal responsibility for both my successes and failures.

When you choose to become the leader of your own life, it means you can’t play the blame game anymore. If you’re unhappy, it’s your responsibility to do something about it, not your boss, spouse, parents, teachers, or friends.

The problem is, too many people do not want to take responsibility for themselves, they’d rather spend their lives blaming their parents, teachers, employers, culture, etc. than take personal responsibility and make a change.

When we do this — we are choosing to be miserable and cut ourselves off from the life we really want. I’m so glad I didn’t choose to stay stuck in the dark.

It’s worth stepping up and learning new ways to carve out the life you want.

Don’t let others decide the direction of your life. Why not take control today and follow the 20 steps below? What have you got to lose?

1. Take responsibility for yourself

When things go wrong or you feel unhappy, don’t look for someone to blame. Be the leader of your own life and find a new way. When I changed my attitude, I started to see things in a different light. I had the power to make the changes I wanted, I didn’t have to stay feeling powerless forever. As children, we really don’t have a lot of power, but when you grow up, you can make new choices. Don’t remain a victim forever. Your parents probably had no love or guidance either. Maybe you can be the one to break the chains in your family or culture.

2. Speak up for yourself

A lack of confidence or self-belief might hold you back, but if you feel things are not right, don’t be afraid to speak up. Have a voice — your opinion matters. It’s not always easy to speak up, especially if you’ve been bullied or dominated in your life, but you can start small — that’s how I changed. I’d stand up to my peers or parents for practice, but then I got good at it and the fear left me. Now, I don’t care — if I feel something needs to be said, I say it regardless. You just have to learn how to deliver it gently (I must admit, that part took me a while to learn).

3. Know what you want

It sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised just how many people don’t know what they want. Know what you want or you will end up being a slave to other people’s agendas. I didn’t always know what I wanted. I knew some things and so I would do them, but other times, I was clueless — I hadn’t sat down and considered it fully. To lead your own life, you have to think about it and not go around in a haze, as I did for a long time.

4. Have standards

Know your values and beliefs and if others are living below your set of standards; it’s your choice to either tolerate it or take a stand. In this day and age, everything and anything goes. I don’t live like that — no, I think about what matters most to me and what I truly believe. This way I can make decisions better, based on my beliefs and values.

5. Know your unique gift

What are you good at that you cannot deny? We all have special talents or gifts. What have you got that will make a difference? Use it and let others see that you have something of value to add.

I was a nurse for many years and I was good at it, but deep down I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, so I tried different things. I got out of my comfort zone and experimented, and now I feel so much happier as a teacher, coach, and writer.

6. Be hungry for improvement

Have an unstoppable desire to improve the quality of your life and the life of others. Don’t forget simple virtues that create a growthful environment, such as kindness, gentleness, encouragement, respect, etc. The secret to happiness (which everyone seems to be looking for), is found within us.

We run all over the place looking for it, when really all we have to do is be still, appreciate, and value who we are. And from that place of calm, we begin to wake up and go after the things that bring us joy.

7. Be of good character

Never underestimate the importance of good character. How you treat others matters. The quality of your life will be based on your character. Some people think they can tell lies and get away with it, but it never works as it always comes back to them. And even if it didn’t — liars can’t relax, because they have to cover up the string of lies behind them. Be honest. It will bring you more peace of mind.

8. Set goals for your life

This is so important if you want to be the leader of your own life. If you don’t have goals to achieve in life, you might drift from one thing to another with no real sense of accomplishment. I didn’t really like goal-setting, as I have an artistic nature and like to go with the flow and not be too rigid, but I have learned to discipline myself to set goals within time frames as it does work and when I reach my goals, which I usually do now — I reward myself.

9. Lead by example

Your actions are the most powerful way of communicating who you are and what you truly believe. There’s a proverb in the Bible that says, ‘as water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.’ (Proverbs 27:19) So, let your actions speak of goodness. I always follow people who do what they say and not just talk about it.

10. Be fearless

This is something we need to remind ourselves of every single day, because one day you can be so strong and courageous, and the next, be afraid to step out at all. Make a decision to push through your fears every day. You can do this by speaking bold words of confidence to yourself, such as “I can do it!” “I don’t care what others think of me!”

Not caring what others think of you is so important, because when you make changes, there could be a loss of income status or even reputation, and so, while you are struggling to make the changes, some people will look down on you and even ridicule you, so you must be fearless.

11. Respect others

Being a leader of your own life does not mean barging full-on ahead to achieve your goals while trampling over anyone who stands in your way. This is not the right way to succeed in life. All successful people of influence respect and honor others. If you don’t care about others and only use people for what you can get, they will feel it and avoid you. You know the expression, “use things, not people.”

12. Embrace new ideas

Always be open to new ideas, be ready to listen for the latest way of doing something. Listen to people when they share their innovative products and ideas. Be ready to say yes to new opportunities, even if you don’t yet have all the skills required. Say yes, and then learn how. I made a decision years ago to be willing to learn from everyone. I remember saying to my dad when I was in my 40s, “how will I keep up with all this new technology?” He was in his late 70’s and being the man of few words that he was, he said, “keep up.”

Now I’m 50, and I’ve been traveling for over 3 years. I’ve learned all about writing and teaching from people much younger than me — and they like the wisdom of experience that I can share with them. It’s a win/win situation. Age is only an obstacle if you let it be.

13. Question everything

Always be like a child — be curious about everything. This means you are interested in life and interested in learning new things. You don’t have to take on other people’s beliefs, but you can certainly respect them and broaden your mind while you’re at it.

14. Do the next right thing

If you don’t know what to do next, do the next right thing. Sometimes we just don’t feel our best and maybe after some disappointments, you might not feel so motivated. But, just choose to do what’s good and right. The easy way is not always the right way. Integrity takes effort and often sacrifice, but be of good character, people will respect you for this and you will feel so much better too.

15. Give people a chance

Not everyone you meet is going to be your cup of tea. Or you may not want to work on a project with someone who isn’t what you had in mind but give it time. Hear them out and think about it. You can always say no later, but everyone deserves one chance, at least.

16. Actively reject negativity

Make a point of not letting negative people bring you down. Avoid negative people. We can all feel a bit fed up now and again, but if you hang out with people who are always complaining, they will drag you down with them. Choose your company wisely.

17. Surround yourself with mentors and teachers

I love being around inspiring people. I like when they know more than me, so I can grow and become more like them. It’s important to have role models. This can be someone in your family, a group of friends, a pastor, priest, teacher, parent, employer, or even someone you follow on the internet.

18. Care for people

It’s lovely to have people to care for. Serving others is the greatest way to come out of yourself. It’s amazing how small your problems seem when you are looking after people. It’s rewarding to help others, but don’t lose balance — care for yourself too. Some people are so selfish, they can only think of themselves, while others only think of others and neglect themselves.

19. Always be kind

It sounds like such a simple thing, but why are people not kind? Make a decision to be kind to others, it takes effort. Make it a daily habit. The world needs more simple acts of kindness.

When I was depressed all those years ago — the things that healed me and helped me the most were people who were gentle, kind, and understanding. It meant so much to me when I was feeling so vulnerable. There really is no need to be mean to others. I have good boundaries, but I do it as respectfully as I can. Not everyone is going to like it when you say no to them, but if you do it with kindness, they can handle it better.

“Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.”

— Jackie Chan

20. Trust God

I couldn’t live without God. I pray or meditate every day because I know God hears me. God is eager to bless us, we are the ones who block the blessings. I know many people do not believe in God. I respect their beliefs and hope they can do likewise.

When you become the leader of your own life and have the confidence and courage to step out of your comfort zone, you will discover a new excitement and passion for life.

You will feel more involved and part of life, instead of just being a spectator.

Final thoughts —

Think about what you want in life, and how you can make that possible. Are there people or things that are hindering you?

Often we don’t take the lead in our lives because we think we should be doing what others are doing, but if that doesn’t feel right for you, what can you do?

“To Thine Own Self Be True”

— William Shakespeare

It takes courage to be true to yourself and follow your deepest desires.

So if you want to change your life for the better, the first step is to make that decision. I hope my 20 tips will help you on your new path to a better future.