2 Steps to Let Your Authenticity Shine
An authenticity audit and a pair of shoes made all the difference for me.
“GIRL. Those boots!”
“Oh my gosh. Where did you get those?”
“I love your energy. It must be the boots.”
All real life, every day examples of the things folks say when I’m wearing the boots that I nearly talked myself out of buying.
Who would buy these?
I truly thought the boots were ridiculous at first. They were positively covered with silver sparkles, glowing under the fluorescent lights.
No one will take you seriously in those, scolded a serious inner voice.
But I love them. I want to shine and feel alive, whispered an inner gravitational pull.
This serious inner voice is my Adaptive Self. Tchiki Davis, Ph.D. describes the Adaptive Self as the inner guidance that “prioritizes fitting in, getting along, and generally doing what we’re told.” My Adaptive Self learned that being too feminine could be punished and to stay in my lane to keep me safe. Your Adaptive Self may look totally different based on your lived experience.
Conversely, my Authentic Self is a quiet and brave voice, what some might call a “gut feeling” or “knowing.” When we honor our Authentic Selves, we feel more whole, happy, and at ease.
Authenticity is good for you so let’s just be more authentic, right?
The bad news: “Be more anything” is not actionable advice.
It is easy to let your Adaptive Self cast shade over your Authentic Self, especially in times of stress.
That is, if you even hear your Authentic Self at all.
The good news: You can take action today to rebuild your relationship with authenticity and these steps can help.
Step 1: Do a Brief Authenticity Audit
If you can’t hear your Authentic Self right now or if you want to be ready for the next time, reflecting on when you were in tune with your Authentic Self can give you some important cues.
Find a quiet, peaceful place to reflect and ask yourself: When was the last time you felt really alive and most like yourself? What were you doing? How did your body feel?
When you felt most like yourself, how did you know?
“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?” — Charles Bukowski
Your Authentic Self may be making gentle requests to return to the last time you felt really in tune with yourself.
Maybe it is nudging you to teach yourself ukulele, come out to your family, or take on a new, exciting work project. Maybe it is showing up as envy of a friend’s small business venture, pointing to your own desires for autonomy or creative freedom.
Learn what these requests sound like for you and listen up.
Step 2: Take an Incredibly Tiny Step For Your Authentic Self
Cultivating a habit of listening for and respecting your Authentic Self is a big project. And we know the bigger a project is, the less likely we are to complete it. You can overcome this by starting with something incredibly tiny.
If your Authentic Self longs to play the ukulele for a small gathering of friends, start by watching one free video tutorial. If you’re a perfectionist like me, your Adaptive Self may want to protect you from failure. This tiny step honors your Authentic Self and is small enough that your Adaptive Self can chill out and learn what you desire is achievable.
Then, take another tiny step.
As Ghandi says, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
Authenticity is often coded as meaning down to earth, but my Authentic Self is bold and bright like those boots. My Authentic Self spoke to me that day, asking for me to formally declare my desire to shine.
Sure, buying the boots is not liberation. That’s the point.
It was the incredibly tiny step that showed my Authentic Self that I can honor her wisdom and that is powerful. This tiny step led to other tiny steps which led me to embrace my unique energy.
What tiny step will you take today to honor your Authentic Self?